Engagement party gift when you are a BM

[Kristy]

OK here is the situation. My (male) cousin is getting married. His fiancee asked me to be in the wedding, though I had met her like 4 times in 2 years. Anyway I am now a BM. I was the only BM who went dress shopping at her request. We are not great friends but we're getting to know each other. She pretty much wants me to be somewhat of a planner for her.

They are having a black tie engagement party in March. I don't know where it is yet. What am I supposed to bring them as a gift?

I should also mention that until my wedding (7/05), I had not seen my cousin in 13 or 14 years (family feud).

Also, I am trying to save money and not go overboard on everything I do now (New Year's goal) and that would include a gift for them.

I have never gone to an engagement party before so this will be my first one.

Any suggestions?

[jillian]

First I would decide on a $ amount you want to spend. You are in their wedding and helping plan somewhat so I don't think you need to go higher than $50. Then think about something you would have liked as an engagement gift.

[MemphisMom]

Check with friends who live in your area. Engagement parties are "no gift" events here. It is not on the invitation because it is assumed that no one would bring a gift to an evgagement party.

Gifts are given at the showers and then a wedding gift.

If you are sure that it is a gift giving event, keep it in the price range that you can afford. You are going to have a lot of other expenses being in the wedding party so I would not spend too much $$ on gifts that are going to sabotage your New Year's plans to save $$.

[Kristy]

That's the thing, nobody knows what to bring because we don't generally go to engagement parties here and nobody I know has ever attended one. I am not friends with anyone else in the BP (all of whom have significant higher salaries than me). I can see the BP spending a lot of money on the bride & groom and I don't want to seem cheap.

I only have to buy the dress (which was bought already, $103!!!) and shoes. She is paying for everything else and the MOH is throwing the shower.

[MemphisMom]

[QUOTE=Kristy;273375]That's the thing, nobody knows what to bring because we don't generally go to engagement parties here and nobody I know has ever attended one. I\\

Since you don't have a "norm' for an engagement party, I cannot imagine that there is an expectation of a gift. You are going to need to find someone to talk to and find out if this is considered more of a "shower" or just a congratulatory party.

Now, having said that (and not being able to answer your ? anyway) I will say that what I read in your comments is that you are very concerned about doing the right thing but have financial limitations. I think being asked to be in a wedding party is an honor that should not have expectations of an expensive gift/s that makes participating a burden.

You should NOT buy a gift that you cannot afford regardless of what others are doing. Everyone has their own personal situations and we cannot compare gifts, incomes etc. and be able to enjoy being part of a wedding as a member of the bridal party or just as a guest.

Do what you feel comfortable with and enjoy yourself!

[Ashlee]

I have no idea, but if you wanna give me engagement gift ideas for my SILs I'd appreciate it

:hehe:

:hiya: Kristy!

[PurpleFlower]

maybe give them something they can use when planning the wedding. Or something like a two person massage. Something fun fun they can do togeather to release stress. You don't have to spend much if you don't want to!

[dolphincc]

Maybe a gift certificate for a date night item. Movie tickets, dinning, etc. Or maybe a gift basket of a game and snacks or movie rental certificate and snacks.

[MemphisMom]

I still think you need to find out if this is a "gift" event before you even consider what gift you might give.

A Black Tie engagement party sounds more like a cocktail party than a shower. When you get the invitation, you can just call the host and ask something like: "will they be opening gifts at the party?"

If it is a no gift event, she will tell you right away.

[Winter_Bride]

I still think you need to find out if this is a "gift" event before you even consider what gift you might give.

A Black Tie engagement party sounds more like a cocktail party than a shower. When you get the invitation, you can just call the host and ask something like: "will they be opening gifts at the party?"

If it is a no gift event, she will tell you right away.

I totally agree with this statement. What about your aunt or uncle? If you're uncomfortable phoning the MOH about it, then why not ask your own family what the expectation is?

We don't do engagement parties here either! Or if we do, they're little get togethers just to celebrate the engagement and upcoming wedding - no gifts are given.