Beyond Upset!!

[jenn2350]

Ok, take a look at my post in Etiquette titled "Should I just let it go?" and you will get a little history about FH's parents not offering to pay for anything and this little baby and the brother's girlfriend always being around. Well come to find out FH's father didn't tell the brother it was an engagement dinner we were having so girlfriend and baby show up and girlfriend thinks it's a dinner for the baby, even though my parents are there...hello? hint maybe?..but she didn't get it.
Well last night I was on the way home from buying my dress (I finally got it and I'm excited!!!) and FH calls and says that the brother and girlfriend are only allowed to see each other 3 times per week since they are not married (her parents rules since she's living with them) and they plan on getting married and Aubrie (the girlfriend) has a place picked out. Guess which place she picked? That's right, the same one we put a deposit down on last week! Only she wants their's to be after the beginning of the year (ours is in September). She pretends that she doesn't know we had picked that place and said she found it on the internet.
Well that's a load of crap because there are no prices and no pictures of the facility on the internet you have to set up an appointment like I did and go look at it. I wasn't even going to add that place on my list because there wasn't any information, but we went anyways and it wound up being perfect. She's never been out there. What do I do?? I hate that she's trying to butt in and copy me on the best day of my life!
If I was pregnant when she was and her due date was before mine I wouldn't tell the doctor to induce me so I can have my baby first! That's selfish and childish and that's how she's been raised so I shouldn't expect anything else I suppose...

[Jaci]

Aww, we all have to deal with emulators, unfortunately. My ex best friend did that with quite a bit of mine, her wedding was conveniently two weeks before mine, though I had my date set for over a year, but anyway, it sounds like you just need to keep all of your plans under wraps until after her wedding, so she doesn't get the opportunity to steal your ideas. It's actually quite nice for her to have her's first and by so many months. First and foremost, after that much time, many people will probably not remember exactly what her wedding looked like, and it gives you a chance to do different things than her, to make your wedding memorable.

Don't stress too much okay?

[jenn2350]

Well apparently, after talking to FMIL, this girl said she wanted to have their's there on purpose to spite me. I don't know her or what her problem is but FMIL said she is a manipulator and always has to be the center of attention according to her own mother. I am not going to worry about it because A: she's 18 and immature and I can rise above that; and B: her mother and father don't approve of the situation at all and will not be paying for it and neither her nor FBIL have jobs. It just really upset me that she is trying to take away from my special day because she's immature and childish.

[Jaci]

Well, you said it all yourself, she's immature and childish. Just make sure you keep your plans under wraps and you won't have any problems. I'm sure your wedding will just be lovely, and not something thrown together in order to spite people, so just don't worry, she's not worth it :)

[Krissy]

Do not fall to her level! Who the hell cares when she has her wedding? It's completely different from yours. Just keep planning and keep the details to a minimum so she doesn't copy you. Ugh, I can't stand girls like her! Blegh!

[MostlyMel]

That's really weird that a girl that doesn't even know you at all would decide to do all of that just to spite you. Getting married is a huge decision and it sounds like she has no idea what she's doing. But even if her wedding is at the same place and it's before yours, don't let it get to you. I understand being upset about it but try to remember that you can do whatever you want with your wedding and it will still be beautiful. It sounds like she doesn't have the financial means to be getting married which means her wedding will probably be just thrown together. And if she doesn't have the support of her family then who is going to help her plan? I doubt she's going to be able to do it by herself so who knows.. she may not even go through with it at all. And even if she does, I'm sure it won't even compare to your wedding. So, like others have said, don't stress about it too much, this dumb girl isn't worth it.

[sweetiez]

oh lord i know how you feel in a way UGH im so sorry though if i were you tell her NOTHING about thr wedding or anyone that will tell her.. i hate people like that *UGH*

[sweetiez]

when is she 'suppose' to get married?

[sweetiez]

btw u will be married a week after me:)

[PurpleFlower]

It almost sounds like she is jealous of you because you have a lot going for you! I would give you the same advise as everyone else keep details under wraps till hers is over! Don't worry I bet your wedding will shine and just remember it will be the best day because you will be marrying the man you love, no matter what happens you will be pledging you love to him that day. That is all that really matters. I do understand your worries though! So keep things quiet for till after her wedding!

[RadishWife]

Hold your head up and be the better person. Wow 18 is very young, I would not worry at all what she thinks.

[Winter_Bride]

You've already gotten great advice. All I have left to offer is this

:hug:

It SUCKS that she wants to copy you and is doing this to spite you, but as you said yourself, she's immature and childish. And really, if her parents (and it sounds like your FMIL) dissaprove so much, is it actually going to happen? And even if it is, will it really be compared to yours in such a way that YOU come out looking bad?

Just some food for thought...

[Jaime]

I hate to say this, but it doesn't sound like it is very likely that she will even be getting married. I mean, if they don't work and her parents are against it, they probably wont be able to afford it. She is really young to be getting married- no offense to the young brides around here, but you have to admit that the girl sounds too immature to be getting married at 18.

Anyhow, don't let it bother you. Your wedding is first, right? Besides, you are pretty much stuck with her if she is the Mother of your soon to be niece or nephew, so just smile and make nice. Don't give her the satisfaction of letting you know it bothers you.

