I Am So Happy---By Myself

[SillySlacks]

I'd been kind of down about my wedding planning because it seems like no one cared. All I was getting was a bunch of are you sure, you are too young, blah blah blah....

FYI- I am 23. I have a job. I finished school. I've lived by myself for the past 3 years...anyway...

The breaking point was when I asked my mom when is she going to sit down and talk about the wedding with me.
She's been good at avoiding me and every time I try to talk to her something comes up.

So she says my wedding is not on her list of things to think about and my dad doesn't want to go.

*ouch*

That's when it clicked- ok- this is not going to get better so I don't care anymore. I was depressed for a few days but my darling made me feel better when he said: This is for me and you. This wedding is not for anyone else. We can't worry about who will be there and who won't. We just have to make the best of it. I am happy, you are happy, so let's be happy.

By the way; we are going to visit my parents this weekend. We'll see how it goes.

[Kelly]

I agree with your fiance I was 20 years old when I got married. DH and I both have steady good paying jobs, we're living on our own, and we are expecting a child together. age isn't everything. I know some 30 year olds who aren't nearly as mature as some people my age. don't worry about it. we're here for you:hug99:

[Trinia]

:hug:

[mrs.g]

:hug:

[laurak83]

Aww I'm really sorry about this. My parents are really down on weddings too, for them I think it has to do with not contributing financially when they are able to.
It's one thing for your mom to tell you she doesn't have time to be interested, it's another to have her tell you your father won't even attend. This makes me think they have some other objection. Do they like your fiance? Do they have a bitter marriage? Have they been negative about other events in your life? Their behavior is upsetting if they have no reason for it.

[SillySlacks]

My mom thinks I am too young to get married and she is upset that I will be moving out of state.

My dad thinks I am too young and that getting married will be the end of my career and therefore the end of my life. He thinks I am being stupid and I need to focus on a career path.

Personally I dont see what marriage has to do with career goals as it's not like I will be giving anything up.

As for other events- yes, they are against anything I want to do that doesn't fit in line with "the way things should be done." I can gives tons of examples. But I never imagined they'd be so harsh during this time where I am supposed to be happy.

[RDC_girl]

Your Fiance is right! The wedding is for the two of you.

Are you the youngest? That may be why you mom is having a hard time with your wedding

[carolinalady67]

Your fiance is a smart man! And you know you have all of us to talk to and help with the planning :)

[lurkylurkylurky]

Someone once gave me an excellent piece of advice: just because they're your parents, doesn't mean they're always right. I mean, you know that logically, but it can be hard to remember sometimes.

You have to live your own life.

[SillySlacks]

Are you the youngest? That may be why you mom is having a hard time with your wedding

Nope, I am the oldest, but maybe the same thing applies.

[Mandy]

First off: :hug:

Second, you're FH is absolutely correct. This wedding is for the two of you. I think that's one thing so many people forget. I know I did. My ILs are HORRIBLE and they forced us to do a lot of things I did not want to do. At one point I had to just dig my foot in the ground and remind them (and yourself!) that this is a celebration of YOUR love. It doesn't matter who's there and who's not. All that matters is that you see your FH standing there at the end of the aisle, and that the wedding is a reflection of the love you share.

Best of luck and remember--we love hearing about weddings here...so share it with us! :)

[Jaime]

I am in one of those moods where I am just going to blurt out what I think.. I think your parents reaction sucks.

You are 23, a grown woman, out of school, living on your own. Heck, I was married at 27 and I had never lived on my own :lol: I think it is beyond mean for your Father not to come to your wedding over something like him just not wanting you to mess up your career. I am sorry, this situation sucks for you :hug99:

[Poloke]

Have your wedding the way you and your fiance want it. If your parents want to be unsupportive, that is their choice. They will miss out seeing their oldest daughter get married, and that is sad that they'd chose to do that.

It is a bitter pill to swallow, but your fiance is right. Make yourselves happy.

Please share with us your wedding plans, we can support you through this and wish you the best on your journey!

HUGS!

[MsJessica07]

I'm so sorry your parents reacted that way and that they don't understand. I think your dad is probably reacting to some pretty real facts about couples having to sometimes put one career ahead of another when trying to find jobs, but I think it's a total over reaction to say that your career is over.

:hug:

[SueMartin]

I agree Ms jessica.. I think as a parent, that even if I didnt agree with what my child was doing I would support THEM not their ACTIONS.. but as you said, you are 23 and capable of living and caring for yourself.. we'll be your virtual family if you like..

[angie]

Somehow I don't buy "you need to build up your career first before getting married". If you're already on your own, paying your own bills, what difference does it make if you're married or not? It sounds like you're a responsible person. Is your FH? The only logic I can see behind it if your father equates marriage with having kids right away. That could be a financial burden for some people and perhaps he wishes for the road to be easier for you and for you to wait on that.

Personally, I think there's more to what your parents are telling you.

You need a good long talk with them. If you don't, the misunderstandings will continue.

Most parents want the best for us. They want us to be happy. If they don't support an event that's supposed to be the happiest day of your life, there's something wrong somewhere.

It could be:
a) They don't support your relationship with your FH. If so, find out why. You may learn a lot from the discussion even if it turns out to be a painful conversation.
b) They don't have a healthy marriage and are cynical that anyone else can have a good one or they went through a bad relationships when they were young and don't want to see you follow their footsteps.

If you can't get anymore answers out of your parents, I would talk to someone who knows both you and your FH and you parents and see if you can get an objective, honest assessment of what is going on.

Good luck.

[oupiglet]

I was 33 when I got married, lived away from home in another state for 11 years, had a job, car, house, when I got engaged.

My Mom had nothing to do with my wedding. It was painful but I took the high road the entire time inviting her to help so that she couldn't blame me for not involving her. She did come to my wedding, and mostly behaved herself. She will never have the opportunity to be a part of that time in my life again. She blew it. I didn't let her acting like a toddler stop my happiness.

Good Luck on your jouney!

[*Diane*]

I married at 19 and believe me, there wasn't an overwhelming show of support. Here we are 28 years later, still married, and his parents are just now beginning to come around. Plan what you can afford and let your ceremony be a display of love and support for each other. If you know in your heart that this is right for you, do what your heart says is right. :bighug: Please let me know if I can help in any way.

[genophotography]

I also got married at 19. Granted my DH was leaving for Iraq, but we were engaged and had been together for 4 years at the time. I don't think his parents were thrilled, but we did what we thought was best and here we are another 4 years later. His parents were also of the belief that we were too young to have kids since they waited. I was 22 when I had Laurelin, and I love being a mommy.

Your fiance is completely right. At the end of the day you are left with yourself (and you FH) it is important that you are happy. I know it's hard not having support, but you have to realize that your decisions are your own to make and not everyone has to agree. I wish you all the best and lots of happiness and love!!

[Andrea]

wow I dunno what to offer, except :hug: