Is it in bad form for the bride/groom to call guests who haven't RSVPed?

[nikkiana]

I was reading on an LJ wedding community that I belong to that apparently it's a faux pas for the bride or groom to call guests who haven't RSVPed to see if they're coming because it can come off as "So are you coming to my party or what?" and instead you should make your maid of honor or bestman do it.... I personally had never heard this before, so I was wondering what people though....

Is this etiquette fact or fallacy?

[Maria 05]

well if it is I am going to burn in etiquette hell.

[JerAndKathy]

As am I. :lol: At least I'll have some company. :D

[HelenAngel]

I was reading on an LJ wedding community that I belong

Is it weddingplans? If so, there are a lot of trolls on there so you have to be careful whenever you read something on there. :)

Emily Post says in "Etiquette for Society" that whomever is hosting the wedding & reception should contact the guests who have not responded. In previous times, the parents hosted, planned, and fully funded the wedding. Therefore, the servants of the household were charged to contact guests for the Mother of The Bride (the hostess). However, it is common now for brides to plan and fund their own weddings and receptions. Because of this, it is perfectly acceptable for a bride to call guests who have not responded. However, if you're already busy you might want to ask someone in your wedding party to help.

[Kirsten]

Emily Post says in "Etiquette for Society" that whomever is hosting the wedding & reception should contact the guests who have not responded.
I agree with Helen. . . the person hosting the party should be making the calls.


Unless you can convince someone else to help!

[Andrea]

WOW i have never heard of this...i think it just all depends on how you word it..you could sound bright and cheery and say...hey its .... and.... we were just wondering if you received the invite to our wedding, and if you were planning to attend

[Coze]

Hi hi-

I think I'm going to burn in hades too since it's actually my responsibility on our chart to call people who haven't RSVPed by the 1st of November to find out if they are coming... All well... I saw to each their own and Etiquette Elizabeth (or whomever) needs to get with the times...

TTFN...
D.J.

[Christa]

I'm not saying it is correct etiquette (because I don't know), but I'd rather have the bride or groom call me than the MOH or BM if I didn't RSVP to a wedding.

[nikkiana]

Is it weddingplans? If so, there are a lot of trolls on there so you have to be careful whenever you read something on there. :)

No, it isn't. LOL. I've heard that they have a troll problem though.

Personally, we called anyone who we hadn't accounted for... I don't really see the point in having someone else do it unless you really really really don't like using the phone. (Which I don't, so that's why FH did most of it! LOL!)

[rowanmayfairs]

I plan on calling some of my guests.. I don't want to get enough food for the "X" amount of people that RSVP and then "XX" show up and not have enough.

Plus the USPS lost some of my invitations already that I know of..how many more did they lose that I'm not aware of? or did they lose some RSVPs too?

So on September 1st (RSVP date Aug 23rd) I will start making some calls.

[jillian]

I don't really like the idea of calling people if they don't RSVP. Though me calling depends on the person who didn't RSVP. For instance, if it was some one my MIL insisted on inviting then I'd make her call.

If it says RSVP, then you RSVP! It's not rocket science!! (from Gilmore Girls)

[belle67]

Since we plus both sets of parents are hosting we all will make calls if we have to. We will call our friends, my folks will call family and their friends, FILs will call their family and friends.

[Angela]

I'm making any calls from my guest list for people who don't RSVP....FMIL is going to handle FH's side, since he'll never make the calls.

I'm going to be as bright and cheery as possible...just let them know, hey! Did you get our invite? If they say yes, then, well, the RSVP date has passed, and we need to know if you'll be attending or not, we have to give the reception hall a final count. If for some reason they didn't get their invitation, I'll apologize, let them know when the wedding is, and ask that they call/email me within a day or two to let me know if they can attend.

[rtqueen]

We have called some of the people who haven't sent theirs in yet. I need an exact count. I think it is rude to not respond.

[~LeAna~]

We will be calling our guests who don't RSVP. We have a minimum head count and we don't want to pay for food that no one will eat. We don't care about the gift, it would just be a shame to spend all that money on dinner for no one! We said we woudl invite strangers before we allowed that to happen!

[nikkiscott]

If someone does not respond to my rsvp then I will call. I would rather get a phone call from either the bride or groom cause thats who they know then someone else like a moh or bm that they may not know.

Also on the same note if they really wanted to come then they would of sent that darn rsvp in the mail, which then maybe phoneing them would make it llok like you would pushing them into coming.

I guess it all depends on the person. Do whatever the heck you want to do.

[christinas2006]

My step-mom called most of the guest. We invited 270 people. Only 60 RSVP. So we really had to call people. We gave cards and stamps. It is not that hard to respond. My parents even said it was bad to call but, they did anyway. You have to know how many people are coming.

[sweetiez]

Is it weddingplans? If so, there are a lot of trolls on there so you have to be careful whenever you read something on there. :)

Emily Post says in "Etiquette for Society" that whomever is hosting the wedding & reception should contact the guests who have not responded. In previous times, the parents hosted, planned, and fully funded the wedding. Therefore, the servants of the household were charged to contact guests for the Mother of The Bride (the hostess). However, it is common now for brides to plan and fund their own weddings and receptions. Because of this, it is perfectly acceptable for a bride to call guests who have not responded. However, if you're already busy you might want to ask someone in your wedding party to help.
Omg there trolls on there!!? seriously.. cuz i just recently join that one.. i think i'll leave it then!! :faint:

[sweetiez]

I never heard of MOH or bm's doing that either. for me i think its something i should do. Because i will feel better if i do it LOL
Yeah, im sooo picky!

[Winter_Bride]

We ended up having to. We waited for a week after the RSVPs were due, and then we made our calls. I don't see it as rude - what was rude was the 20 people who didn't respond on time!! And there were quite a few "yes" in there!! :shakefist: