MOH?

[aprilbride]

My MOH is not doing anything to help with the wedding. We went dress shopping a few times but nothing really came of it. The last time we did go shopping she did nothing but complain about my colors and what she was or was not going to wear.

My finace found a dress (gag gift) to send to her although we never did he told her about it and it was "hookerish" and she said I would crap if she actually showed up in it.


I am not sure how to deal with this. We didnt get the dress but I am affraid if I let her pick out her own dress she will show up in something not appropriate. My other two BM's I have nothing to worry about. I know they will have great taste in dresses.

I am at a loss here I am not sure what to do.

Is it ok to ask them not be a MOH but just a BM after I already asked her?

[Mrs. Bebe]

Hi April, and welcome! How frustrating for you to already be having to deal with this stuff...sadly, difficulties within the bridal party are pretty much par for the course for most brides.

It is important for you to outline your expectations of the your bridal party (particularly your MOH) early on. Let them know exactly what you need from them. I often suggest that a "group meeting" be held over dinner and you guys can chat about things freely as a unit.

Since you chose her to be your MOH, I am assuming that she is a close friend of yours. Try having a heart to heart with her about your concerns. Tell her that you really want her to feel comfortable in whatever dress she wears, but that you would like to have a "unified theme" among the bridesmaids in terms of colors and style of dress.

Next, ask her to choose a few styles from bridal magazines and websites that really appeal to her. You might be surprised to find that a new set of eyes can open up possibilities that you didn't even know existed. If you let her feel some ownership with the dress situation, she will likely start to feel more invested on a personal level.

From those choices, identify what you love and what you hate. Sit down with her and explain to her which your favorites are. Be firm with her that the final decision lies with you, but that you value her opinions and imput as a friend.

A word of advice: unless you are planning on paying for all the dresses, bear in mind that it is a pretty significant financial investment for your bridesmaids to make...particularly for a dress that they can't stand.

Odds are you won't find a dress that is everyone's "dream dress"- but with proper communication and with everyone feeling that their opinions are valued, you can often come up with the perfect "consensus" dress.


As for the negativity, I would explain to her that planning a wedding is a very stressful process and that it is really important to you that she be a positive influence. Let her know that her opinion is extremely valuable to you, but that you really need her to try to be supportive as opposed to negative.

I personally would try these tactics prior to asking her to step down. As much as it is your decision to ask her to do so, remember that her feelings will likely be very hurt especially if you don't give her a fair chance to prove herself to you!

Just my two cents! Good luck with everything.

[SueMartin]

what else is there to say? what a great answer.. I too am sorry that you are faced with all this negativity so early on in the planning prtocess... but dont let her choose her own dress unless its from a selection that YOU are comfortable with. Maybe you can the same colout buta different style for her, as she IS the MOH

[aprilbride]

Thanks! That really helps on of my BM's told me to choose 5 styles that I like and let them choose from those. I think that is what I might do. I was thinking of still letting her stay as the MOH but give a special recognition for the ones who are really helping me. I have talked to her and she just doesnt seem to care. It is really hard cuz she is my best friend. It sucks because everyone knew I was going to ask her but they all knew I would regret it in the end.

She is not very liked by my family or even other friends. But that is neitehr her nor there.

[aprilbride]

This has had to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I had to relieve my "best friend" of her maid of honor duties. There has been so much stress relieved but I am kinda sad at the same time. Thank you everyone for your input on this matter. But my new MOH is great she has done alot for me already! And I got my cousin to be the other BM so I still have what I need. Glad everything is working out.

[Mel]

while it sucks that you had to do it, i am glad you were able to stand up for your needs as a bride and friend :hug:

[Raychel]

I'm sorry that you had to do that but it sounds like it was for the best!