Tactful Way to Handle This Situation?

[Aramelle]

So, something has recently come to my mind that I need to figure out a way to deal with, but I am at a complete loss for how to go about it without hurting anyone's feelings. I apologize if this comes across sounding rude, as that's not what my intentions are. I just really need some input on what to do, please.

Our renewal ceremony will be held outdoors, and seating for the ceremony is plastic, white folding chairs that will be set up on the grass. One of our guests is extremely obese. To be honest, I'm not even sure whether the folding chair would be able to hold up under her weight. Even if it did, though, I'm almost certain that we would run into an issue of the legs of the chair sinking into the grass. DH and I discussed the idea of bringing out one of the banquet chairs for her to use, but I don't know how that would work out the problem of sinking into the grass. Also, I'm really not seeing any tactful way for us to point out the other style chair and let her know that it's reserved for her.

Ladies, please give me your advice on how to gracefully handle this situation. I don't want to come across as rude and offend a guest, but I also don't want to put her in a situation that could potentially be quite embarrassing.

[Jade]

Will you have any guests standing? The might solve the problem for her, no doubt she'd chose to stand if that was the choice. But if its all seated, that is tricky. Do you think you could talk to her about it? Are you close?

[lizaanne]

If she is that large, standing is probably not something she is able to do for very long, it is quite taxing on the heart for extremely obese people to stand.

I have a lovely white resin park bench that I have in my front entry way. Perhaps if you have some park bench type seating, more than one so it doesn't look like it's just for her, it might make her more comfortable. Start looking for them in the spring, I bought mine at a Dollar General store and it was only $12. Or if family members have some pretty park benches they could allow you to borrow, that might be a solution as well.

I agree - you don't want her to be singled out, but you don't want her to be uncomfortable or embarrassed either.

Very sweet of you to even consider her needs.

~Liza

[Krissy]

I was going to suggest a bench as well. Maybe get a few and put them around so she doesn't feel singled out. Then just make sure that an usher/groomsmen seats her at a bench.

[lalalola]

i would probably do a bench as well........that is a very touchy subject but honestly, i don't think there is any way that u could handle it easily

[*alissa*]

I agree about finding a few benches. As far as the sinking goes.....under the legs of the BENCHES only you could put some type of board, and possably cover the boarding with some fake flowers or something. I was thinking just two boards that could go under both legs on each side, that way, the pressure would be distributed along the board and it wont sink. I am sure by maybe spray painting the boards green to blend with the grass, and attaching some sort of fake flowers to them, they wont be noticable.

[Aramelle]

Unfortuntely, Liza is right that standing would not be an option. Also, we're really not close enough that I could address the concern with her. She is the spouse of one of the guys in our WP. We hang out with them from time to time, and I do think she's a sweetheart. But I certainly wouldn't call us friends, we're just don't know each other that well.

Hmmm...the benches are a good idea. I will have to talk to DH about that and look around to see what we can find. Thanks for the suggestion.

[Jaime]

I suppose I fall in to said "extremely obese" catagory and I stand up for 8 + hours a day. No one eve told me it was bad for my heart.

[MsJessica07]

Some who are extremely obese, however, cannot do so, and I believe Aramelle said that this particular person cannot do so, but that's not to say that everyone that falls into that category can't.

[Rosebud]

The bench with the board (wtg alissa) is a great ideaI like Krissy's suggestion to have more than one bench so that she doesn't feel singled out. I would hope, though, that other guests wouldn't occupy all the benches before your guest's arrival. Maybe have her hubby usher her to her bench while the other guests are arriving?

[Poloke]

In casual discussion with them I would bring up the ceremony site and say...

We are having plastic lawn chairs and garden park benches to accomodate our guests...but its first come, first seated in what they desire so it would be best to show up early for the best seats:)"

this way you can kindly give the word without it being rude or just totally singling her out.

I know that I am in that catergory too, and I know that I would not want to stand for a long ceremony. Jaime, you're a trooper cuz 8 hours on my feet- yes i can do it but i pay severely for it the next day. IF its straight 8 standing...yes. If i get breaks to sit during the 8, then I'm fine but i gotta keep moving or i hurt.

Jaime, it made perfect sense what you said. Krissy had the best idea about the benches. I don't think they need to be decorated...i don't think they will sink in the ground.

[Slugsmama]

The only thing I want to add is , if you do the bench thing , get more than ONE ... I would be really embarassed if I were the only one seated on a bench. But other than that it sounds like a good idea, maybe just have some benches around the outside of the other seating , it could be cute ... And if theres any other wives/girlfriends of the BP seat them at the benches too?

[Jaime]

I guess it depends on how long she has to stand. For me, I would rather stand than even try those small chairs... I don't know about the benches, if she is the only one on a bench she is going to be embarassed, I know I would be. I don't know, I like Paula's idea, I would just flat out ask her. I am always relieved when the waitress asks if we want a booth or a table, that way I can decide without being embarassed later.

[Jaime]

I asked several of my 350+ lb friends and most said they would be fine with a bench as long as there were other benches so they did not feel singled out. One said she would rather stand in pain though. Hope that helps.

[Jaci]

How about forget the chairs and go for strawbales? What? You mean that won't go with your theme? :heee:

Jaime's advice is probably the best. I think I'd rather someone bring it up to me, in that situation, than have to get there to find I'd have to sit in one bench by myself, or something.

[Aramelle]

Ladies, thank you for your input on this so far. I'm still really torn on what to do. As I stated before, I really don't have the type of relationship with her where I can envision asking her without it being completely uncomfortable. I don't know, maybe DH and I can try to come up with a way to mention it to her husband (DH's friend)...?

I know that everyone's situations are different, regarding what they can and can't do, but in this particular situation I know that standing is not an option. She has to pull a chair up to the sink when doing dishes because she can't stand that long. So, standing for the ceremony just won't work.

DH and I have talked about it, and I do think that the bench thing may be the best way to go. Right now, I'm trying to find some wiggle-room in our budget to accommodate for that, though. I absolutely would make sure to have them scattered throughout so that she, hopefully, wouldn't feel singled out. We would then just discreetly let our ushers know to be sure she is seated at a bench.

[stephjhudson]

or maybe instead of scattering them about, have a couple "rows" of them, or maybe have them around the back or front row (first unreserved row) or maybe on the end of each row...
hmm, anyways, the benches sound like good ideas...maybe you rent them? check it out, if you can rent chair covers, im sure you cant rent benches...

also, the idea to seat all the wives/significant others of the wedding party together is a nice idea too.