Things Guests complain about

[*Ashley*]

Found this on The Knot, thought it was interesting.


Guests: The Great Gripefest Where Guests Tell All
Honest guests reveal the best and worst about weddings -- you'll want to take note.

Think you're planning the perfect party? Not so fast. We know what guests really think about cash bars, waiting for the bridal party to arrive, late-night drinking, and seating arrangements. To spare your friends and family the kinds of things that make guests grit their teeth, some veteran wedding-goers graciously agreed to tell us what you need to know to make your wedding rave-worthy.

Receiving Line Traffic Jams
"I hate long receiving lines. I once went to a wedding with over 300 guests and I sat in the last row of the church. Therefore, I was also the last row to leave the church. I had to wait for more than an hour to get to the receiving line and to exit the church."
--Heidi, 25, Blacksburg, VA

"I dread those receiving lines with about ten people in them, including the entire wedding party. I suppose it's great for the very few guests who know the bride and groom's families and all of their wedding party pals. But most of us just want to congratulate the couple and their parents. Unfortunately, you always get stuck making chitchat with a stranger in a bridesmaid dress who doesn't particularly care who you are, either, while the people in front of you hug the bride."
--Margaret, 42, Sarasota, FL



We're Not Going to Maui Tomorrow
"My wife and I recently went to a wedding on a Sunday evening, and we had to be at work the next day. The ceremony was at 5 p.m., the reception wasn't until about 6:30, and dinner wasn't even served until 8. The meal was finished around 9:30, and most of the guests were not from the area where the wedding took place. We left before the reception was over, and still didn't make it home until midnight."
--John, 35, New York, NY



Shall We See a Movie?
"I don't like long pauses between the ceremony and reception, as it is terribly inconvenient for out-of-town guests."
--Jocelyn, 27, Austin, TX

"If your ceremony ends at 5 p.m. and the reception starts at 6 p.m., you can assume that guests will be heading for the reception hall immediately following, so maybe it's best to book the location from 5:30 on. It's so awful to feel like an eager beaver and just be waiting in the reception hall lobby until the party officially 'begins.'"
--Amy, 25, Middletown, CT



A Little Mystery Never Hurt
"One thing I didn't like was seeing the bride before the ceremony. It was totally anticlimactic when she came down the aisle."
--Sarah, 24, Brooklyn, NY

"I hate when people decorate the pews and altar in their church after guests are already seated. I have been to two weddings where I watched the attendants or friends attach flowers and bows to the pews and set up candles at the altar while all the seated guests watched. It looked so disorganized and informal."
--Danine, 46, Miami, FL

"I hate it when the bride and her dad or the bride and groom stop halfway down the aisle for a photo op."
--Frank, 31, Ann Arbor, MI



Nowhere to Run
"I don't like it when there is no place to sit during the cocktail hour. My family tends to eat a lot of hors d'oeuvres, and they need a place to set down plates, drinks, cameras, purses and gift envelopes.

Also, I went solo to a friend's casual wedding in Atlanta, where I didn't know anyone but the groom. Since there were no table assignments, I had literally nowhere to sit. All the seats were in use or were 'reserved' with jackets and bags."
--Domenica, 27, Kinnelon, NJ



Am I a Cheap Date?
"Guests should never be expected to pay for drinks. You would never host any other private party and expect your guests to pay for their own alcohol."
--Elizabeth, 25, Frederick, MD

"I hate cash bars. It's like sending your wedding present COD."
--Susan, 28, New Fairfield, CT

"I'm sorry, but limited bars are generally a bummer. Ditto for wine drawn from a tap."
--Liza, 25, Cincinnati, OH



We Like to Party, But...
"My brother-in-law was so drunk when he gave his best-man speech that he started an argument with his younger brother, yelling obscenities over the microphone in front of the entire reception, including my extremely conservative family. My advice is to get the speeches over with early, or ask those giving speeches to refrain from drinking until they have spoken."
--Susan, 29, Charlottesville, VA

"I went to a wedding with my boyfriend and I didn't know his family very well. I knew they liked to party, and so do I, but I was really shocked at this reception. They held it at a nice country club, but people were dancing on the tables, they were so drunk. They should have closed the bar. I can't imagine how those people got home."
--Michelle, 36, Raleigh, NC



Don't Strand My Man
"The worst is when you're in the wedding party and your date doesn't know anyone at the wedding, and has to sit at a different table than you."
--Jennifer, 28, Chicago, IL

"My husband was the best man in a wedding, and I was seated at the opposite end of the room while he was with the wedding party. It felt really strange and awkward."
--Julie, 34, Los Angeles, CA



The Not-So-Great Smoke Out
"I went to a wedding recently, where, after dinner, the waiters passed out cigars. About one quarter of the guests took them, and within fifteen minutes the place was filled with smoke. It was disgusting, and I left."
--Andrew, 46, Los Angeles, CA



Okay, Break it Up
"Cake-smashing, by far, is so replete with subliminal messages that I'd so rather not bear witness to during a wedding that I think it best be banned. This ritual is uncomfortable to watch, totally passive-aggressive, and not at all the zany, jocular show the couple thinks it is."
--Amy, 25, Middletown, CT

"The whole cake-smashing-in-the-face event makes me wonder if the couple is just getting out their aggressions from all those pre-wedding quarrels."
--David, 51, Atlanta, GA



The Most Dreaded Dance
"All cheesy music, including interactive songs like the Macarena and the Electric Slide, should be banned. Grandma and Grandpa should be spared the humiliation of having to dance to these musical abominations."
--Elizabeth, 25, Frederick, MD

"I hate that dorky Chicken Dance. It's not a nice thing to put your guests through. I have never heard someone say that they liked everything about a wedding but missed doing the Chicken Dance; but I have heard people speak with dread about the impending possibility of being subjected to this 'tradition' at some point in the night."
--Laura, 30, New York, NY



Who's Running This Show, Anyway?
"I went to a wedding where we guests were given birdseed when we left the church to toss at the bride and groom when they made their grand exit. The trouble was, the couple spent 30 minutes in the church having their pictures taken, and we were all standing around in the hot sun holding fistfuls of birdseed. Once the ceremony starts, I don't think the photographer should stop the action for more than a few minutes for the rest of the day."
--Ben, 36, Syracuse, NY



The Good News
"I really like it when a wedding is unique and doesn't follow a 'How To' manual. It leaves me feeling like I really experienced something, and will walk away with a memory."
--Vikki, 30, Greensburg, PA

"I love being asked to take part in making a special guest book. I went to one wedding for which we were each mailed a page to write in and decorate however we wished, and then to bring to the wedding to be put in a book for the couple."
--Jessica, 38, Seattle, WA

"The best weddings are the ones that make me cry during the ceremony. If I cry, I know I have been touched by the couple, and after that I am just really happy to be there sharing the whole event."
--Lisa, 33, Philadelphia, PA

"I absolutely love the day-after-the-wedding brunch tradition. Nothing fancy is necessary, just a chance to see the happy couple and wish them well without all the fanfare of the wedding day."
--Beth, 52, Chicago, IL

"I love when the couple welcomes children to the wedding. It's the biggest family-oriented event of your life, and the kids of close family and friends should be there. It makes for a happier occasion."
--Susan, 31, New Fairfield, CT

"Nothing makes a wedding better than a bride and a groom who are smiling and clearly enjoying themselves. It's completely contagious."
--Mark, 51, Reading, PA

[Sk8ermaiden]

I read that when I first started planning, and really took it to heart. The ones I read in EVERY survey, were that guests hate receiving lines and a long wait between ceremony and reception - so we eliminated those right off.

[Maria 05]

I think the long gap in the middle of the wedding is very inconvient and we didnt have a recieving line either they are big no nos for me
as for dance music I would mix in things like the Macarena with other stuff we had the macarena and everyone including the priest was dancing to it.

[Winter_Bride]

We unfortunately didn't have an option but to have a longer wait time between our ceremony and reception (3 hours - the LATEST ceremony time we could have was 1pm, and the reception location (an indoor garden) closed to the public at 5pm) Luckily we had family host events for the OOT guests! Our recieving line was just the couple, and our parents. I hate lines that have the whole WP because what do you say to them?? "Congratulations - you sure did do a good job holding those flowers!"

I do agree with everything on that list!

[Deidre98]

We are going to do a receiving line but it will only have our parents and us in it for the same reasons as everyone else has stated. Who really needs the BP in the line? We aren't doing a cash bar, so to speak, but my parents are only paying for beer, wine, champagne and sodas. Anything harder than that, the guest will have to buy it from the bar. And I know we aren't doing the stupid dances because both FH and I can't stand them. In fact, at my MaOH's wedding, we both walked outside so we didn't have to endure it.

[Tanyak]

I know this list has been out for a while, but this chickie and her comment always seem to bother me.

"I'm sorry, but limited bars are generally a bummer."
--Liza, 25, Cincinnati, OH

I'm sorry that your experience as a guest on someone's special day was a "bummer" because you didn't get a Sex on the Beach. :rolleyes:

And as far as Grandma doing the Electric Slide? Maybe it's a cultural thing because folks of all ages were sliding at my wedding. :)

But I can agree with a lot of the rest.

[Mandy]

It's hard because someone always has something to complain about. Things can't go perfectly, ya know?

The thing we heard the most complaints about was the music. Luckily our DJ was accomidating, but apparently our music doesn't suit everyone else's taste!

[Sk8ermaiden]

I don't get the complaints about the "lame" songs either. I understand that the Macerena and the Electric Slide aren't exactly hip, but at any function I've been to, they've been the only songs that can get everyone from 5 years old to 85 onto the dance floor. Sometimes people enjoy being silly.

For that reason, we're having the silly dances anyway. It's not like we're gong to harangue people to dance to them if they don't want to!

[Kari]

I guess I got it just right! lMost of the things people complain about, we didn't do and we did most of the things people liked.

*pats self on the back* :heee:

[Sk8ermaiden]

I'm sorry that your experience as a guest on someone's special day was a "bummer" because you didn't get a Sex on the Beach. :rolleyes:

You know, I personally don't agree with cash bars, but I don't understand how people complain about limited or no bars. Unless they want to pony up the cash for the couple to have a full, open bar, then they need to shut it! (Assuming, of course, that the couple is not omitting alcohol for a more personal reason.) Makes you wonder if they only came for the booze.

[MsJessica07]

Most of those made sense to me except for the comments about the lame dances and the limited bars.

We're having a limited bar because we're not millionaires. The occasion isn't just a great party, it's a reception for a wedding.

And the goofy dances are practically the only things that make me comfortable enough to dance when I'm at a usual party, and I'll stay on the floor afterwards. I'm not going for hip, I'm going for "fun" & "celebration".

It's still an interesting list though.

[Mandy]

ITA Kellie. I never knew how much it would cost before we started planning, and sometimes that bar is just astronomical!! Luckily, we had a place where we were able to provide our own alcohol, but man. People need to respect the wishes (and wallets) of the couple getting married. I would hope these people wouldn't go into someone's home and say "Spaghetti?! Where's the Filet Mignon?!"

[Tanyak]

People need to respect the wishes (and wallets) of the couple getting married. I would hope these people wouldn't go into someone's home and say "Spaghetti?! Where's the Filet Mignon?!"


Agreed. From that one comment, "Liza" comes off as spoiled and bitchy. At least she does to me.

[Winter_Bride]

People need to respect the wishes (and wallets) of the couple getting married. I would hope these people wouldn't go into someone's home and say "Spaghetti?! Where's the Filet Mignon?!"

Amen! I do think that food at receptions should be good, but good DOES NOT eqaul expensive!

And as for alcohol, I don't drink that much, neither does DH. If we want to go out and have a good time with alcohol, we'll go to a bar. If we're at a wedding and there's some wine for toasting, that's great! But I would never complain about a cash bar, or even a limited bar!

[Jaime]

I broke a lot of rules I guess, because we did not have dancing or alcohol in general... our reception was outside and there was a law against serving alcohol, I believe the park ranger told us that he would write us a fine during our toast if we used champagne :laugh3: We didn't dance because, well, DH and I don't dance.. :shuffle:

I had a blast at my wedding though, and if no one else did, well, they don't have to come to Bryan Jrs wedding then :hehe:

[Poloke]

I won't even start on what ppl are already complaining about for my wedding...


