Mother limiting bridesmaids

[dolface546]

My bridal party is turning into WWIII!

My maids of Honor are my sisters, that is set in stone b/c I refuse to choose between them.

Orginally my mother had suggested that I not have any more bridesmaids. I finally talked her up to 1. I would like 3 (in addition to my sisters of course!).
My mother said that she doesn't want our wedding to be about the number in the bridal party but a simple affair. I'm trying to convince her that each of the people that I want are very important to me.

Is 5 bridesmaids (including my sisters) too much? My mother is the one paying for the wedding, but she wouldn't have to spend any extra for the bridesmaids!

Also, another perk: If I have the 5 then my FH can have his brothers, as of now his best friends and dad are the groomsmen.

[Allyson]

I understand that your mother is paying for the wedding, so that obviously gives her say in the situation, but I really don't see why she is trying to control the number of people in your wedding party. Having 5 bridesmaids is not a big number at all. If anything, I'd say it's pretty average, definitely not too many though! Choosing your bridesmaids is meant to honor the very special important friends/family members in your life that you want to play a role in your wedding day. I'm sorry your mom is giving you such a hard time about it, but when it comes down to it, I think that the ultimate decision on this one is up to you. I hope that your mom can see your side and allow you to have the bridal party that you want!

[*alissa*]

Well...there is the extra maid bouquets and bouts for more attendants. Plus, depending on whether SHE is paying for attedant gifts or you are....

If the money is really not an issue though...than I don't think 5 maids and 5 groomsman is too many. I had my MaOH, Jr. BM, and two flower girls, and DH had his BM, a JR groomsman, and then the ring bearer.

[Andrea]

What type of wedding are you having...like formal informal :dunno:
Honestly it is YOUR wedding and in the end you will make the decision, but they suggest for every 50 guests, you have one attendant :)

[Deidre98]

We are only having 150 guests approximately and we have 5 attendants each. Now FMIL wants us to add 2 more (her niece and nephew) but with the size of our church we can't do it. Have the people you want in there but just remember, with a bigger bridal party comes more people's opinions and you may have more drama ( I talk from experience :lol:)

[Mandy]

I had 5 maids (2 of which were MOHs) and DH had his 5. Our entire wedding cost under 6 thousand. It's possible.

Your mother shouldn't be limiting the amount of people you're having in your BP. That's not her call. I understand that she's paying, but is it worth it to sacrifice what you and FH want? I don't know about you, but we pushed our wedding back for that exact reason. We wanted more time to save up and do things our way. I'm glad we did!

If you assume the costs of the extra bouquets and bouts and decide if you're going to do attendant gifts, then I say go for it. Usually the parents don't pay for those anyway. You could even skip the ideas of bouquets all together and go with a single calla lilly or something like that.

Good luck!!

[Kari]

:yeah:

[MemphisMom]

Your mother should not be making that decision, it is your's to make.
Wedding attendants hold a place of honor and choosing them should be up to the bride and groom.

As far as the financial aspect, it should not be a factor and your mother should not be using the "I'm paying" card in this issue. Your choice of attendants is more important than the size of their bouquet or the amount spent on their gifts. If they are paying for their own attire, $$ should not be a factor that you can't make adjustments to cover.

In this part of the country, large wedding parties are the norm and they are beautiful, you should choose the number that you want, period. Hope this all works out for you, let us know.

[Winter_Bride]

I think there's something being miscommunicated here somewhere. Have you asked your mom EXACTLY why she doesn't want a large wedding party? Is her concern actually financial? If it is, you could ask for a flower budget and work with that (maybe the BMs bouquets are DIY, or maybe yours is smaller? Or the single cala lily as Mandy mentioned)

Maybe her concern is the tone set for the wedding - generally, TRADITIONALLY, larger weddings have larger wedding parties, and maybe she's concerned that you want a very formal, elegant affair that she'll have to foot the bill for.

I don't think you're being unreasonable with wanting your friends up there with you on your special day. I would sit down and talk to you mom and ask her what her concerns are in regards to your wedding party. If it's $, you've gotten suggestions, and maybe you can foot the bill for extra expenses in that area (gifts, flowers). If it's other, then you need to explain to your mom your vision for your wedding!

Either way, while it's WONDERFUL of your mom to be paying for your wedding, this should not be something that she alone decides!

[Poloke]

Its your wedding, you should be allowed to have as many or as few maids as you wish. If the money is an issue with your mother, offer to pay for whatever extra costs the extra maids would incur. Maybe mom thinks that weddings should be a certain way, but these days just about anything is acceptable...it's usually up to the bride and groom.

[Renny]

I think there's something being miscommunicated here somewhere. Have you asked your mom EXACTLY why she doesn't want a large wedding party? Is her concern actually financial? If it is, you could ask for a flower budget and work with that (maybe the BMs bouquets are DIY, or maybe yours is smaller? Or the single cala lily as Mandy mentioned)

Maybe her concern is the tone set for the wedding - generally, TRADITIONALLY, larger weddings have larger wedding parties, and maybe she's concerned that you want a very formal, elegant affair that she'll have to foot the bill for.

I don't think you're being unreasonable with wanting your friends up there with you on your special day. I would sit down and talk to you mom and ask her what her concerns are in regards to your wedding party. If it's $, you've gotten suggestions, and maybe you can foot the bill for extra expenses in that area (gifts, flowers). If it's other, then you need to explain to your mom your vision for your wedding!

Either way, while it's WONDERFUL of your mom to be paying for your wedding, this should not be something that she alone decides!

:agree: I totally agree

[dolface546]

Thanks for all of your responses! I do think that part of it for her is to keep it simple, her wedding was bare bones and I think she is afraid I'm trying to make this into a show (which I'm not!).
Thanks guys!

[Theresa]

I think you need to talk to your mom about why you want the bridesmaids that you want. Having people in your bridal party is about having the people who are important to you in life standing up with you when you get married, not about show. 5 bridesmaids is in no way over the top or showy - I have a few friends who have gotten married recently and they've all had over 10 bridesmaids (one had 17 - why you'd want 17 bridesmaids is BEYOND me but anyways). If she's saying she's worried about it being too showy, then it sounds to me like she's not getting why you want those extra bridesmaids...

[jillian]

Maybe your mom is trying to save you from the aggrevation of having a large wedding party. (Sorry my own aggrevation is coming through)

Actually I agree with what Theresa said. Talk to your mom about why you choose the bridesmaids that you want.