Flowers Dilema!-LONG

[BASIA]

So, I need some advice! First some background info: When I first started planning this wedding I wanted to do some simple flowers (mostly from my mom's garden) on my own (with help of mom and BP). That was the plan. Our centerpices are included in the price of our reception but they are fake flowers and both my mom and FMIL said that they want real flowers, so I said that we will just do the flowers ourself to save some money. FMIL offered that she will pay for flowers and to get them done at a florist so that we wont be stressing about them the day of the wedding etc. SHe is also doing mt bridal shower and paying for the the HM. Great! Well not really. First off we need to pay off our crusie by may 31st but she is not going to give us the money till like right around the wedding or after (not sure when FH did not tell me exactly when but said around the wedding time) so we had to pay for flights/deposit on the cruise and now we will have to pay for the rest of it. And than wait for the money later (when everything is paid for already). Than she booked the site for my shower. Wonderful. But from briefly talking to her she was asking how many people I am inviting, if it is just my mom BP and my aunt that she met (she knows I dont have much family here but we do have friends, and extended family) that would make it around 6 women on my side. Not sure how many she is planning on inviting from her side but she just wants the closes family. WELL with a wedding of 200 people that we invite to the wedding, there are a lot more people than 6 that I want to invite. There are my friends, extended family etc. So I just send her few people addresses but well I dont want a shower for 15 people. Yes I know I should be happy that she is doing this for me but well is she did not offer I would have my BM do it for me (they were asking who is doing it) and well I would have more people. But we will see. She is just not communicating with me.

So back to the flowers. She said to call up some places and book a florist. She knows one florist that she wanted me to check out. WEll when I was asking her about him, I did not like what I heard. He does not work on weekends really, but you can make appointment, why would we book now, they said no one books so early, one month in advance is enough time etc. So I was driving by my parents house and there is a very nice florist place. I went in and talk to the lady, made appointment with my mom and we both fell in love with her style, what she had to offer, ideas etc. I am not a flower person, and I want to have something different, modern contemporary and well just me. We were first talking about roses etc. But then we saw some things with orchids (sp) and when she saw what we are looking for she came up with great ideas. I mean I never imagined anything like that. Well then came the price time. $3000 which I was kind of expecting. After all if I am going to go with a florist I want something that I would not be able to do myself. If I am going to go with something simple I may as well just do it myself. So I talked to FMIL last week and just described the florist, flowers etc. and was waiting for the questions of how much. Well that questions never came so I ended up emailing her with the price quote earlier this week (and addresses). I got no response till now when my FH called me asking me what it included, what flowers, why I want this florist, how I know that no one else wont do this for lower price etc. It is hard to explain this over the phone how I feel about this lady. How not many florists will do things that unique etc. I dont have a list of exactly what she will be doing but he wants me to go to this florist that his mom knows and see how much will they charge me for the same thing. I am not sure if I will be able to explain this to another person. I mean I can picture exactly what my wedding will look like. if this lady will do my flowers. NOw I dont know what to do. Yes $3000 is a lot but she did not give us a budget. If she did I would know what I have to work with. I said I will go and see the other florist but I really dont want to. I am the type of person that if I like what I see, I like the person I will buy it from them. I will not look around more. I dont feel the need to. So now I need to go and talk to this person. try to explain what I want, get a price, and if it is cheaper, I will worry if they understood me, and if the wedding will be the way I want it to be. Even my mom said not to look around anymore because this lady knows her stuff and is great! :sappy: Plus she will do a centerpice sample 6 weeks before the wedding so we can see how it will look, what can we change etc. The other florist doesnt even want to book 6 weeks in advance:caught: . I dont want to stress about it. Yes they always get their flowers from them but well.......

My parents are paying for the reception (which will end up over 15k) and she offered to pay for the flowers and now its too much. And she wont talk to me about anything. I will tell her something she will go and talk to Robert and than Robert calls me asking what is going on. Well he is not the one planning this wedding! I am! He will not know what is going on because he does not care what is going on!! SO talk to me!!!


HELP!! HOW CAN I CONVINCE THEM THAT I WANT THIS FLORIST.

[carolinalady67]

It is hard when you want one thing but the person who is paying wants something else. It would have been best if she had given you a budget to deal with. Do the mom's get along? Could your mom talk to her since she was also at the florist and maybe explain why you liked them? Other then that I have no advise, it sounds like she is holding the money over you to do what she wants and that sucks and isn't right but kind of leaves you with doing what she wants or paying for it yourself.

[Winter_Bride]

Unfortunately you're not going to like my answer.