My biggest complaint is the long pauses between ceremony and reception. True, sometimes you can't help it, but when and if it can be avoided its nice when things just smoothly progress from one to the other.

[carolinalady67]

Oh, my family can just suck it up and deal with it! Okay, that was very bridezilla of me :kimgrill:

I'm not a dancer and have never felt pressured to dance at a wedding, so I don't get the big deal, if you don't like the song then don't dance to it. Join the rest of us wall flowers :flower2:

[*Diane*]

I really liked this, Ashley, especially this part

I love being asked to take part in making a special guest book. I went to one wedding for which we were each mailed a page to write in and decorate however we wished, and then to bring to the wedding to be put in a book for the couple."
--Jessica, 38, Seattle, WA

For a smaller wedding, that is such a cute idea!

[Winter_Bride]

That's an amazing idea!!

Don't get me wrong, while I don't agree with some things guests had to say (especially about the limited bar/cash bars, etc) I think it's a great thing to remember when the time comes!! While I know we all are concerned about guests' comfort, we sometimes get so caught up that we forget things that we liked/disliked about other weddings we've been to!

[laurak83]

I think there is a difference between cash bar and limited bar. Cash bar is saying we wanted to have this at our party, we just weren't willing to pay for it. Limited bar is providing for your guests (even if it's not every choice they'd ever want). If you have to choose cash bar, just don't have alchohol. Sort of like if you couldn't have filet mignon, you wouldn't make your guests pay for it or eat nothing... you'd serve spaghetti.

Anyway we didn't have to decide because our reception doesn't allow hard alchohol. It makes me a little sad because I can't pretty signature drinks, but it saves our budget a little.

[jillian]

The only thing we're doing on that list is a cash bar, but I doubt we'll hear complaints since every wedding we've been to has been cash bar. Besides that both our families are filled with big drinkers. There's no way we could afford that. And the biggest reason I like cash bars is because it keeps drinking in check. When I don't have to pay for my drinks I tend to drink faster and get wasted. I rather my guests not get wasted.

[*Ashley*]

Really? You read it that long ago?

My knot updates suck, haha. Maybe because they always go to my bulk in Yahoo!

We're not doing the receiving line...we can't. We're also having a gap of like, 30 minutes or less between ceremony and reception because our reception site is like, a mile or less away from the church so it would be stupid of us.

We're having full open bar.

TanyaK, I see your point, but I actually know a LOT of people who feel that way (FH included). I don't go to weddings just for the alcohol and food, I go because I'm a girl and I like them. A lot of people only go for the food, alcohol and a$$ (wedding crashers anyone?). I can understand that lady's comment, but I personally think it's impractical to assume everyone can afford (not to mention that everyone will WANT) to host a full open bar for 4 hours. :dunno:

[angie]

Well, I have to agree with the complaint about goofy dances. They just make me go :rolleyes: . There's a few that don't bother me, but it's mostly just too cliched and too cheesy for my taste.

I also agree with this statement:

"lso, I went solo to a friend's casual wedding in Atlanta, where I didn't know anyone but the groom. Since there were no table assignments, I had literally nowhere to sit. All the seats were in use or were 'reserved' with jackets and bags."

I don't like no table assignments. I always somehow get stuck at the wrong table and if you don't know too many people there, it really sucks.

I also think head tables are so unfair to the S.O.s that get separated.

In fact, I think I agree with everything in that knot article except for the limited bar thing and perhaps the receiving line.

[Trinia]

Our bar is technically open but we are doing it in a cash bar way.. The money made from the bar is going towards a good cause (Not us) and I know the people who come to our wedding will and are willing to pay because it will be a known fact where the money is going and my family isn't cheap!

[Tanyak]

TanyaK, I see your point, but I actually know a LOT of people who feel that way (FH included). I don't go to weddings just for the alcohol and food, I go because I'm a girl and I like them. A lot of people only go for the food, alcohol and a$$ (wedding crashers anyone?). I can understand that lady's comment, but I personally think it's impractical to assume everyone can afford (not to mention that everyone will WANT) to host a full open bar for 4 hours. :dunno:

I'm sure there are lots of people who feel that way. I guess it's all in what you're used to. Open bars are not common in my circle at all, so I don't feel like I'm missing anything. I usually just drink beer anyway. And if I go to a wedding with no alcohol, I wouldn't care, either. I'm happy with punch, tea or Coke. :)

I'm probably making a bigger deal out of it than it needs to be, but it just smacks of ungratefulness. The spaghetti vs. filet mignon analogy was a good example.

[-->Kat<--]

I did go to a wedding (outdoor, in July) where we had to buy our own water during cocktail hour... now that I think was rediculous!

We had a limited bar (meaning we provided the beer/wine/soda/water). If I were throwing a party I would have some refreshments, but if theres something specific that you like, then you bring it. At least thats what I would do when going to someone elses party.... or make due with what you've got.

[dolphincc]

I don't get the complaints about the "lame" songs either. I understand that the Macerena and the Electric Slide aren't exactly hip, but at any function I've been to, they've been the only songs that can get everyone from 5 years old to 85 onto the dance floor. Sometimes people enjoy being silly.

For that reason, we're having the silly dances anyway. It's not like we're gong to harangue people to dance to them if they don't want to!

Our DJ played The Chicken Dance and the Hokey Pokey and the dance floor was packed. I don't remember seeing anyone sitting down when they we played and everyone had a blast.

[badluckbunny]

"My husband was the best man in a wedding, and I was seated at the opposite end of the room while he was with the wedding party. It felt really strange and awkward."
--Julie, 34, Los Angeles, CA

what? did this lady wanna sit with the bridal party? maybe she should've asked before the wedding if she could be the MOH? ::rollseyes::

marriage does not equal "i have to up your ass at every social event you go to." if you're not a social person, and you don't know anyone at a wedding, just send a nice present, folks. you won't have a good time if you go. ::takes her own advice::

[Sk8ermaiden]

Yeah, Ashley, that's been up for like 2 years! :lol: I think they just now put the link to it in the front page.

[MostlyMel]

I pretty much agree with everything in the OP, except the stuff about the silly dance. I had the chicken dance, the cha cha slide, and the electric slide and tons of people danced to them.

