Does anyone else feel like they're inferior to their siblings and/or FILs?

[nikkiana]

This isn't necessarily wedding related, though I suppose it could be seeing as my wedding seems to be evoking these feelings.... Does anyone else compare themselves to either their siblings or their future sibling-in-laws and feel sorta inferior to them?

[carolinalady67]

I have to give my parents a lot of credit that they raised us to appreciate our own unique qualities as well as that of our sisters. They NEVER compared one against the other and that continues for us all today. So no, I don't feel inferior to any of my sisters. Just as I don't feel any of them are inferior to me.

Are these feelings new for you? Since planning the wedding? I am sorry you're feeling that way. Because I'm sure you are not inferior to anyone!

[nikkiana]

I dunno why, but I have always felt inferior to my FBIL and FSIL... FH and I aren't particularly close to them, we try to be friendly with them, but I always get the feeling that they think we're under-educated doofs or something. (They've both got masters degrees and we've both got associates degrees).

The trigger of latest bout of "I feel like I suck compared to them" was reading in their blogs today that they put an offer down for a house... and while I feel like I ought to be happy for them.... I'm totally depressed over the fact that after the wedding is over in 9 days, I'm completely directionless. Both FH and I are currently jobless. The only reason we aren't homeless cause my parents aren't the sort that would kick us out.... In short, I'm a bit jealous of their stability at the moment.

I know I shouldn't compare our situation to there's.... but I end up doing it anyway... and whenever I'm around them, I feel like they think we're dirt.

[Kirsten]

Yup. Been there. I'm kind of directionless at the moment, too (major change in careers after 2 years of unemployment). I'm trying to "get my act together" at the moment.

[rowanmayfairs]

Sometimes I feel inferior to my sister (only sibling).

I know in some ways I am alot more mature and have more common sense, etc..

but her & BIL just bought nice vehicles (paid cash), then bought jet skiis, and working on getting the money to build a house. They work hard for their money and by no means rich or even doing well off.. They are working HARD for it..

She can stick her head in a tank of manure and come out smelling like roses every time..

I feel a bit inferior that it seems no matter what i do lately things just aren't coming out well..

We are struggling to raise the additional $495.00 we need for our wedding and get ahead financially.

I know my sister & BIL are working hard to pay for what they..and I worry they are getting above their head.

But I still feel bad..I am the oldest and always been the most responsible in so many ways. But my sister is doing better than me lately it seems.

[smiles]

I have one sister who is the outgoing trouble maker. She's very popular, pretty, smart(but uses her smarts in the wrong way), and good looking. She always steals all the attention and gets her way. I'm very laid back and quiet, so growing up it always seems like all attention was on her. It's easy to get a little jealous at times, and feel inferior. But I know I have a lot of qualities that she doesn't have. She's outgoing, but ends up with crazy guys and bad relationships which I haven't dealt with. She's pretty, but going to ruin herself young by tanning and smoking. She gets in trouble constantly. She's a high school dropout, so shes going to struggle when she cant be supported off our parents forever.

[katieandalex]

My mom was always a great one for saying "Well, Jenny never did that." "Well, Jenny would have never liked that." etc. It annoyed the crap out of me. I learned to just deal with it and not take it so personally like I did when I was younger. My dad would always point out that all of us kids were all so different but yet all great. We all have our different likes and dislikes. When the planning started for my wedding, my mom started doing stuff like "Well this is what you did for Jenny's wedding" and I just had to lay it on the line and say "This isn't Jenny's wedding. This is what I want." Yes, my sister's wedding was GOREGOUS...but just not me at all. Very much her...but just not me. I would have never picked those colors, that dress, those flowers, etc....it all looked great together, just not me. And thats why my wedding is nothing like my sisters wedding in any way...it just took my mom a while to figure out that she couldn't use the stuff from Jen's wedding at mine.

As for feeling inferior, no. Out of myself and my siblings, I'm probably the most bull-headed of us all (with my brother in a close 2nd) so I'm not about to budge on stuff....I wanted fresh flowers, I got fresh flowers...I wanted a certain caterer, I got a certain caterer....I wanted caramel apple favors, I got caramel apple favors. I guess its just my specialty since I'm the baby of the family.:hehe:

[Jaime]

My BIL tries to make everyone fell inferior to him. It doesn't work, mainly because he sleeps alone at night and I don't. He might make more money than me, but I got the big prize in my DH.

[purple_octopus]

Growing up, my sister was always thinner, prettier, funnier, and blonde. I still love her, though. I don't feel inferior, although I sometimes wish I were as pretty and thin as she is. She is petite like my mom's side of the family, and I am 5'9" and not petite at all. Oh well, at least I have the boobs. :p

[KathyandJer]

I have had many bouts of feelings of inferiority - basically self-inflicted though because my self-confidence sucks :(

I hope you realize that even though you don't have much direction right now, you will soon ... and once you do, I imagine the rest of the world will have to watch out :)

[Mandy]

I definatly feel inferior to FSIL. I know I shouldn't. She's 19 with 2 kids and she's married. She can't hold a job, and she has absolutly no skills.

I get upset because sinc she has kids, she's showered with attention and gifts constantly. FMIL has made a job of bailing her out of any kind of trouble. FH and I are extremely hard workers, both college educated, we pay for everything ourselves and are extremely responsible. We don't get any kind of help or attention, but FSIL can get fired from a job she's had for 2 days and she's lavished upon. I get really upset and can't help but feel inferior. It bothers me that I feel like FH gets absolutly nothing for being responsible. Sometimes I wonder if we both lost our jobs and wallowed in our own self pity if we's get half the help FSIL did. :rolleyes:

[Angela]

It's difficult.......I have a younger sister like a lot of you ladies do...pretty, popular, and always getting into trouble. Growing up, it was difficult knowing that she was the "pretty one," but as I got older I realized that's not what matters, and that by not making the mistakes she has my life has taken a much better direction than hers.

Tom's oldest sister tries to make everyone feel like she's SO MUCH better than them, but I finally realized it's because she's so damn insecure. And I won't give her the satisfaction of knowing that she's made me upset in some way, if she has. I just let her nasty comments roll off of me.

Life, especially now, is just difficult for everyone. I finished my BA in 3 1/2 years, and during those 3 1/2 years, everyone expected me to be working full-time, and for Tom and I to be on our own...it definitely DIDN'T happen! We barely survived financially during that time, and I had the worst time finding a job after I graduated in December....we JUST moved into our own place at the beginning of this month, and are finally standing on our own 2 (or 4) feet after what seems like forever.

Things WILL work out, Niki....it just takes time :)

[Winter_Bride]

I'm SO GLAD to see I'm not the only one!!

Older BIL is 27, DH is 25, SIL is 25 (younger BIL's wife), BIL is 23, and I'm 23.

We're all very close in age, all going through a lot of the same stuff.

The 5 of us get along VERY well however. I have NO PROBLEM referring to/thinking of these people as my family. My own sibs are 19 and 16 - a lot younger than me. It's my MIL however that drives me crazy!!!

DH and I were the first to get married. We had been dating a lot shorter than BIL and SIL, but the time was just right for us. And all I heard was how MIL was glad we were doing things "the right way". Fine and dandy. We bought a house in the city (DH and his bros all grew up in small towns) and started to set up our lives together.

BIL and SIL then got engaged and bought a house in a small town just south of the city.:jump4joy: But then it was "isn't it great that SIL MOVED to a small town for BIL? She knows what's important to him..." WTF??? DH was the one who found our house! DH was the one who liked the area!! DH DH DH!! "BIL and SIL are so wise with their money..." Again I say what??? DH and I have 9 years of university between the 2 of us!! We worked our a$$es off to get degrees so we could work our a$$es off at good jobs!! BIL and SIL have good jobs too, but they don't make quite as much as we do, so they don't spend quite as much as we do. It doesn't mean that we're bad people!!

And then their ENTIRE wedding... NOTHING SIL did was wrong (as opposed to our wedding, when MIL passive-aggressively fought me on everything...) and although there was some scheduling mayhem, everything went off without a hitch, and it was beautiful.

And then DH and I recieve picture after picture of their wedding from friends and family (we didn't recieve any pictures from ours).

Now DH and I are expecting, and BIL and SIL are going to start trying!! I'm SO EXCITED for them, and I'm SO EXCITED for our little one to have a cousin, but I must say I'm worried as to what the MIL will say when it all comes down to it.

SIL can do nothing wrong. It's like she's the golden daughter-in-law... My only hope is that my older BIL finds someone as flawed as me... :rolleyes:

[Andrea]

My parents have raised me to think that EVERYONE is equal which is totally how i feel with my family!

With his, well, I don't really notice because his brother lives in Vancouver

[wendy9879]

I'm an only child so I don't have any of my own siblings to feel inferior to. :p

I do sometimes feel inferior to DH's siblings (Katie & Ned). Katie is 33 and expecting her first baby with her partner. Her partner, Laura, works as a custom home builder. Because of this, they're building their 3rd (huge) home. It's hard for me not to feel a little jealous because we're always broke and live in a crappy rental house. I know it's stupid to feel this way because we could be where they are in 7 years. It's hard for me to look that far ahead when I want these things NOW! :hissyfit:

I don't really feel inferior to Ned but I know DH is. His brother is 4 years younger and just started med school. DH wanted to go to med school but feels that if he goes ahead with that plan, he'll be "trying to be like Ned". Therefore, DH has changed his major to pre-law. :sarcasticclap: (Please take all the time you need....I like sitting in neutral! :impatient:) :laugh3:

Ned is the youngest and the golden child in the family. He can do no wrong and he has always fought to be the smartest, the best at sports, etc to out-do his siblings and make his parents proud.

I feel more inferior to Ned's GF, Liz (23). Liz graduated from college and got an awesome job right after paying more than I ever dreamed I could make. I'm 27, jobless and unsure of my direction. Should I go back to school? Should I start my own business? It's hard when everyone around you, younger or older, is better off. :sigh:

[Stitch's girl]

Well, oldest brother owns two homes, middle brother is a lawyer and his wife is a doctor, and younger sister is a nationally ranked female rugby player... ummm... yeah... the inferiority thing affects me sometimes... just cause FH and I struggle to make ends meet every month. And we are not doing all that bad-we have nothing to complain about... I have a great, well paying career, and only needed to get my BS to do it, he is trying to get an engineering job (Mechanical Engineer by degree, but he works as a landscape designer right now and can make his half of the bills without any trouble)... we own a nice car, and bought a small house last year.... but when your siblings are that far ahead, you can't help but feel inferior sometimes.

[~LeAna~]

I don't feel inferior to my brother or FBIL but I do have a similar situation.

FH grew up in a small town. His father was a judge and his parents are very popular with a lot of people. FH grew up very close to his parents friends kids, L and S. L and S married and now do wonderfully. They got married a little over a year ago, he's an architect and she's a lawyer who can sing, perfoms in plays and has time to run 5 miles every morning and take care of her disabled sister. They have a great house right near us with their dog that they can pay to have professionally trained.

They also go to their home town 2-3 weekends a month to visit and we hear about that non-stop from FH parents. We do have a life at home!

Now we're no slugs either. FH is a software engineer and I am an accountant that just finished my master's. We have plenty of money but every time I'm around these friends, I feel inferior. We have a great apartment and a dog that we just love to bits but nothing we ever so is as good as them. It enfuriates me!

I know that you're not supposed to compare yourself to other people but I can't seem to help it. His parents do it all the time. "Well L and S said they did this. You should do that too." I just feel like we're always in their shadow.

[*Kim*]

SIL can do nothing wrong. It's like she's the golden daughter-in-law... My only hope is that my older BIL finds someone as flawed as me... :rolleyes:

i remember a time not extremely long ago that you and i were thinking about trying to get your older BIL and i together. now that would have given your MIL something to complain about. then i would have been the bad DIL, you the okay DIL and SIL the perfect DIL.

[Winter_Bride]

i remember a time not extremely long ago that you and i were thinking about trying to get your older BIL and i together. now that would have given your MIL something to complain about. then i would have been the bad DIL, you the okay DIL and SIL the perfect DIL.

lol

[nikkiscott]

The only thing that both fh and I have said on many occasions is that we are going to have a more funner wedding then his brother did. And it is going to be cause we have a lot of fun friends that we get along great with. I can't wait to see the look on his brother face and his wifes face when they see our wedding. Which I think in all ways is better then theirs. :laugh3:

[Raychel]

*digging up old threads*

I've felt inferior to my sister when it comes to having it together. She is one of those people, that knew what she wanted from like since she was literally like 6 years old, stuck with it, and essentially got it. In the meantime, I feel like I've had to struggle for everything I've gotten and don't really have much of what I want anyways.

[thefuturemrsgoss]

One word- SIL.

She's "perfect".

She gave my FMIL and FFIL their first grandchild. She's been around in thick and thin. She's never around, doesn't really care if her husband (ben's brother) stays up under his mother's butt, and could care less about my niece unless she's the source of attention.

My niece is her spotlight, and now that we're getting married, She wants another baby.

Hmmm, wonder why?

[TenThirteen]

I have a great relationship with everyone. I lucked out I guess. Not everyone has that from what I understand.