While I can completely appriciate your frustration, and I know the feeling when you've found "the one" (whether it be THE dress, THE cake, THE hall or THE flowers), because your FMIL offered, she controls the budget in that aspect. You have EVERY RIGHT not to take her up on her offer, and still do the flowers yourself, but I doubt when she offered she was thinking you'd go for something you couldn't do on your own (as you had mentioned), I think it sounds like her intent was that she would save you the time and stress of doing your own flowers the night before/day of the wedding and probably doesn't understand why if you were so happy with a DIY bouquet, you're now asking for 3K worth of flowers if she's going to pay for them.

I can't really comment on the booking an appointment, or the cost of the flowers, as I did my own and they were silks. But if it's truly a concern of yours to see the florist well before a month ahead of time, then I really don't see why they wouldn't book an appointment with you. Out of curteousy, I'd at least go to meet with him in person.

I think it's going to be one of those things where if you accept her offer, you very well might have to accept her budget as well. She's not obligated in any way to pay for the flowers, so accept this as a gift from her and view it that way. Talk to her, and see what her budget is. See if she'll give you $ towards the flowers - that way you'll be able to have complete freedom in how it's spent. Is there any chance you can see how much she's offering to pay, and then pay the rest yourself?

(as for the honeymoon - does she realize when things need to be paid? Maybe she never considered that? Might seem like common sense to some, but she probably just never realized when the final amount had to be paid)

[km]

:computer:

If you want this florist and are willing to pay her price then I would say go for it. If she is making you a mock up then you will see her work up close and personal. The other florist should make a mock up as well, you can describe what flowers you want and how you want it to look, etc...where I am sure if it is not what you want when you see the mock up you can tell her what you do and do not like~~~if your Mother-in-law won't speak with you about any of this and you did reconnect with the first florist she wants and your still not happy I would explain this to his Mother that it is perfectly fine with you and your Mother if she with drawls her offer for the flowers. If she would prefer to pay for something else that would be perfectly fine,favors perhaps........
I hope I made some sense..........................:sappy:

[BASIA]

I understand what you all are saying. And yes I really appreciate the offer that she gave us. What frustrates me is that she did not give us a budget, just said to go and pick what I want, get quotes etc. I told her what flowers I want etc. I said that I dont like roses and a lot of florists like to use them. She said that orchids are fine and she never went to a wedding with roses, and why would I use them. I will see. I just wish she would talk to me directly and not through my FH. Yes he is her son, and it is maybe more confortable for her to talk to him but well he does not really know what is going on. So there is a lot of miscommunication between us. And she does know me for 8 years know so she should be talking to me. I spend last 7 years practicly leaving at her house! If she gave us a budget than I would just pay for what ever the differance is. I will go and talk to the other florist but I know that I wont use him. Oh well I will see what happens.

[Winter_Bride]

I understand what you all are saying. And yes I really appreciate the offer that she gave us. What frustrates me is that she did not give us a budget, just said to go and pick what I want, get quotes etc. I told her what flowers I want etc. I said that I dont like roses and a lot of florists like to use them. She said that orchids are fine and she never went to a wedding with roses, and why would I use them. I will see. I just wish she would talk to me directly and not through my FH. Yes he is her son, and it is maybe more confortable for her to talk to him but well he does not really know what is going on.

Ok, I misunderstood. Yes, if she's asking you to get quotes, and realizes/supports the fact that you want expensive flowers, then I can totally see your frustration!!

I would go to HER florist WITH HER AND YOUR MOM, then go meet with the other florist you found WITH HER AND YOUR MOM - Maybe if she sees the difference in service between the two, it will be easier to go with what you want. Otherwise you might seriously have to consider having her pay for part of the flowers, and footing the rest of the bill yourself...

[nikkiscott]

This may be not a good thing to say but I am going to anyways. This is the first thing that poped into my brain. I would say ok I will get another quote from this florist that you like so much. Then put it off put it off and then tell her that he was way more then $3000 cause he doesn't work weekends he charges a few. I would basically lie to her. I know its bad cause she is your fmil...but she is driving you batty and thats how I would deal with it.

Why go to someone else when the florist you saw understood what you were looking for. Understood everything. Thats great when you can find a florist that you like. Its hard sometimes. Some people just settle. I don't think any bride should settle for just anyone to do something as important as flowers.

I don't know if I have helped or hindered you. Keep us posted on what happens.