Just for the record, too, there are lots of wedding where the spouses or dates of the WP sit at the head table. It's just polite to let them if they won't know anyone else there. About the cash bar thing, I'm not really sure how I feel. Generally, I don't like them.. but I do think that limited bars are acceptable, because if the hosts simply can't afford alcohol, then at least they're providing something free for the guests.

[Deidre98]

I know when FH was in FSIL's wedding, it was weird because I couldn't sit with him. Instead I sat with his aunt and uncles and while they were super nice to me, it was just awkward. We decided to do a sweetheart table and then have the bridal party and their SO's split between 2 tables so they don't have to sit alone.

[Jaime]

Dudes, even though I had no dancing at mine, I am going to dance to every bad song played at Paula's wedding.. as long as she signs a contract stating that she will not post those pictures on here :hide:

[Raychel]

I agree with a lot on that list. Well except the whole bar/alcohol thing. I feel that tends to be totally regional and is pointless to argue about on the internet :lol:

I totally HATE receiving lines..especially the ones that consist of bride/groom, parents, and 15 BP members. Um no thanks.

And the long wait between ceremony & reception.

WORST.WEDDING. I ever had the displeasure to attend


...ceremony..huge ass receiving line...bride and groom took pics for about 45 minutes afterwards...which I was there b/c I was taking some pics for a photography class since they allowed me to...but there were tons of guests that were otherwise waiting...
THEN...they went to one location for dinner. Had a huge buffet style dinner that lasted a good amount of time. THEN bride and groom opened gifts while all guests sat there and watched.
Oh no, it gets better. Bride and groom THEN asked guest to go to a THIRD location for cake/dancing. (Seriously who does this crap?) So everyone went there where B&G proceeded to make everyone wait 1 hour on their arrival. Then they proceeded to have another head table...do toasts...cut cake, ect.

OMFG. I wanted to tear my brain out.

That is an example of everything you should never do.

[soulmates]

We're not having a recieving line and there is only a hour between the ceremony and reception.
On the alcohol thing: We're only having a mimosa punch adn champange toast. I couldn't see having a bar while serving breakfast food.

[lilacs]

Some of these complaints bother me

If the invitation specifies wedding at this time and reception at a later time, why are people complaining? They knew the plan before they RSVPd.

Also, if you hate the music/don't like to dance, fine. It's not your party.

And further - the spouse of a WP participant whining that she had to sit with strangers! Get a grip. Open yourself up to meeting new people. It's only for a short time. Are you that chained to the hip of your DH that you can't spend an hour or more apart? Just be gracious, if that is not asking too much.

Claire

[Sk8ermaiden]

And further - the spouse of a WP participant whining that she had to sit with strangers! Get a grip. Open yourself up to meeting new people. It's only for a short time. Are you that chained to the hip of your DH that you can't spend an hour or more apart? Just be gracious, if that is not asking too much.

Claire

I think it's horribly inconsiderate to seat the spouse of someone in the wedding party with other people. Especially if that person doesn't know the people they're sitting with. I'm sorry, but most people dread attending weddings by themselves. It is uncomfortable and akward to spend a meal with people you don't know. Heck, maybe you should split up all the couples attending your wedding and seat them on opposite sides of the room to forcibly "open them up to meeting new people" and make sure that they're not "chained to the hip" of each other.

I would have said "Just be gracious, if that is not asking too much" to the bride that thinks her day is more important than her guests comfort.

[Tanyak]

I think it's horribly inconsiderate to seat the spouse of someone in the wedding party with other people. Especially if that person doesn't know the people they're sitting with. I'm sorry, but most people dread attending weddings by themselves. It is uncomfortable and akward to spend a meal with people you don't know. Heck, maybe you should split up all the couples attending your wedding and seat them on opposite sides of the room to forcibly "open them up to meeting new people" and make sure that they're not "chained to the hip" of each other.

I would have said "Just be gracious, if that is not asking too much" to the bride that thinks her day is more important than her guests comfort.

I absolutely agree.

[Mandy]

We didn't do that at our wedding :hide:

[Sk8ermaiden]

I know it's common, and up to each individual couple. :dunno: And sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I just didn't think it was right for someone to judge people who are uncomfortable being surrounded by strangers.

[Mandy]

I agree Kellie. I just don't want people to get upset and offended if they didn't include SO's with the wedding party either, KWIM?

[Winter_Bride]

I think in those situations, you NEED to make sure the SO is taken care of!! Everyone (minus one) in our WP was with guest, so I made sure to talk to each member of my WP, show them the guest list, and see who their SO would know. For one it was highschool friends he hadn't seen in FOREVER, for another (FSIL) it was sitting her with my FILs. I think if you do have married/longterm committed people in your WP, you just need to take a little extra care to make sure they're with people they would be comfortable with!

[Mandy]

Exactly Erie! In our case, we got off easy since all our SO's and our BP had been best friends in college...so everyone knew one another.

[Sk8ermaiden]

I know exactly what you mean Mandy! And I think that the way you and Erie did things is the considerate way.

[Jaime]

I didn't have this problem, every single person in our WP was single :laugh3:

[jenn2350]

FH was best man in his friend's wedding in Oklahoma. I was asked to be the guestbook table attendant. FH was also invited to be in the "family" pictures after the ceremony (because they have been friends for so long). I had to wait in the lobby for 45 minutes because I was not "allowed" in the sanctuary.

We obviously took one car up there (we live in Texas) so by waiting for them to finish pictures I was left to ride with the bridal party as everyone else's vehicles were full. When we got to the reception everyone else was already seated and eating. The MOH told me to hurry up and find a seat because they were about to announce the wedding party and she didn't want me seen with them. I did not know anyone except the groom's family and their table was full.

The bride never said thank you to me for anything I did and also never even thought to save me a seat with the only people that I knew there. I do not have to be "up FH's ass all the time" nor would I have minded sitting elsewhere if I had been told ahead of time that is how it would be.

I don't like being around a group of 300 people that I have never seen and be expected to "make nice" and enjoy it. I'm not that outgoing and felt extremely uncomfortable.

I think the phrase "get a grip" or "just be gracious" is very rude and agree that the bride should have been told to be gracious and give extra consideration to those in committed relationships. I will do this at my wedding since I am the one INVITING people to celebrate with us and want them to enjoy themselves as this is how a wedding is supposed to be.

