Can I Have a Shower?

[Becki]

I've had a few people in class asking me about whether I will have a bridal shower so it has gotten me thinking.

This will be my second wedding and it is a destination wedding so there is a very limited guest list (15-20 ppl tops).

Is it ok for me to have a shower?
Obviously I wouldn't throw it myself. It will probably be my mom. The guest list will be completely different than the shower for my first wedding since most of the guests were friends of my ex-MIL. There is possibly one guest who would've been invited to both.

My real concern is the fact that we're not having a local wedding. Is it ok to invite people to a shower and then not have a wedding for them to attend also?

[*Diane*]

I don't see any reason why you shouldn't have a shower (though technically, etiquette says it shouldn't be your mom). I know lots of people who have done that but usually they will also have a party at home to celebrate too. Are you doing that?

[Becki]

My mom did my last shower too. I'm not having a bridal party so there really isn't anyone else. No, we don't plan to have a party at home after the wedding.

[~Sara~]

I think it's perfectly acceptable, especially since people are asking and want to do something for you. It'll be a good way to share your big day with people who can't be there. :) You could always do one after the wedding to share pictures and things?

[luxebudgetbride]

I think it's perfectly acceptable, especially since people are asking and want to do something for you. It'll be a good way to share your big day with people who can't be there. :) You could always do one after the wedding to share pictures and things?

I very much like this idea of an after party! :)

[Becki]

I can promise Garry will not want another party after the wedding. He barely wants a party during the wedding :lol:

[~Sara~]

It wouldn't even have to be a party. Just a shower and he wouldn't even have to come :lol: Kinda like the sip 'n sees for babies, where the shower is after the baby comes so everybody can meet them. The shower can be after the wedding so everybody can ooh and aah over how pretty you looked :biggrin:

[Becki]

Interesting :ponder:
I've never really heard of sip n sees (until Amanda mentioned one the other day).

I'm leaning toward before since it will be summer and most of the people I know work in education somehow.

[Sabby12s]

I've never heard of a Sip n See either, but I think it is a good idea! Not to totally hyjack this thread but I was thinking about what we could do when the time comes in place of christening party since we won't be christening our children. I like the idea of a party for the baby so it can be welcomed into the family.

Anyway, I think it is fine. My work friends threw me a party and none of them were invited to my wedding. We did a destination wedding too, but we invited a lot of people so of course the same people were invited to my shower. I say go for it unless you don't really need "stuff" since you guys are already situated in your house and everything.

[Mel]

i think that esp if people are asking, its fine to do it. :nod:

[Aramelle]

I had a shower for my renewal. I wasn't sure about it since 1) it was my second marriage, 2) we were already married at the time of the shower, and 3) like you, most of the people at the shower wouldn't be at the wedding since we were getting married out of town. But I had some good friends who very much wanted to host a celebration for me, and I decided to accept. I didn't register and didn't expect gifts (though everyone did give one)...I just wanted a fun afternoon with my girl friends. I am SO HAPPY that I agreed to it because it was a really lovely day. :)

[Becki]

I think a lot of it is a) wanting to feel like a bride and b) to replace the horrible memories of my first shower. I've had 5 or 6 class and work people ask about a shower, but then I remembered that most of those people don't even know I was ever married before. So it isn't like I'm asking the same peopel to come to another shower. Maybe they can bring a recipe or something like that rather than a gift :shrug:

[Mel]

you can have them bring a recipe for their favorite dish and their recipe for love ;)
something i had did recipes for love and i got a couple really cute ones.

[Aramelle]

A recipe shower might be a great way to take the focus off of gifts. I mean, you'll likely still get gifts, and that's great. But at least it's not ABOUT gifts. I don't know how you feel, but that was the part that made me unsure about the whole "shower the second time around" thing. I know pot lucks for showers and such are considered taboo by many, but I saw what I thought was a really cute idea when I was looking for wording for Stacie's shower invites. It was for each person to pick a recipe to share with the bride and to bring that dish to share with everyone at the shower.

[Becki]

I like that idea. I'm so not traditional when it comes to what should and shouldn't be done that sometimes I need to step back and try to think what other people will think about something. I have this personal belief that there are no real rules to a wedding, but I know that that is a rare attitude and many people would shudder just hearing me say that.

[Aramelle]

I tend to agree with you, Becki. :shrug2:

[Mel]

i think you get to make your own rules. esp the second time around.

[Aramelle]

It's funny you should say that Mel, as I got to thinking about this a few minutes ago when I was showering, and I wondered if maybe it was a second time around thing to not worry about it all so much. I think it's easier to make your choices based on what's right for the two of you as a couple, rather than on what everyone says is correct.

[Becki]

I have to agree. I was so worried about following the rules and all that for my first wedding that I don't think it lived up to my expectations. It was a great day and I loved it during, but looking back there are so many things I did just to please others that I wouldn't have bothered with. That includes my first shower which was basically for my MIL even though my mom threw it.

[Deidre98]

A friend of the family's son got married recently and they got married at a Justice of the Peace. However, they did throw a shower where everyone brought their favorite recipe and then something to go along with the recipe, either an ingredient, tool, etc. It was a really fun time, according to my mom, and they got a lot of nice items.

My feeling re: etiquette is as long as you are doing things for a genuine reason (ie, wanting others to share in your happiness versus being greedy and only wanting presents), I don't see a problem with having a second shower.

[Becki]

Well, you know me and gifts ;)

I really just want people to celebrate with us and enjoy the day. If they bring gifts, great. If not, that's fine too.