Things the bride ought to know . . . [Archive]

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Aurora_K

08-01-2007, 02:52 PM

I'm working on writing a wedding planning book called: "What no one tells the bride." It's not going to be your typical wedding planner. I want to make it as unique as possible and include all of those little things that most brides never know until their wedding day. Since I'm married myself and am a wedding planner, I have tons of ideas, but I could always use more.

Here's one of mine: No one tells the bride that she will see less of her own wedding than anything else. Traditionally, as the bride, you are the last one in and the first one out. You miss the processional and recessional. Be prepared to feel a bit weird about it and even if you don't hire a videographer, it's nice to have someone capture it all on film.

What about you? Did anything completely surprise you on your wedding day? Or in the planning process? Or even after the wedding?

*Diane*

08-01-2007, 08:50 PM

I would advise a bride that she shouldn't be disappointed if no one else is quite as excited or obsessed about every single detail as she is. There are rare exceptions but she shouldn't take it personally. It doesn't mean they don't care. She should find an online resource to encourage her creative process.

Be prepared for post wedding letdown. The more involved the bride was in planning, the more likely she will be at loose ends after the wedding.

Don't pick your wedding party the day you get engaged.

Money does not dictate the beauty of the wedding. The love and support of the people attending give their own aura to the ceremony and reception.

::Amanda::

08-01-2007, 09:12 PM

Don't pick your wedding party the day you get engaged.

Amen to that!

Don't get upset about the small mistakes... you'll look back and laugh at them later.

Weddingplans

08-01-2007, 09:19 PM

I don't have much to contribute, as I am not yet married...but just wanted to make sure of something. I didn't know if you knew or not that there is actually already a book called "What no one tells the bride", though it does also have a subtitle, I believe. I have it.

But good luck on your book, I would read it if I was still engaged by the time it was printed, but probably won't happen. :hehe:

Angela

08-02-2007, 06:56 AM

I have to agree with what Diane said.

Expect that you will have at least ONE Bridesmaidzilla to deal with who believes that she should have a say in everything that goes on.

I know everyone always says it, but delgate things you don't mind having other people do for you. However, if someone offers to do something and you're not comfortable with it, then decline. Politely.

You WILL NOT get every single RSVP back from people. You WILL have to make phone calls and talk to people who will say "oh, well you KNOW I'm coming" or "Oh, I'm not coming, so I didn't think I needed to send it back." Just be polite and then go :banghead: when you get off the phone with them.

Aurora_K

08-02-2007, 08:04 AM

I didn't know if you knew or not that there is actually already a book called "What no one tells the bride", though it does also have a subtitle, I believe. I have it.

I had no idea! I can't believe I've never run across it! Well, it's off to the library with me!

ETA: Oh wait, I just found it on amazon. It looks like it's more about the surprises you face as a married woman, more than the surprises at the wedding. I think I'm in the clear . . . but i do have to find a new title. Bummer.

*meghan*

08-02-2007, 11:01 AM

Be prepared for post wedding letdown. The more involved the bride was in planning, the more likely she will be at loose ends after the wedding.

Oh yes....it happens. I spent 9 months planning the wedding of my dreams, and afterwards, I felt like I had nothing to do anymore!

I know everyone always says it, but delgate things you don't mind having other people do for you. However, if someone offers to do something and you're not comfortable with it, then decline. Politely.

You WILL NOT get every single RSVP back from people. You WILL have to make phone calls and talk to people who will say "oh, well you KNOW I'm coming" or "Oh, I'm not coming, so I didn't think I needed to send it back." Just be polite and then go :banghead: when you get off the phone with them.

Yes, yes, and yes!!! Get help with anything you can relinquish control of - you'll be less stressed about it later on. My mother put together every single program, and it was about 2 hours worth of work that I didn't have to do.

"RSVP - what's that? You mean I'm supposed to mail this card with the cute stamp on it back to you?"

*Ashley*

08-03-2007, 08:23 AM

Stay on top of your thank you notes. You'll have a ton after the wedding, but if you can get some done beforehand, it will help loads.

Aurora_K

08-03-2007, 08:53 AM

This is such a big help. Some of these things I hadn't thought of yet. Everyone has a different experience!

Katnye

08-03-2007, 11:09 AM

Try to not take it personally when people can't come to your wedding ("try", because it's easier said than done). I think just about every bride has the time where she receives a lot of "No" rsvps and gets discouraged. Although it's the most important day in the life of you and your DH, remember that other people have things going on in their own lives that may conflict.

Create your registry carefully. Try to include gifts at a variety of prices and at convenient stores. Also, think to yourselves, do we really need all of these things? You could end up with a million and a half cooking spoons (I speak from experience...lol)

Jaci

08-04-2007, 09:25 PM

nikkiana

08-04-2007, 10:43 PM

Don't be afraid to take on some DIY projects if you are crafty, BUT, don't take on too many either!

For your DIY projects, if there is a short cut, TAKE IT! For instance, if you are making your own invites, and there is some cutting involved, get your measurements and bring the invites to your local print shop (Kinkos, Sir Speedy) and have them cut them for you, it saves so much time (I've heard up to eight hours!) for minimal cost (about $1 a cut). You can even take it further by having the shop print them for you.

I wish I'd thought to do that! :laugh3: Seriously, didn't even occur to me that I could until now..... A year too late, I guess.

My advice...

