the no children thing

[badluckbunny]

i know that if the kids are not on the invitation then they are not invited, but not everyone reads Miss Manners as religiously as i.

has anyone had the little buggers show up at her wedding without her knowledge? i can totally see myself having a meltdown if that happened.

many people just assume the kids are invited, so what do you do to get the word out that you don't want kids without insulting the proud parents?

i love the kids...just not at my wedding. it would be past bedtime anyway.

[lalalola]

we aren't having children at our wedding either.........but I just told everyone that its a parents only night.....none of my family had any problems with that but my friend did......she was like WTF, don't u want him to see u get married.....ummm hello, he is 4 and would probably throw a tantrum as I walked down the aisle!

[Deidre98]

You can also put on the invitation Adult Reception to follow and then by word of mouth. Make sure people know kids are not invited.

[Winter_Bride]

You can also put on the invitation Adult Reception to follow and then by word of mouth. Make sure people know kids are not invited.

I agree that this would be best. Truthfully if only my husband and my name were on the invite, and we had a LITTLE (infant) child, I would probably just assume they were invited (I would have the common sense not to bring them to the reception, I would also make sure to sit by an exit at the ceremony...) But I don't know enough about proper etiquette when it comes to adressing invites.

I think the best way to have an adult-only wedding is to specify, and spread word-of-mouth! I don't think there's anything wrong with your request, and I think that most people will absolutely respect it and enjoy it as an excuse for a night away from the kids! ;)

[Deidre98]

And just be prepared for people to complain! God knows they will!!! If this is what you really want, you just have to stick to your guns and be strong.

[jillian]

We specified on the invitation. No one really complained, more people were happy to have an adult night out.

[badluckbunny]

actually, i'm more concerned about the ceremony than the reception. i've never seen anyone say "Adult Ceremony." is that right?

[jillian]

well if you invite children to the reception they'll probably go to the ceremony too. Just hope that their parents are smart enough sit in the crying room or leave if the baby cries.

[angie]

We didn't invite kids. We didn't put anything on the invite or response card that said "adult only". People are supposed to know the names on the inner envelope are the only people invited. So far all our responses have not included more than the 2 people invited.

[*alissa*]

We didn't invite kids. We didn't put anything on the invite or response card that said "adult only". People are supposed to know the names on the inner envelope are the only people invited. So far all our responses have not included more than the 2 people invited.

ITA. To include chidlren.....even older children (teens, etc.) either their names or..if you don't know the kids names...."and family" are put on the invite.
But...I see nothing wrong with making SURE people know their children aren't invited.
I wouldn't put the "Adults only" on the invitation, though. IMO it would detract from the overall look and feel of the invitation. I would include a seperate insert of some kind....small card or something, stating something like
"Due to space /time of our ceremony, please leave your little ones at home" or whatever.
I think that sounds more polite than "Adults only". That said....however....I do think that proper ettiquette is spreading it by word of mouth. Which is fine if you don't have too many people to inform. I know at my wedding, more than HALF of the 300 invited had small children. There would have been no way to ensure all of them got the word.

[Kari]

People are supposed to know the names on the inner envelope are the only people invited.

There are lots of things that people are "supposed to know" but they don't. (or they choose to ignore)

If you don't want kids at your wedding, specify that. If you don't, you will probably have kids at your wedding.

[Renny]

I didn't use inner envelopes, I was being cheap and didn't want to add extra weight and not be able to use the special Valentines stamps.

On the front though I either added the kids names or wrote and family and figures that people would figure it all out.

Of course I'm having kids there so it doens't matter to me.


I think to avoid it an insert with the invite would be the best route if you aren't using an inner envelope.

[soulmates]

Oddly enough I'm inviting my friend's two children and she had thought that they would not be invited. Her girls are a bit older though and would really be the only children there.

[badluckbunny]

There are lots of things that people are "supposed to know" but they don't. (or they choose to ignore)

If you don't want kids at your wedding, specify that. If you don't, you will probably have kids at your wedding.

hmm, but how to tell people without being a biznatch? =D

i like the insert idea, but i kinda feel it would detract from the invite.

i'm hoping since the wedding will be at night, most people will have the sense to leave the little ones at home, but i have a hard time believing that most people have enough sense to do anything. =P

should i provide babysitting services? too much?

[Winter_Bride]

Some girls have done just that - hired a babysitter (or two, depending on how many children there are), and have set aside a room in the reception or ceremony site for people to "drop-off" their kids...

Otherwise, I would add an insert. I personally don't think it would take away from the look of the invite, and as Kari mentioned - you can't assume anyone will automatically know anything. I think it would be safest to just have a little card that matches the invites that says something along the lines of "please note, this is an adult-only event".

Could you add it to your RSVP cards if you're worried about one more insert?

[angie]

Perhaps you can have guests fill in the # of people coming on the RSVP card. If more than 2 people are written, you can have someone give them a call stating due to limitations (or whatever) only so and so is invited. I know that might be awkward and a pain, but this is the plan of action I chose to take. I'm in the middle of receiving my rsvps now and I have yet to make a phone call about it.

I was worried like you about how to get the point across that only the parents were invited. All the wedding etiquette sites say do not put "adult only". I don't know if people are offended seeing that on the invitation or not. It seems to be a more common thing to do anymore though and maybe people really don't care. I didn't want to take the chance and simply omitted it.

I get the feeling that in my area it is very common and accepted to not have kids at a wedding. Most weddings I've been to hardly had any kids, which may be why I'm not having any problems so far.

Of course now that I'm saying all this, I will probably get an RSVP tomorrow stating they will bring their kids.:hehe:

[*Diane*]

i know that if the kids are not on the invitation then they are not invited, but not everyone reads Miss Manners as religiously as i.


So what does Ms. Manners say about it? What is the etiquettely correct way to say, "I would prefer that your children don't come to my wedding"? I am sure that Emily Post or Amy Vanderbilt have addressed this at some point.

[Jaime]

Didn't someone mention how they pretty much set their RSVP card up like "2 seats have been reserved for you" or something like that.. I forget, but you could do something like that, so they see that 2 seats are held for them, so they wont bring their kids?

I dunno, I am tired :caught:

[Renny]

that's a great idea!

[*alissa*]

That IS a good idea!
You wouldn't have to worry about an insert. And I think that would make it pretty clear who WAS invited and who wasn't.

[Mandy]

We had a very late wedding and STILL had kids there. I didn't mind because I wanted them there. We had so many OOT guests, I couldn't imagine them having to leave them behind.

Just keep in mind, if it's not a kid, it'll be uncle joe in the back coughing the entire time, or aunt suzy blowing her nose. Just be prepared for that. I was suprised how "loud" it was while I was wiating to come down the aisle. I tell ya what though, as soon as I walked down the aisle the only person I could see or hear was my husband. It sounds so cheesy, but it's 100% true. I can't remember a single thing our Pastor said, any of the music. I just remember saying our vows and walking out together!

You could provide a babysitter if you like, but I think the best way is word of mouth. Be prepared to have one or two complaints, and to have some try to sneak them in. I think the best way is to just tell your BP and families, so they can spread the word. Then, you could incorporate Jamie's idea of the reserved seats.

Good luck! :)

[km]

:computer:

at my daughters wedding it was adults only reception except the 2 children that were apart of the wedding, there were children that did attend the service of family and friends.

[MemphisMom]

As far as etiquette is concerned, the only guests who are invited are those whose names appear on the invitation.

I realize that in some areas, bringing children may be the norm so how to tell them should be obvious by the invitation.

With that said, we still seem to hear about the issue coming up so I think the # listed on the response card would be a good idea and then you need to be ready to have someone call anyone seems determined to bring children who were not listed on the envelope.