Jewish Brides Official Thread

[MsJessica07]

Hi everyone!

I know there aren't too many Jewish brides out there on this forum (at least there weren't) but I'm finding out lots of interesting information about Jewish ceremonies so I thought I'd post it here (as well as probably in my journal).

So, Jewish? FH/DH Jewish? Having a Jewish ceremony? Say hi!

Also, feel free to ask me any questions about Judaism or related subjects, as long as they're respectful (I don't expect any trouble from you great girls though!)

[Kya]

I am not Jewish, but I decided to at least read your post.

And sign in and not leave you hanging lol! I am hanging also!

[MsJessica07]

So, seems like there aren't really other Jewish brides out there, but I figure I'll post, from time to time, information about Jewish weddings and what's involved in them. We only had one other Jewish bride on UW, and she seems to have gotten lost in the move, which is sad, but maybe I'll find more Jews to point this direction ;)

Anyway, what should I start with...? Hmmm....

[oupiglet]

I'm Jewish, and I was a bride. We had a non-religious ceremony that I wrote. It incorporated ideas of a Jewish ceremony without religion being mentioned. Instead of "the" seven blessings we had 7 friends/family members read 7 blessings from different cultures. It was a neat way to do things.

[MsJessica07]

That sounds really neat :) Is your DH Jewish? I like hearing how people use the different elements to create something that represents them...

[angie]

My FH is Jewish. I was raised Catholic. We're having a pretty neutral non-religious wedding. We will be doing the Hava Nagila though.

[MsJessica07]

I remember you saying that when we first met on UW :) Once we pick out a DJ, I bet we'll have a lot of fun dances too...I'm just imagining what the DJ is going to think of that one!!

[angie]

A fair amount of Jewish people reside in my area. My town of Bensalem is sometimes jokingly referred to as Ben-shalom. :hehe: So, if we add anything else besides the Hava Nagila and the DJ doesn't know it, I will be shocked.

[MsJessica07]

Some links for Jewish wedding related stuff. These are the obvious ones, but it's a start!

From the Knot:
http://www.theknot.com/ch_qaarticle.html?Object=5797424316
http://www.theknot.com/ch_article.html?Object=AI91108164908
http://www.theknot.com/ch_article.html?Object=AI990319162313&keywordID=193&keywordType=3&parentID=
http://www.theknot.com/ch_article.html?Object=AI990319162420&keywordID=193&keywordType=3&parentID=
http://www.theknot.com/ch_article.html?Object=AI990319162144&keywordID=193&keywordType=3&parentID=
http://www.theknot.com/ch_article.html?Object=9077758789&keywordID=193&keywordType=3&parentID=

Wedding Channel
http://www.weddingchannel.com/ui/buildArticle.action?assetPath=/templates/Planning/Checklist/jewishmain1.vm
http://www.weddingchannel.com/ui/buildArticle.action?assetUID=3875&c=3875&s=84&t=71&p=39839326&l=100899
http://www.weddingchannel.com/ui/buildArticle.action?assetUID=3812&c=3812&s=84&t=71&p=39838630&l=101169

[BeachKat]

I am Jewish and I went to many Jewish weddings.. I would love to have one someday! My religion is Messianic Judaism. :heee:

[Dmsangel]

I am Jewish, but not religious. My fh is catholic and semi-religious.

We've asked my grandfather and his father to each say something from either religion during the ceremony.

Any suggestions for my grandfather? He's having a tough time because he wants it to be perfect (aww!)

[oupiglet]

You could have him say the Seven Blessings. Look up a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony. It is an integral part.

[MsJessica07]

I like that idea! That would be a great way to include tradition!

[Dmsangel]

Thanks, I've mentioned it to him and we'll see what he says :)

[flasoxgirl]

I am Jewish but my FH is not, we are having a technically non religious wedding with a lot of Jewish customs thrown in. I want a chuppa, breaking of the glass (lightbulb) and Jewish dancing.

My question is about the unity candle. I love the idea of the 2 mothers lighting the candle together to unite the family. The concern is that I heard this was a catholic tradition. Has anyone heard this before?

[MsJessica07]

First, welcome! And congratulations on being engaged and everything!

As for your question: If the wedding is technically secular, then there could be room for the tradition. I don't know if it is catholic per say, but I have only seen it or heard of it at weddings that would be considered more "christian" than secular.

There is a Jewish tradition of having the mothers break a plate either before or during the ceremony to symbolize that your primary family is now each other, rather than your parents.

Looking forward to hearing more about your plans :)

[*Kim*]

I am Jewish but my FH is not, we are having a technically non religious wedding with a lot of Jewish customs thrown in. I want a chuppa, breaking of the glass (lightbulb) and Jewish dancing.

My question is about the unity candle. I love the idea of the 2 mothers lighting the candle together to unite the family. The concern is that I heard this was a catholic tradition. Has anyone heard this before?

the unity candle is a catholic tradition, but it is done in non-denominational ceremonies as well. most people just use it as a symbol of the 2 families becoming one...

[Mel]

:wave:

[MsJessica07]

Hey Mello.

[Pearl]

Neither of us religious, but his parents Jewish. Thinking about having FH smash a glass with his foot before we walk back down aisle. (I thought his dad would like it but not sure) Would that be inappropriate since FH isn't religious?

[MsJessica07]

My cousins had a non-religious wedding, but did the glass breaking a symbol of my cousins family.

If you have the kind of relationship where you can bring that up, then I would suggest talking to them about it. There is a lot of symbolism associated with breaking the glass and it can be a nice way of introducing a Jewish note to the wedding.

[Pearl]

OK, thanks! I just thought it would make the dad happy, I'm glad it's not anything taboo. I would like to surprise him, tho.

Thanks for the help

[MsJessica07]

You're welcome :) Let me know if you have any other questions :)

[Dmsangel]

My Grandpa wanted us to do that, but my hubby felt uncomfortable since it wasn't his religion, so we didn't do it.

[flasoxgirl]

I need an opinion from you wondrful ladies. I am having a non religious ceremony in theory but it is going to be mostly Jewish. I am having a chuppah, and breaking the glass. I don't really want religion mentioned so both sides feel comfortable. The problem I am having is with the readings. I found 2 that I love that make no mention of God in any way.

The first one is
BLESSING FOR A MARRIAGE
~ James Dillet Freeman ~

May your marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring, and may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding.
May you always need one another - not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you to know your fullness. A mountain needs a valley to be complete; the valley does not make the mountain less, but more; and the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it. So let it be with you and you.
May you need one another, but not out of weakness.
May you want one another, but not out of lack.
May you entice one another, but not compel one another.
May you embrace one another, but not out encircle one another.
May you succeed in all important ways with one another, and not fail in the little graces.
May you look for things to praise, often say, "I love you!" and take no notice of small faults.
If you have quarrels that push you apart, may both of you hope to have good sense enough to take the first step back. May you enter into the mystery which is the awareness of one another's presence - no more physical than spiritual, warm and near when you are side by side, and warm and near when you are in separate rooms or even distant cities.
May you have happiness, and may you find it making one another happy.
May you have love, and may you find it loving one another.

This one seems to me to have a Jewish feel to it, the way everything starts with May you...

The second one I want is

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

The problem I am having is that this is from the New Testiment and my mother is not happy with it. She is ok with having a non religious ceremony as long as it is pretty much totally Jewish. I think it is fine since it doesn't mention Jesus or anything like that.

Should I reconsider?

[MsJessica07]

That's a tough one.

On one hand, if your mom's opinion is important to you, there are lots of beautiful readings that aren't from the New Testament. I think there's something to be said for making people uncomfortable, since that is pretty recognizably from the New Testament, even if it doesn't mention Jesus.

Still, it is your wedding, and you have to make the final decision. :hug: I'm sure it's tough!

[Mel]

ita with jess....
those were, literally, my exact thoughts.

[km]

:lurk:

[Mel]

:bump:

any of the new brides planning jewish weddings or incorporating jewish wedding traditions into their day?

[~Arielle~]

:bump:

any of the new brides planning jewish weddings or incorporating jewish wedding traditions into their day?