[km]

:computer:

After rereading your post as far as the flowers are concerned when someone does not give you a budget of what their willing to pay one might think the sky is the limit, not the case, although your parents are paying quite a bit more most people do not expect flowers to cost 3000.00. Booking one month before the wedding is not too uncommon, most do book well before to secure the date, as far as not working weekends, odd and most cases not true for a florist, but did the florist, or your Mother-in-law tell you this?? I will say your mother in law is suffering from hurt feelings, but this is not to say that you must go with the florist she recommends, she did however say go to a florist, book one and she will pay, but check out the one I know as well,which you did and you were not happy. I really don't have a exact answer for you, there are a few things that you could do. That will take some decisions on your part.

[km]

:computer:

Here is something you can take with you when interviewing your florist.

Lock in your floral designer early during the wedding planning process. You'll want a designer who is gifted, knowledgeable, and agreeable. Most importantly, your florist should delight in providing you with the most beautiful flowers your budget can handle. Be sure to check with the local Better Business Bureau before hiring. Here are 12 questions to ask potential florists:

http://images.theknot.com/articles/ar_1green_32.gifWhat is the florist's design philosophy? Minimal? Traditional? Elegant? Edgy and modern? Florists love explaining their artistic sensibilities -- the styles they love, their favorite flowers, the palettes they adore. Do the florist's views fit with your own ideas?
10. How many weddings will the florist do on the same day or weekend as yours? You'll want to know that your florist won't be rushed on the day-of.



http://images.theknot.com/articles/ar_2green_32.gifDoes the florist's style -- and the overall look of the shop -- match yours? (This is common sense. Go with your gut.)

http://images.theknot.com/articles/ar_3green_32.gifCan you see photographs or live examples of past work? (Real bouquets and arrangements will give you a better sense of the florist's abilities than photos -- especially photos that aren't of the florist's actual work but show things the florist says he or she can do.)

http://images.theknot.com/articles/ar_4green_32.gifHow big is the shop (number of staff), and who will work on your wedding? Make sure the floral designer you're interviewing will actually create the arrangements.

http://images.theknot.com/articles/ar_5green_32.gifTry to gauge the florist's expertise by asking questions. What flowers will be in season when your wedding takes place? If your budget is on the small side, ask how you can maximize your options. What are some less expensive alternatives to blooms beyond your price range?

http://images.theknot.com/articles/ar_6green_32.gifWhat are the hottest floral trends of the moment? Why do they work or not work? What's the most innovative concept the florist has recently brought to a design project?

http://images.theknot.com/articles/ar_7green_32.gifWhich flowers are best for your wedding season? If you're marrying in the summertime, what are some hot weather no-nos?

http://images.theknot.com/articles/ar_8green_32.gifHas the florist done weddings at your ceremony or reception site before? If so, she may have pictures of arrangements done at your site and will be knowledgeable about what sizes, shapes, and colors work in the space.

http://images.theknot.com/articles/ar_9green_32.gifWill the florist deliver the flowers to your wedding or spend time at the site, setting up and making sure everything is in order? You'll pay more for a full-service florist, but you'll get what you pay for.

http://images.theknot.com/articles/ar_10green_32.gifHow many weddings will the florist do on the same day or weekend as yours? You'll want to know that your florist won't be rushed on the day-of.

http://images.theknot.com/articles/ar_11green_32.gifDoes the florist offer rental items -- vases, potted plants, arches, trellises, candelabras, urns -- or must you contact a rental company?

http://images.theknot.com/articles/ar_12green_32.gifDoes the florist preserve bouquets after weddings? If this is important to you, find out now if he will do so, or if you can be referred to someone who does. You may have to make an appointment before the wedding to ensure that your bouquet can be preserved directly afterward.

Good Luck!

[BASIA]

Nikki, I would like to lie to her about the price but she knows the florist and is there every day almost (work) so yeah that wont work. But I will try to come up with something.

Kiamarie! Thanks for the list. I will definitly look into it. The florist that I want is very well, she likes to show off with her creations. She said she wont take a wedding if someone just wants a floating flower in a vase and just some b-k because that will not get her more people. She wants to show off, to her it is art, and she wants to do desinges that will wow people. That is why I like her so much!

[km]

:wavey: Your welcome! and Good luck with the florist!!!!

[BASIA]

Just wanted to update. I went to see her florist and well he was not my style. He kept pushing roses on me (even after I told him that there were no roses in my wedding). Plus he could not get the flowers that I wanted, wanted to spray paint them etc. (which I did not want) and was MORE expansive than the other lady. So my FMIL put down a deposit with the lady that I want to use!!! So I got my florist!

[Winter_Bride]

Glad to hear things worked out for you!! :handclap:

[km]

:excited:

[*Diane*]

Well allllll righttt!!! That is great news! :yesyes:

[soulmates]

:woohoo: I'm so glad you get the florist you want. Your flowers will be beautiful!