Bachelorette nonsense

[*heather*]

Hi gals! I have a friend who is hosting her own bachelorette. I find this highly irregular, but am going with it. Since she's the host, that makes it a no-gifts thing, right? Am I to expect that dinner will be taken care of? Or drinks? Or anything? I'm really thrown for a loop, and frankly annoyed, by this situation. I like to play by the rules, because everyone knows the rules. Or maybe not...I don't want to be a stick in the mud. Help! Save me from stick in the mudness!

Oh, I did email the bp and the local gals helping plan to find out more about the night...

[Deidre98]

I would assume that it's no gifts but I have no idea about food. I am thinking you will be left to pay for that on your own but I am not sure. I understand what you mean about playing by the rules. I would be a little taken back and annoyed as well!

[Sk8ermaiden]

I didn't know you weren't supposed to host your own bachelorette, because I'd never heard of that event being a gift-giving occasion. And even when one is hosted for the bride, usually people go out and pay for their own meals and drinks...

I am definitely kind of "planning" my own, because there is no one to plan one for me. I know I probably won't get a shower for that reason, and would be really sad if I didn't get a bachelorette either. For that reason, I'm going to call up all my girlfriends and we'll go out for bowling and pizza or something. I never thought that anyone would be offended, because I'd always heard you don't get gifts at those.

[carolinalady67]

I'm with sk8ermaiden on this one. I had never heard of giving gifts for a bachelorette party until reading it on the boards. And the only time everyone didn't pay for their own food/drinks was if it was at someones home. So I wouldn't care if a bride hosted her own bachelorette party.

So I guess I would say no gift and take money with you just in case.

[*heather*]

I guess my issue is misunderstood. When I go to a b-ette hosted by the bp or friends, I'm happy to pay for my own and pay for the btb's drinks and chip in for her dinner and bring a gift. But when a person hosts an event, she is essentially saying, "come play on my dime." I know b-ettes are not normally gift giving events, which is why I emailed the gals: I don't want to be the only one to show up empty handed.

Kellie, calling up your gfs for a pizza dinner is fine! But this girl sent out evites...making the invitation *slightly* more formal. It announces that a party is being planned, when, where, why, who, etc. If you called me up and said, "Hey, let's have a bachelorette night out! We'll go drinking and dancing!" I would be fine.

Am I SO out of line?

[*meghan*]

I think your line of thinking is right on, Heather. If she is *hosting* the party, then I would also assume that it is a no-gift situation and she is providing food, drinks, transportation, etc, since that is what the *host* normally does for an event. I hope you find out more info from the other girls, that is definitely a strange situation!

[destinationbride07]

I didn't know you weren't supposed to host your own bachelorette, because I'd never heard of that event being a gift-giving occasion. And even when one is hosted for the bride, usually people go out and pay for their own meals and drinks...



i am with you..lol I am planning mine and dont expect gifts and I have been to several and maybe gave some gag sex toy that is about it.....

[destinationbride07]

I guess my issue is misunderstood. When I go to a b-ette hosted by the bp or friends, I'm happy to pay for my own and pay for the btb's drinks and chip in for her dinner and bring a gift. But when a person hosts an event, she is essentially saying, "come play on my dime." I know b-ettes are not normally gift giving events, which is why I emailed the gals: I don't want to be the only one to show up empty handed.

Kellie, calling up your gfs for a pizza dinner is fine! But this girl sent out evites...making the invitation *slightly* more formal. It announces that a party is being planned, when, where, why, who, etc. If you called me up and said, "Hey, let's have a bachelorette night out! We'll go drinking and dancing!" I would be fine.

Am I SO out of line?

no i dont think you are out of line at all...i just never knew that a bride could NOT host her own....and my friends when they hosted theirs we did not have to pay for dinner just come and party :jump4joy: :dancingbanana2:

[njbride06]

I'm thinking maybe her Mom or friend said "plan the party and I'll foot the bill"? Because I too would be confused? I can understand paying for your own food/drinks, but usually everyone chips in to cover the b*ette?! I duno! I guess if anything, go prepared. Take some extra cash just in case. But it would be in poor taste to send invites out for an event then expect everyone to come along and pay for you! Hopefully the other friends can shed some light for you. Otherwise just go prepared, and good luck!!

[Mandy]

*heather* I can see your fustrations. I would think the exact same way. Calling up my friends and hanging out for a night is one thing, but planning on a full on party is kind of a differant thing. I would email the BP too and ask about presents...and I would go ahead and bring some $$ just in case. It would be kinda strange if she wasn't thinking of picking up the tab..but I'd be prepared for anything. This is such a strange situation, I'd just be prepared for everything! :)

[*heather*]

But it would be in poor taste to send invites out for an event then expect everyone to come along and pay for you! Hopefully the other friends can shed some light for you.
Exactly! I got some emails back from the gals, and they want to do something in addition (like brunch the next day) as a lingerie shower. It looks like we're doing the party for her, but she's in charge. Oh well, not everyone can be as savvy as we are, right? :hehe:

[yogi_deuce]

Heather no advice from me. I know you will find the perfect way to handle the situation. You have such grace for things like this.

[*heather*]

Thanks Colita! In this case, it's show up, drink a little too much and dance my arse off! I'm pretty sure I can handle that! :laugh3:

[*heather*]

I got some emails back from the gals, and they want to do something in addition (like brunch the next day) as a lingerie shower. It looks like we're doing the party for her, but she's in charge.
Okay, so the party is in an hour, and I thought I'd give an update. I almost canceled, but have decided to go. Everyone wants to be the pampered bride, after all, right? My not going would not say "look, your plans annoyed me," it would say, "darn, she couldnt' come."

BUT, the BMs and I emailed for a while, and I mentioned before that they decided to do a lingerie shower for her before the party. AND THEN they decided that since it was going to be last minute invitations for the other women invited, that it should just be the BP. :moon: Yes, they cc'd me in on all the emails that said I wasn't invited.

I have decided to bring a gift of lingerie, and a gag of pepto and advil and an eye mask for the morning after. :) And now, instead of worrying about showing up empty handed, I worry that I'll be the only one who shows up with gifts...oy. I'll let you all know how it goes!

[*heather*]

Back! And I was the only one who brought a gift. Oy. I just can't win for trying, can I? :lol:

[Celeste]

You're the good one for bringing a gift. ;)