That would be me! I posted in my intro that I am Jewish and my FH is not (agnostic). He has agreed/also wants a Jewish wedding but not to the fullest extent. My parents are orthadox and while I am definitely not they have a big say in the wedding so the planning is going to be quite difficult... now im not yet engaged (I know he has the ring but i dont have it yet :) ) but im trying to get as much information as to what I can do with the wedding before going to my parents about it. I know they want a rabbi to marry us, which im sure I can find one that is willing to do so, I want a chuppa and the breaking of the glass and it will have to be in a synagogue im assuming... im not sure if a rabbi will do a reception not in one.

His parents and family are methodist and arent going to be happy when they hear about this but it is what we want so they are just going to have to deal, I just kinda wish that it doesnt have to be at a synagogue so it is a little more comfortable for them.

[MsJessica07]

That sounds like an interesting situation, and we'd love to help you out!

It doesn't have to be at a synagogue, unless your parents want it to be or something! Mine wasn't and it was definitely an Orthodox ceremony! We had it at the university we graduated from, in their beautiful alumni center. My synagogue wasn't big enough and my husband's was under construction (although it was scheduled to be done in time, but we didn't trust the schedule which was GOOD because it wasn't done!) so we chose somewhere neutral. It was also good because although both of us are Jewish (and are our parents), there is a lot of non-Jewish family and our parents are different kinds of Jewish (mine are Reform and his are Orthodox).

Hope that helps!!

[Mel]

hi there! so glad you came on over....

jess is right, there is no reason it has to be in a synagogue. many ppl choose to get married in other locations for a variety of reasons. in fact, i know a rabbi who says "have chuppah, will travel" - b/c really, that is the essential piece.
finding a rabbi who will do an interfaith marriage may be a bit trickier, but i am sure there are some in your area. you will just have to ask around. often times rabbis who work in the community (as opposed to for a synogauge) are more willing to do interfaith marriages, as well as ceremonies in alternate locations!

g'luck, and know we're here to support you and help you think of any more ideas...

[~Arielle~]

Thanks so much girls :D Im sure I will have a million questions but one that I have been wondering about is if you had a sunday wedding. I dont really know about a late saturday night wedding so sunday would probably be the day. If you did, how did your out of town guests take to it? Were there any positive/negatives that came with it?

Thanks... and your gonna have to get use to the questions :p:lol:

[Mel]

i have been to and in many sunday weddings, as well as planning my own... the general reaction seems to be totally fine with it. i know a few ppl are planning to leave on either a red-eye sunday night or first thing mon am, while others will be able to enjoy having the extra day in denver to see the sights and make it a mini-vaca...
if you are really concerned and not tied to a date, you can always consider doing it on a holiday weekend (Jess got married Labor Day weekend - as did my cousin)

[~Arielle~]

Thanks Mel, I really do have a date in mind that I would love but its definitely an option to do it over a holiday weekend. I never thought of that :) Thanks!

[Mel]

anytime! that's what we are here for...
another option is to do it early enough in the day that ppl can fly out that night if they need to....

[MsJessica07]

We did it on Labor Day weekend, because we have Canadian relatives and they have Labor Day as well. We also have been to one that's on July 4 weekend, so any of them work as long as you know what your guests think.

Any date can work though, as Mel said, especially if you have it earlier in the day. We had a lunch wedding, which had the added benefit of being a little bit cheaper for catering :)

[flasoxgirl]

I did it on Memorial Day weekend which worked perfectly because most people had that Monday off and were able to fly out that day. I was given more problems from people in the local area then the out of town guests because they were worried about the Wedding going too long and them having trouble getting up for work the next day. The 3 day weekend worked perfectly.

[~Arielle~]

Thanks girls :heee:

Did you all stick with the 'traditional' wedding band - no breaks at all? I told Evan that I wanted to stick with that but im not 100% sure on it yet.

[MsJessica07]

we did...we did a really pretty engagement ring and then a plain wedding ring. I just like the symbolism and I had never really seen wedding rings that weren't plain until I started looking at rings. Like all the adults I knew either didn't wear them (my parents rings got stolen and they didn't replace them) or they just had the plain ones and a blingy other ring.

We got ours engraved on the inside which is fine. :)

[Mel]

we did...we did a really pretty engagement ring and then a plain wedding ring. I just like the symbolism

:yeah:

[Mel]

Here is an interesting article (http://www.jewishworldreview.com/jonathan/rosenblum_marriage.php3) on Jewish reflections on marriage I thought I would pass along....

[~Arielle~]

Ok so I am meeting with a Reform Rabbi who is willing to perform our ceremony next week :D I dont really know what to expect or the questions I should ask :shrug: I know I want to ask:

- Can we sign a reform Ketubah
- What must be put into a jewish ceremony and what can be omited/revised
- Do they have a chuppah that we can use at the ceremony site
- How much are his services

Any help would be greatly appreciated!!!!!

[Mel]

i think that is a good start!
i would also ask about counseling type stuff and any requirements for the ceremony and witnesses, b/c they will be different by different reform rabbis...

good luck!

[Winter_Bride]

Hi ladies, I have a question for you :shuffle:

What is the symbolism behind breaking the glass? It's totally random, but we were talking about the meaning behind the chuppah at church the other day (we were talking about weddings), and that led me to wonder behind the glass :)

Please? I can't find a good explination on the web :blush:

[~Arielle~]

The simple explanation is that it can never be put back together, your lifes will always be intertwined and its pretty much like just a sand ceremony :) If it means something much deeper, it was never conveyed to me :giggle: Thats always what I was told :biggrin:

[Winter_Bride]

Oh, that's so pretty!!! I love that idea! Thanks Arielle!

[Mel]

there are countless reasons... though the one arielle mentioned is a very common one...

here is what we put in our program about it
The formal ceremony concludes with Dustin stepping on a glass. This custom teaches us that in times of joy, we must always remember that life also brings sadness and sorrow. Traditionally, the breaking of the glass symbolizes the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem and other disasters that have befallen Jews throughout history. The irrevocable nature of a shattered glass also suggests the transforming effects that marriage has on the bride and groom, who are no longer merely individuals while sending a strong message about the fragility of human relationships, and the commitment and hard work required to keep them whole.

At the moment the glass is smashed, it is customary for all present to shout “Mazel Tov!” (good luck and congratulations) as all sadness is set aside and the time has come to rejoice with the newly married couple.

[~Arielle~]

ooooo I love that Mel!

[Mel]

thanks! i spent a lot of time writing our stuff....

[SueMartin]

thats a great description Mel.. I love the thoughts behind it.

[~Arielle~]

Okay girls, I have another question!!! How did you girls end the reception? Did you have an official "send off" or were you like the last to leave?

[MsJessica07]

We were the last to leave - that was fine with us. Mel was the same.

[Mel]

:nod:
we didn't want to miss any of the party!

[~Arielle~]

Me again! I know I can ask our rabbi this but thought I could as you guys too... are there any other traditional jewish songs to be played before/during/after the ceremony other than Siman Tov?

We finally booked our ceremony music and now I have to come up with what we want to play :lol: Also if you could give me how many songs you did for each thing... if that makes sense like:

People walking in
People walking down the aisle
You walking down the aisle
Played during the ceremony (if any)
You leaving the aisle
Everyone exiting :shrug:


We are having a String Trio with Violin, Viola & Cello

[Mel]

we didn't have a band of any sort, only our cantor, a friend, and communal voices ;)

Marty sang ma tovu and something else as clergy/WP entered.....
Arielle sang Erev Shel Shoshanim {i totally cried in rehersal as soon as she started - i will email you her vocal file she emailed me for using in the video}
Leaving was communal Siman Tov and Od Y'shama

[MsJessica07]

Od Y'shama, Asher Bara, Sameach t'samach are all traditional wedding songs - both Asher Bara and Sameach t'samach are from the wedding blessings.

We used Bendigamos which is a traditional Spanish-Portuguese Jewish song as our song down the aisle. There ended up not being a recessional :lol: