Is this rude?

[MalibuStacy1982]

So my sister in law is kinda stupid...i'm not trying be mean...ok maybe i am, but i cannot believe the myspace message i just read from her.

"Hey I was wondering if it would be okay if I asked Steph to come with me to your wedding. I wanted to ask you first because its your wedding and I didn't know how you planned it all out. And I was also wondering if you were going to have a bachelorette party or not and if you were when and where it would be. We will probably come in town the weekend before the wedding. So let me know if its okay and if your having a party or not. Okay talk to you later."

Are you kidding me?? Is she seriously serious??? I'm pretty sure their invitation isnt going to say Stacy's Brother's Family and His Wife's Best Friend. I guess she thinks she needs someone to sit with her and her unruly children since my brother and the rest of my family are involved in my wedding. The baby will only be about 8 months old so he shouldnt be too bad, but the 3 year old is a little terror. I dont know Stephanie (not to be confused with my younger sister Stephanie, we're talking a whole different Stephanie)so i'm not sure why Gretchen thinks i would allow it. I also know she realizes we have a super tight budget, so i'm actually quite offended she even asked.

I havent responded yet, because i want to talk to my mom about it first and see if she's on the same page as me about it before proceeding, but she is most definitely not welcome or invited. Chris and i have already cut out people who are important to us because of budget issues so why in the world would we let her bring some random person?? When i do respond that will be my reason why she cant come. I'll leave out the "why in the world" part though. I dont even think the option for her to pay for her own food is even an option either. Thats just insane!

I guess i'll give her the benefit of the doubt and be glad she's asked me before just doing it but i'm still pretty shocked.

Would anyone else allow their sister in law to bring her best friend along with the rest of her family??

[Mrs.Brooks]

It's your wedding and if budget issues don't allow it then heck no! Don't feel bad. :hug:

I would have found it really strange if my SIL asked me that. I don't see why a random person should be at my wedding.

[Winter_Bride]

I am actually involved in a wedding in October (*Kim*'s) where my now 19-month-old daughter is flowergirl, and I've already asked the bride if it's ok if my mom comes in the case my husband can't make it (he travels, but doesn't really get much say as to when he goes). Because I'll be in the wedding party, I'll need an extra person to toddler-wrangle, but because I know she's on a budget, I informed her that *IF* my mom needs to come, it would be to ceremony only (where I know there aren't space limitations), and I would send the two home after pictures so that she doesn't need to pay for an extra plate at the reception.

In that case, however, I explained my reasoning. It's not because I'll be lonely (which I wouldn't be because I'm involved in the wedding anyway!) it's for pratical reasons, and for the ceremony only, and so that my daughter can be flower-girl and the bride won't have to worry about an MIA bridesmaid.

At least she's asking before adding a "+1" to the response card!! But I think that if her reasons are as you suspect, she should have said as much, and if she's REALLY concerned about handling her children, she should find a babysitter for at least the 3 year old for that day (if he/she's not involved in your wedding)!!! Even with all of your FH's family busy with the wedding, I'm sure that someone will be able to lend her a hand if it comes down to it, and she should have checked into that as an option before asking you to invite an extra person.

You shouldn't feel bad about saying no!

[Raychel]

I don't think she was necessarily being rude. At least she asked. All you gotta say is no.

[Mandy]

I agree with everything that's been said. On the upside, she was nice enough to ask. Had she shown up with this woman to your wedding, then I'd probably have a completely different answer.

I would just respond and let her know that you're not in a position to add more people at this point. If she makes a big deal about needing someone to help with the kids, you could suggest some mutual family members who are already attending who may be happy to help with the kids. Otherwise, state your case and don't think about it again.

Best of luck!

[*Kim*]

i agree with all that has been states so far. youre on a budget and ultimately its your decision who comes and who doesnt. she asked and you'll say no.

if her reasoning is to help with her children then, like said before, suggest other family members that are already attending or her getting a babysitter.

[carolinalady67]

I think the rudest part is posting it on myspace. But maybe that is me being in an older generation. If the reason she wanted her friend to come was to help with the kids she should have called and talked to you about it. But if she is not in the wedding party I also find it sad she can't handle two kids. So, the question becomes is she asking so she will have someone to help with the kids, or someone to talk to and "party" with and distract both of them from the job of watching the kids.

Having had a guest (not even a family member) add to my guest list by bringing more people then were included on her invitiation (her grandchildren!) I know how frustrating it is, I'm glad for you though that she did at least ask, giving you the option to say no.

[jillian]

At least she asked!! Some guests will just invited other guests without care!

[*Diane*]

Don't let her get to you, Stacy. :bighug: She may have a very valid reason for asking and sometimes people just don't pay that much attention when we are talking about the wedding. She might have missed that you guys had to tighten the guest list because of money. Just ask her and explain why you have to say no. She will be your sister for the rest of your life once you get married. :)

[MalibuStacy1982]

She's already my "sister" since she's my brothers wife. I'm already stuck with her. haha! Thankfully after getting the approval of mom (which even if she thought it was ok, i was still saying no) i emailed her back and told her we had to cut out our own friends so there was no room for additional guests. I was really nice about it (which is sometimes hard to do when it comes to her). Thankfully she accepted and told me not to think anymore about it. I honestly expected a huge issue to come of it, but i'm extremely glad there isnt!! Thanks for the advice girls!!

[carolinalady67]

I'm really glad for you that it has been resolved with no additional issues.

[*Ashley*]

Glad everything worked out. I loved having MLW during my wedding planning -- when I was freaking out and going crazy, it was good to have other perspectives :)

I do find it a little odd that she didn't give a reason. Have you thought about hiring a sitter for the reception or having a kids area to keep the terror contained? I know it's an extra cost, but if you have a high schooler in the family (who is already invited) looking to make a little extra cash, it wouldn't be a bad idea.

[Mel]

i'm so glad she took it well! :hug:

[*Diane*]

You must have handled that really well, Stacie, if she wasn't upset! Good job! :thumbsup:

[Winter_Bride]

I'm so glad she understood and it was easy to resolve!! :hug:

[Mandy]

Glad to hear it worked out!