[Poloke]

Dudes, even though I had no dancing at mine, I am going to dance to every bad song played at Paula's wedding.. as long as she signs a contract stating that she will not post those pictures on here :hide:\


it took me a while to find this but there will be no-:no:- signing of a contract.
Posting all the crazy/silly pics is half the fun of having wedding pics taken!:hehe:

:woot::naughtydance::cabbagepatch::disco::partyeye s:

[Mandy]

Maybe I've just been to some far out weddings, but I've never seen the SO seated with their significant others...no matter where the wedding happened to be. :shrug: I never even thought about it to be honest. There were too many other things I was busy worrying about, that I didn't think at all about the BP SOs. It worked out well for us, but that was simply luck I guess!

[Jaime]

Maybe I've just been to some far out weddings, but I've never seen the SO seated with their significant others...no matter where the wedding happened to be. :shrug: I never even thought about it to be honest. There were too many other things I was busy worrying about, that I didn't think at all about the BP SOs. It worked out well for us, but that was simply luck I guess!

I sort of agree that the SO's don't really belong at the head table, however, in the case where the SO truly did not know anyone else, then it might make sense to skip the head table and have it just for the bride/groom and let the wedding party sit where they want. :shrug:

[Tanyak]

Maybe I've just been to some far out weddings, but I've never seen the SO seated with their significant others...no matter where the wedding happened to be. :shrug: I never even thought about it to be honest. There were too many other things I was busy worrying about, that I didn't think at all about the BP SOs. It worked out well for us, but that was simply luck I guess!


The funny thing is, I can't remember the last wedding I went to that had a head table. Since I've been an adult, all the ones I've been to have usually had a sweetheart table with the bridal party seated with their SOs and scattered among the other guests. I never considered doing it any other way.

[Trinia]

I've never been to a wedding that I can remember where they had the SO seated at the head table either.

[MemphisMom]

I really understand Jenn's feelings about being a SO and feeling uncomfortable not having anyone to sit with.

I have not seen a head table at a reception in years but would not want to leave a SO left out with no one to sit with, feeling awkward.

If you decide to have the BP at a head table sans spouses and SO's , I would be sure that they are seated together so they can at least feel somewhat comfortable.

It is very important to take into consideration how your guests will feel.

[jenn2350]

I'm not talking about being at the head table WITH my FH, but if there are other people that are there that the SO might know, it would be nice to have a spot reserved for them with that group so that table doesn't get full (like in my case).

With everything else the bride has to do it wouldn't take that much longer to either plan a sweetheart table and let people sit together, or if you have a head table try to accomodate the most comfortable situation for that person like seating them with people they might know.

Every person is different and being told to "get a grip" or "you don't have to be up FH's ass" are very ignorant comments and do not take into consideration the GENERAL feeling of most people in a large group of people they don't know.

[badluckbunny]

Every person is different and being told to "get a grip" or "you don't have to be up FH's ass" are very ignorant comments and do not take into consideration the GENERAL feeling of most people in a large group of people they don't know.

in your case, you were treated very poorly. you should have been given some place to sit.

i don't like to be around large groups of people i don't know either, but i would never even consider being sat at the bridal party's table as a spouse of someone in that party.

my response was in reference to the original post. it seems that the woman posting believed she was entitled to sit with the bridal party.

i still stand by my earlier post. if you are the type of person who needs to be around your SO all night to have a good time (even though your SO might be busy with bridal party obligations) you might want to reconsider going.

jenn2350 has pointed out that sometimes spouses can be overlooked. that's sad but true.

hey, if no one knows you from Adam, you're probably going to be sat at the reject table. =P my advice is to get up and socialize.

remember: inviting a spouse is an obligation, but that spouse is in no way obligated to go.

[Dmsangel]

I think it can all be avoided if there are seating cards. In my opinion, it's very high school to just have people sit wherever they want. Because there's always going to be someone who is too shy to pick a table with people at it, and there's always going to be people that don't include the shy ones.

**I'm not trying to be rude to anyone who did it this way, this is just my opinion**

[Nik]

I was a part of a BP where the B/G had SOs sit at the head table with the BP. It worked out very well (although it was a LONG table). For my own wedding there will be no head or sweethart tables. We'll sit with the Best Man/his wife, my sister (MOH) and her BF and another Groomsman and his GF. The other members of the BP will sit with other BP members and their SOs.

[Sk8ermaiden]

I think it can all be avoided if there are seating cards. In my opinion, it's very high school to just have people sit wherever they want. Because there's always going to be someone who is too shy to pick a table with people at it, and there's always going to be people that don't include the shy ones.

**I'm not trying to be rude to anyone who did it this way, this is just my opinion**

Honestly, this is exactly why I decided early on that we would have assigned tables. I couldn't really care less where everyone sits, but I do care that everyone has a place and is comfortable in it.

[Tanyak]

One of my good friends got married last year and didn't want to deal with a seating chart. NO ONE had an assigned table, including the bridal party, which I was part of. She had about 160 guests and folks were really scrambling to find a table, plus there weren't enough tables on the first floor, so if you were too slow, you had to find a table upstairs where you couldn't see anything.

It wasn't tragic or anything, just a bit of a pain.

[Sk8ermaiden]

Yeah, at my friend's wedding in August, even though our entire group of friends knows each other, she had tables for 10, and no one wanted to not be at a table together. 12 people ended up squeezing in (that was miserable) and 2 people had to hunt down seats elsewhere and far away from us. The same thing happened at her family's table.

[~*Kate*~]

We didn't have assigned seats or a head table-- I don't really remember sitting down during the reception! But we also had a buffet instead of a seated dinner, which probably makes a difference. Having individual food stations made people mingle and mill around more, and since dancing was going on the entire time there wasn't any one moment when everyone had to be seated.

It's funny that Dmsangel said having everyone scramble for their own seats was high school, because I feel the opposite-- I always get that weird "What if I have to sit with people I don't like" feeling when seats are assigned. (Or worse, "What if I'm at the table with the uncool kids" Oh no! It really is just like high school! :lol:)

[Tanyak]

We didn't have assigned seats or a head table-- I don't really remember sitting down during the reception! But we also had a buffet instead of a seated dinner, which probably makes a difference. Having individual food stations made people mingle and mill around more, and since dancing was going on the entire time there wasn't any one moment when everyone had to be seated.



No, her wedding was like that, too. And actually, so was mine, and I assigned tables for 80 guests. We both had buffets and dancing. I still think, though, if you're serving anything other than finger foods (pasta station, carving station, meat entrees, salads, sides), even if it's a buffet, people want to sit down and eat. It's not the kind of stuff you can really stand around and chow down on. Both weddings also had a ton of dancing, so I think it's nice if there is somewhere you can leave your coat and handbag and have an actual place to return to when you take a dancing break. JMO.

[~*Kate*~]

No, her wedding was like that, too. And actually, so was mine, and I assigned seats for 80 guests. I still think, though, if you're serving anything other than finger foods (pasta station, carving station, meat entrees, salads, sides), even if it's a buffet, people want to sit down and eat. It's not the kind of stuff you can really stand around and chow down on. Both weddings also had a ton of dancing, so I think it's nice if there is somewhere you can leave your coat and handbag and have an actual place to return to when you take a dancing break. JMO.

I guess I should have added that we had a ton of tables, b/c you're right, it wasn't the kind of stuff you could just stand around and eat. That drives me crazy too. I just meant that since we didn't have a "dinner hour" the guests didn't have to stake out a spot right away, so there wasn't any of that awkward "where should I sit" going on. We made sure there was plenty of seating so that groups of 4 or 6 could have a table together, but my rowdy friends from school could pull 20 chairs over to a table if they wanted and it was no big deal.

[Mandy]

I am everything you guys are arguing against! :lol:

We had no seating arrangements at our wedding, and we had a head table with the BP. I think it worked out perfectly though. In my opinion, you could choose to mingle and sit with people you knew. I didn't want to force anyone to be with people they didn't know. The BP had some cake and at the HT, but then went out and danced and had a good time.

I guess I didn't have a problem. :shrug:

[Winter_Bride]

I am everything you guys are arguing against! :lol:

We had no seating arrangements at our wedding, and we had a head table with the BP. I think it worked out perfectly though. In my opinion, you could choose to mingle and sit with people you knew. I didn't want to force anyone to be with people they didn't know. The BP had some cake and at the HT, but then went out and danced and had a good time.

I guess I didn't have a problem. :shrug:

:lol: Mandy, obviously you are just the exception to the rule! :aok:

I personally am not against head tables (we had one), but I HAVE found that no seating arrangements (as in assigned tables, not necessarily assigned seats) in larger weddings can be a bit chaotic (or at least at the weddings I've been to) but that's my own experience.

[dolface546]

When my mother's cousin got married they didn't have a head table or assigned seating, we dealt with the purses/jackets on chairs and ended up sitting outside (GA in July, NOT FUN), it took 2 hours for the FAMILY to get to the reception (yes it was "reception to directly follow") then 30 more minutes for the bride/groom.
Their entrance left something to be desired, everyone had already eaten and most were drunk. They danced and ate. There was a bridezilla moment when the bride screamed at a kid for stepping on her veil. :crazy:

By then the mother of the bride was SO DRUNK that she stood (right next to me) screaming "smash it in her face! get messy!)
We left before the b&g left b/c my dad was tired of being at the reception, we never did speak to the b&g (going on 4 hours when we left).

When we got into the car, my mom whipped around and said "it is the mother's duty to tell the bride it is time to go, when you girls get married if I say the reception is over, it is over! That woman disgraced mothers everywhere with her show and that reception will never end! It is over when I tell you!"

To that? We 3 girls said a quivering "yes ma'am":errrr:

[Sk8ermaiden]

That sounds like a very poorly planned wedding.


When we got into the car, my mom whipped around and said "it is the mother's duty to tell the bride it is time to go, when you girls get married if I say the reception is over, it is over! That woman disgraced mothers everywhere with her show and that reception will never end! It is over when I tell you!"

To that? We 3 girls said a quivering "yes ma'am":errrr:

That is the weirdest thing I have ever heard. Why does she care when someone else's wedding ends? People just tend to leave when they want to. I'm personally hoping our party lasts all night long. Regardless though, we'll be the last ones to leave. :huh:

[Tanyak]

That sounds like a very poorly planned wedding.



That is the weirdest thing I have ever heard. Why does she care when someone else's wedding ends? People just tend to leave when they want to. I'm personally hoping our party lasts all night long. Regardless though, we'll be the last ones to leave. :huh:

A lot of people still believe that the bride and groom need to make a "grand exit," signaling that the reception is over or close to being over, but I think that's an old-fashion idea. We stayed to the bitter end. :)

[dolface546]

Yea, my mom is a SEVERE traditionalist! I was in classical dance classes and etiquette classes in 6th grade.
We keep butting heads as far as all that so wedding planning has been slow going!

[Mimzy]

When we got into the car, my mom whipped around and said "it is the mother's duty to tell the bride it is time to go, when you girls get married if I say the reception is over, it is over! That woman disgraced mothers everywhere with her show and that reception will never end! It is over when I tell you!"

To that? We 3 girls said a quivering "yes ma'am":errrr:


Go Mom! :lol: I have been to weddings were the polite thing is to wait for the Exit before one leaves. I know that each wedding or culture have their own rules. But there are some weddings that you will not leave before the bride. There are two weddings that the blasted bride and groom would not leave! It was horrible. Everyone in agony. I think that in any group or culture one needs to consider the proper time to leave. And if your guest are "allowed" to leave before you I think it would be kind to have a bridesmaid discretely spread the word.

[*Sarah*]

How do you know at what weddings you're allowed to leave before the bride and groom or not? :dontknow:

[MemphisMom]

I have never heard of the "don't leave before the bride/groom" issue. I think it's terrible for guests to feel that they are held hostage until the reception is over.

For the wedding party and families, it might be wonderful for the reception to go on and on (and I think the bride and groom should stay as long as they want to!) but some guests may have to get home early for many reasons.

It's your wedding, you should stay every last minute that you want to and your guests should be treated as such and leave when they need to.

[Sk8ermaiden]

It's your wedding, you should stay every last minute that you want to and your guests should be treated as such and leave when they need to.
:yes:

[jillian]

I never heard of that tradition either.

[carolinalady67]

I had heard you shouldn't leave until after the cake is cut (but who would want to leave before cake!?) but have never heard you had to stay until the bride and groom left.

[Sk8ermaiden]

Yes, I have heard that too Lisa. That probably (pulling this out of my butt here) arose because brides pay per person for food and cake, so it's polite to stay through both so they didn't waste their money.

[jillian]

It's okay if people leave before the cake because then it's more for me!

[Renny]

"My husband was the best man in a wedding, and I was seated at the opposite end of the room while he was with the wedding party. It felt really strange and awkward."
--Julie, 34, Los Angeles, CA

what? did this lady wanna sit with the bridal party? maybe she should've asked before the wedding if she could be the MOH? ::rollseyes::

marriage does not equal "i have to up your ass at every social event you go to." if you're not a social person, and you don't know anyone at a wedding, just send a nice present, folks. you won't have a good time if you go. ::takes her own advice::

Actually, I find it kind of rude to expect the spouse to sit alone, they might not know many of the other guests and be uncomfortable.
I think at a wedding that's the one place you want to be near someone you love. I know when I was the MaOH at my brothers wedding I didn't sit at the head table with everyone I sat with my husband and kids, I was comfortable with them because weddings make me feel love and I wanted to be near the ones I loved the most.

My attendants will be able to sit where they want and with their spouses/children/family.

[Renny]

well I'm breaking many of the rules.

I am only providing a few brands of beer, maybe wine cooler type drinks, sodas (limited choices but popular flavors for our group), and water. I am providing them and well when I go to visit them I don't complain if they don't have my regular soda.

I am having a meal served buffet style and won't be assigning seats. Everyone will have a place to sit but well they can honestly find it on their own.

I am having the Chicken Dance, I live in TX and well what is a reception here w/out it :lol:

we won't have a recieving line though, I'll talk to everyone at the reception.

no head or sweetheart table we will sit among our guests.

and well we are having an after party type deal but well guests are on their own for the cost of drinks and tickets to the concert. I have already let all the guests know this.

[Mimzy]

I have never heard of the "don't leave before the bride/groom" issue. I think it's terrible for guests to feel that they are held hostage until the reception is over.

For the wedding party and families, it might be wonderful for the reception to go on and on (and I think the bride and groom should stay as long as they want to!) but some guests may have to get home early for many reasons.

It's your wedding, you should stay every last minute that you want to and your guests should be treated as such and leave when they need to.


Been held hostage is just how it feels if you are unhappy about being there!
I agree - let the guests leave when they wish!

*Sarah* - If you are close enough to the bride or groom to be invited to their wedding, you know if this rule applies!

[Mandy]

Actually, I find it kind of rude to expect the spouse to sit alone, they might not know many of the other guests and be uncomfortable.



I don't think it's rude at all. We did this, and I didn't do it to be rude to the SOs. I treated them just like I did any other guest. The only time the SOs were away from the BP was for the cake. I even had SOs along for pictures and lunch and dinner (which I paid for out of my own pocket!).

I just don't think it's fair to have this negative stigma on every bride who chooses not to have a sweetheart table or have her BP sitting with their SOs. :shrug:

[badluckbunny]

I just don't think it's fair to have this negative stigma on every bride who chooses not to have a sweetheart table or have her BP sitting with their SOs. :shrug:

word.

i barely know my BMs boyfriends. it will be a miracle if i even invite them. MOH says she doesn't care if her bf comes because she will want to be spending time with me. i want to be surrounded by my friends at my wedding. i don't particularly want people i don't know sitting with me at my own party, but if i went to someone else's wedding and sat with a bunch of people i don't know i would feel obliged to make the best of it.

[Deidre98]

I think Beth meant more like serious SO's or husband's/wives...not a casual BF or GF.

[badluckbunny]

i still wouldn't feel obligated to seat them at the head table.

my BMs have been seeing their boys for about three years, so casual is out. =)

this brings me to another topic that i don't know if i should discuss here. obviously most of us believe in marriage. do you feel obligated to invite someone's live-in SO? personally, i don't think it's a good idea to live together before you're married, but i'm not going so far as to say it's "living in sin."

if i knew and liked the SO i would feel like i need to invite him or her. otherwise, it's hey, just because you're living together with my close friend doesn't mean ya get to be involved in the most important day in my life.

[Deidre98]

From what I understand, etiquette-wise, if they are living together, you are supposed to invite them.

[-->Kat<--]

I think if the S/O's are going to feel so out of place because they don't know anybody, then maybe they should decide to not attend. :shrug2:

[Sk8ermaiden]

Yea, if they are living together, engaged, or married.

[Mandy]

I think if the S/O's are going to feel so out of place because they don't know anybody, then maybe they should decide to not attend. :shrug2:

This is exactly what I did. A high school friend of Chad's got married this last year. I've never met them and knew I wouldn't know anyone there. He was in the BP and went (for obvious reasons), but I politely declined and sent a gift. Even if Chad would've been seated with me, I don't think it would've made it any differant for me. It freed up a plate so they could invite someone on their "B" list and Chad got to have some quality time with his old high school buddies (and I got more MLW time!). :)

[badluckbunny]

i just don't see how 'Jane's boy that she met 2 days ago who now lives with her' trumps 'Kate's boyfriend she's been seeing for three years but has no intention of marrying.'

if i only knew one member of a couple, i would only feel obligated to invite his or her other half if they were married or engaged.

Mandy and Kat, that is what i was originally trying to say.

[-->Kat<--]

so are you saying that you wouldn't allow your single friends to bring a date? I think that if you know they have a b/f or s/o then you should count on them bringing that person.

[Kari]

Here is my thought...

I can't imagine having a friend that is so involved with someone that they are living together and NOT inviting that person. Dan and I lived together for quite a few years before we got married. If I had been invited to a good friends wedding and he wasn't, I wouldn't go. That is just downright rude.

[Sk8ermaiden]

I agree Kari. And in that scenario, Jane's boyfriend and Kate's boyfriend should be invited. If Kate has been seeing her boyfriend for years, then he's enough of a part of her life that he should be invited IMO.

[badluckbunny]

Here is my thought...

I can't imagine having a friend that is so involved with someone that they are living together and NOT inviting that person. Dan and I lived together for quite a few years before we got married. If I had been invited to a good friends wedding and he wasn't, I wouldn't go. That is just downright rude.

i wouldn't invite them if i never hung out with them. if the bride and groom didn't know you, i would think it was quite rude not to set up an introduction before the wedding. if the effort was not made to see the bride and groom socially before the wedding, why should the bride and groom make the most important day of their lives privy to someone they don't know from Adam?

[~*Kate*~]

Your wedding invitations are not your chance to pass judgement on whose relationship is worthy. If you're not sure, ask your friend whether or not she expects to bring her SO. Then let the SO decide whether or not s/he wants to come, just like you were saying you would do in their place.

[PurpleFlower]

IN my opinion I think it is almost unfair to expect that because the bridal party has SO that they woudn't be sitting with the bride and groom. I am having my BP sit with us at the head table and I plan on introducing all of the SO of the BP to eachother so at least we know they know someone...mmm hopefully that makes since. Anyway I think it is a honor to be asked to be in a BP and if the bride and groom want you to sit with them that is an honor also. You said yes to standing up for them so isn't sitting up their with them part of it? I agree with if the SO doesn't feel comfortable then maybe they shouldn't come. Just my thoughts

Oh and I wanted to say about seating charts... We are not doing one, we want our guests to mingle (sp) and I think the best way to assure that joe and frank that hate eachother won't sit togeather is to let them choose. This way also our families will be able to get to know eachother a little better. Besides it is a lot less work for me being the bride not having to worry about who can sit where with who. most are adults and should be able to choose where they would want to sit. Just my thoughts

[Renny]

I don't think it's rude at all. We did this, and I didn't do it to be rude to the SOs. I treated them just like I did any other guest. The only time the SOs were away from the BP was for the cake. I even had SOs along for pictures and lunch and dinner (which I paid for out of my own pocket!).

I just don't think it's fair to have this negative stigma on every bride who chooses not to have a sweetheart table or have her BP sitting with their SOs. :shrug:

noooo, I mean it's rude if you know the SO doesn't know anyone or is excluded in everything. I've been to weddings where the SO's are trying to be nice and carry on convos but they have no clue what is going on because people are talking about the college everyone attended or the vacations everyone took.
If you think about the SO's and offer them comfortable options then I totally think it's ok to not have everyone at one table.

[Deidre98]

In my situation, one of my BM's has been dating this guy for a year and is now living together. I met him once very briefly and don't know him very well. However, I am still inviting him because he has been a part of her life for the last year and they are living together. He will be sitting with my BM since we decided to have our BP and their SO's sit at 2 tables and then FH and I are sitting at a sweetheart table so we can have some time by ourselves while we eat.

[Renny]

this brings me to another topic that i don't know if i should discuss here. obviously most of us believe in marriage. do you feel obligated to invite someone's live-in SO? personally, i don't think it's a good idea to live together before you're married, but i'm not going so far as to say it's "living in sin."

if i knew and liked the SO i would feel like i need to invite him or her. otherwise, it's hey, just because you're living together with my close friend doesn't mean ya get to be involved in the most important day in my life.

I think that if the couple is doing more than casual dating then they should be invited. I would find it VERY rude and hurtful if someone wanted to invite Tom to a wedding and not aknowledge the fact that is in in a very commited relationship and vice versa. I wouldn't attend if he was excluded in my invite and I know he wouldn't if I wasn't on his invite.

I'm curious with the line of thinking that you have are you not inviting family you have never meet or gotten close to? like an uncle you only have seen a few times.

[Sk8ermaiden]

noooo, I mean it's rude if you know the SO doesn't know anyone or is excluded in everything. I've been to weddings where the SO's are trying to be nice and carry on convos but they have no clue what is going on because people are talking about the college everyone attended or the vacations everyone took.
If you think about the SO's and offer them comfortable options then I totally think it's ok to not have everyone at one table.


This is how I feel too. While I personally feel it's best if couples get to sit together, I don't think anyone should complain if the bride at least puts some effort into ensuring the SO's comfort.

I also would not attend a wedding if FH was not invited. That's just rude.

[Tanyak]

Oh and I wanted to say about seating charts... We are not doing one, we want our guests to mingle (sp) and I think the best way to assure that joe and frank that hate eachother won't sit togeather is to let them choose. This way also our families will be able to get to know eachother a little better. Besides it is a lot less work for me being the bride not having to worry about who can sit where with who. most are adults and should be able to choose where they would want to sit. Just my thoughts


I think the main problem is the confusion it causes. I mentioned my friend's wedding above. Sure, she had a cocktail hour and people mingled, but there comes a time when people want to sit. And even if it's a buffet, there is still a "dinner hour," so to speak. Everyone eats about the same time - the food doesn't stay out all night. At my friend's wedding, we literally spent 20 minutes (while balancing plates of food) trying to see if we could sit at this or that table and if there were enough chairs for our crew and so on and so. One of our friends dissappeared for about an hour and it's because she had to go upstairs to find a seat. As it was, our eight-person table became a tight squeeze with about 12 people. But like I said - this was a 160+ wedding with a weird seating situation (downstairs/upstairs) to start with. I've been to a no-assigned table wedding that had 45 guests. Much, much easier to find an open seat.

People still mingled at my wedding - that's not an issue. People just had a place they could leave their coat and purse without worrying about finding an empty seat.

[Renny]

I think if we had more that 50/75 I would be doing a seating chart.

[Jaime]

If my husband was not included on an invite I got I would not attend and vice versa.. it is one thing for DH to say "I don't know Sarah, I would rather stay home" and another if she just doesn't bother to invite him, you know?

[badluckbunny]

I think that if the couple is doing more than casual dating then they should be invited. I would find it VERY rude and hurtful if someone wanted to invite Tom to a wedding and not aknowledge the fact that is in in a very committed relationship and vice versa. I wouldn't attend if he was excluded in my invite and I know he wouldn't if I wasn't on his invite.

I'm curious with the line of thinking that you have are you not inviting family you have never meet or gotten close to? like an uncle you only have seen a few times.


again, i'm not talking about excluding a fiance or a husband. i'm talking about not inviting someone you don't know. living together or dating for a really long time doesn't cut it for me if i have no idea who that person is.

to answer your question, i'm not inviting people i haven't spoken to in years. i'm talking about the people i probably won't see until my parents' funeral, and that's a ways off, God willing.

[km]

:computer:

I remember reading that, interesting as well.