[jenn2350]

Thank you all and I do agree that she is too immature and young to be getting married. I have never talked to her before nor do I have any desire after the s**t she is trying to start. I do not believe that they know each other at all, and I do not believe you should get married just because it's the "right thing to do" if you get pregnant. She always has to be the center of attention according to her mother (which who's fault is that??..MOM??).
I know the only reason her and FBIL are even talking about getting married is because they are not allowed to see each other. It is a VERY screwed up situation and I am just glad FH and I have a strong foundation and have been together for long enough to know each other very well. I am not going to let it bother me because truthfully I do not think it will last and if it does, they will only have enough money to go to the JP.
Her parents are very wealthy and I doubt they will let their first daughter get married just anywhere. In all reality I think it would be best for everyone if it doesn't work out (is that horrible?) because she seems like she would be down right nasty in a divorce...
Most of all I just want to be able to enjoy my new neice, but with him not wanting a blood test I don't want to get all attached if she's not even his and have her disappear. I know within my heart that it's not his and I think he does too that's why he doesn't want a test....

Sweetiez: She is pretty much just wanting to get married before we do so I'm assuming after the first of the year sometime. Actually our date was originally 9/22/07, but once we got to the place to book it, the lady screwed up and that date was actually booked when she had told me it wasn't :( so we just moved it up a week.

[MostlyMel]

I'm 19 and getting married :hide: ...but that's besides the point. FH and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and have a very strong background and even though we do have a child, I agree that that is NOT a good reason to get married. Like I've said before, it sounds like this girl has no idea what she's doing. She is very immature and I hope for everyone's sake that she does not go through with this wedding. First of all it's not fair to you that she's doing this just to have the attention on herself and take away from your special day. But more importantly it's not fair to FBIL and the baby because it would be so sad for things get worse after the wedding and then having it end up in divorce. Well, I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I'll be praying for all of you involved in this situation.

[jenn2350]

Thank you such pretty words and I hope I didn't offend you, but not everyone is immature at 18, and I'm only 22 so I don't have much room to speak. I started dating FH when I was 18, and moved in together when I was 19 and most people said we wouldn't make it that long. I have a sister who is 18 and to see our 2 personalities you would think we are 10 years apart not 4. She is very immature and doesn't know the first thing about a relationship. This girl seems to be the same way. I appreciate all of your advice and I know that only time will tell, but just to keep my eye on the prize and it will all work out for the best.

[Hughto]

Even if this wedding DOES happen and she Does have it at the same venue, you have nothing to worry about. As mentioned, the amount of time that will have passed from her wedding to yours will be enough to make it fade from most peoples memories. Plus, half of your guest list won't even be at her wedding. And since neither she of your FBIL have jobs and the family won't be helping out, how do you think her wedding will compare to yours anyway? She may not be able to make the deposit on the place.

We all have someone who wants to do something to make our special day not as special, but thankfully, the stuff she is trying to pull really isn't going to affect you in the big picture. Just forget about it and keep the rest of your details top secret from her!

[Flying_V_Goddess]

Too young to get married? Not nessicarly. Too immature to take on the responsibilities of marriage? Without a doubt.

My Grandma (aka. "evil Grandma")...likes to take over stuff and run things her way. Like she "always right"and no one else's opinion matters. She loves to be the center of attention and throws a hissy fit if something doesn't go her way. Its totally immature, controlling, and it gets in people's nerves. So I kind of know how you feel since someone is butting in on your special day...I'm worried that if my grandma finds out anything she'll butt in on my plans and ruin everything (I'm screwed if that happens since I don't have the courage to stand up to her).

Take the advice I got with dealing my Grandma: "Don't let her know ANYTHING about your wedding plans". I have to follow this advice so my grandma doesn't find out my plans, be judgemental about it, and try to change it. In your case, it would help since this girl wouldn't be able to copy your big day.

[MostlyMel]

No you didn't offend me at all. I know it has a lot more to do with maturity than it does with age, and they usually just happen to go together (which is obvious in the example of this girl). I really wish you the best with everything and let us know how things progress.

[Jaime]

I'm 19 and getting married :hide: ...but that's besides the point. FH and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and have a very strong background and even though we do have a child, I agree that that is NOT a good reason to get married. Like I've said before, it sounds like this girl has no idea what she's doing. She is very immature and I hope for everyone's sake that she does not go through with this wedding. First of all it's not fair to you that she's doing this just to have the attention on herself and take away from your special day. But more importantly it's not fair to FBIL and the baby because it would be so sad for things get worse after the wedding and then having it end up in divorce. Well, I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I'll be praying for all of you involved in this situation.


No no no, I wasn't talking about you. You are obviously very mature and capable of making this choice. This girl that OP is talking about sounds so childish. Big difference.

[sweetiez]

i do agree i dint know she was 18 but she does sound very immature. i'll be married when im 21. So im pretty young also. but i agree it depends on how mature people are not the age. Anyways. personally i doubt she would be able to go through this wedding to be honest. espically she has no money. maybe her parents do.but what? is she gunna rely on her parents the whole time? for the rest of her life? hmm... im wishing you the best :) do you happen to have a planning journal? Anything im glad to hear your not too WORRIED. And this kid MIGHT not be his? My lord.. if i were hem i'd do a test ASAP!

[*Ashley*]

Age is a number in my opinion in a lot of instances. One of my very best friends was 21 when she married and her husband is 13 years older than she is. She could have married at 18, she has always been much wiser than her years and much more mature. She's a wonderful person as well, and very driven. She graduated from college after they married and they're expecting their first child together (her step daughter is 12, she just turned 26) in January -- she's also been ready for that for a while :)

I'm sorry for what you're going through. At least though you KNOW she's just a spiteful person and ultimately it's her problem, not yours. Your wedding will be beautiful and you know the two of you really love eachother and people support your marriage. I wouldn't worry, but I'd be pissed too. My sister is 10 years old than me and you would think she was younger, it's all relative.

[stephjhudson]

I know people a LOT older than 18 or 19 that should not be getting married. Its not really age, it is maturity, and she clearly doesnt have any. IF the wedding even happens, it will completely lack class, and your wedding will be all class and elegance...
remember that!