I was afraid to ask anything of my wedding party because I didn't want to be bridezilla.... I regret that because I ended up being dissapointed because I was expecting stuff that my bridesmaids didn't even know about. Don't be afraid to give bridesmaids a list of duties. I assumed my bridesmaids knew how to be bridesmaids and knew they were responsible for things like the shower and batchelorette party. As it turned out, neither of them had any idea. I only had a shower because my mother intervened and facilitated it for them.... and I was very disappointed by the fact I never got a batchelorette party.

Don't be afraid to get up and mingle at your wedding while your guests are eating! At my wedding, bridal party was served a plated dinner while everyone else did buffet style, meaning we were through our food really fast compared to everyone else. I was afraid I was going to interrupt people while they were eating so I just sat at the head table the whole time.... BORED! and then by the time everyone was done eating, the reception was more than half over and I didn't get to talk to anyone. :-(

Don't assume that you'll want to be alone with your hubby after the big day just because everyone says you will. After the reception was over, all I wanted to was to get our cousins together and go out drinking or just hang out somewhere casual.... but the plans we'd made before hand was to got to a B&B for the night... we went straight to the B&B after the reception, and I spent the entire time there depressed because I felt like I hadn't spent time with anyone. I barely slept the entire night and by 6 AM, I was begging to go home and sleep in my own bed and be around home so I could be with my family. I wish we hadn't wasted the money on the B&B.

Angela

08-05-2007, 10:04 AM

Another thing someone had told me was that we wouldn't have fun at our wedding, because you need to walk around and mingle and whatnot. We did a receiving line at church so we could thank everyone for coming, and that was it. I spent the rest of the night dancing and partying, because that's what I had wanted to do. Yes, we had some guests that hadn't bothered to come to the church, but if they wanted to talk to us, they came up to us at the reception. I refused to go to them, since they only cared about going to the free party.

jillian

08-08-2007, 09:56 AM

Listen to any advice your recently married friends give you even if you think it's foolish or that they are trying to tell you what to do. They have the been there, done that, made those mistakes experience.

ginny

08-08-2007, 12:04 PM

Sk8ermaiden

08-08-2007, 12:24 PM

I thought of this one the other day. That even if you have all the invites done and sent out there will always be a few more people that your parents or future in laws want to invite so you should always make more than you would need.

Ha ha ha! Yeah, I can second that, although in our case a "few" would have been 15 invitations over the 10 extra I'd already made. :rolleyes:

I really like this thread. I hope all the girls will contribute - especially those already married!

lalalola

08-08-2007, 02:18 PM

Bring some powder along for your photoshoot, especially if it is hot out becuase you will get shine!

::Amanda::

08-08-2007, 02:23 PM

Bring some powder along for your photoshoot, especially if it is hot out becuase you will get shine!

I wish I would have known this one. My face is shiny in a lot of my pics.

*Diane*

08-08-2007, 02:49 PM

You could name your book, "What Other Brides Want You To Know". They should know that some grooms care about every detail of the planning. Some just want to show up and get married. The level of involvement is not a measure of their love for the bride. If they don't show up on the day of the wedding, well...I would say that is a sure measure.

~Tala~

08-08-2007, 03:22 PM

Hmmmm...my advice?

I'd say to remember that it is YOUR wedding, YOUR special day and don't let someone else tell you what you need to do in terms of your special day! Plan it how you want because hopefully you will only get the chance to do so once.

Remember that the guests will want to be where the bride and groom are. If you want your guests out on the dance floor having a good time...you need to be out there too! I was given this piece of advice and I'm not a big dancer in front of a large group of people.. BUT, my DH and I hung out dancing all night and so were all of our guests! It really works!

And like others have said, enjoy your day. Don't stress about the little details, you may not even notice them because you'll be busy with other things! The day will fly by!!

Candy

08-08-2007, 07:27 PM

Advice for after you are married - 1) be prepared to memorize your hubby's SS number when you change over to his work's insurance plan and for him to have no idea about the insurance you have, 2) anytime you are out with coworkers and friends and decide you just don't want any alcohol to drink that they will assume you are pregnant or trying to be (happened to me the first time this weekend)

Candy

Trinia

08-11-2007, 12:35 AM

Don't be afraid to ask your photographer to get some shots that you want done.

If you want to take your pictures and see each other before the wedding then do so.. Just because something is tradition doesn't mean you have to follow it.

Some people just don't read. You will get the people who have received the invitation in the mail and they will still ask you when they see you "What day is the wedding again?" Or "What time is it at and where?".. This also goes along with it isn't the most important thing in the world to them.

Don't be afraid to tell your hairdresser if you do not like your hair. They will not be offended it is their job!
This is your wedding day and you shouldn't have to look at your pictures for the rest of your life and think "I wish I had told my hairdresser I didn't like how my hair turned out"

You will say Thank you a million times throughout the day and feel like a broken record while saying it!

Aurora_K

08-11-2007, 08:30 AM

Trinia

08-11-2007, 01:52 PM

Wearing a veil? You are going to get hugged. A LOT. sometimes people may accidentally pull down on the veil causing it to come out and wreck your hair to avoid this just pull your veil to the side before a hug :)

::Amanda::

08-11-2007, 02:29 PM

Here's another from me: You will never have smiled so much in your life. In fact, you face may even start to hurt a little. I am naturally a smiley person. I smile at everything . . . but I was not prepared for the smiling on my wedding day!

ITA! I had a little mark on the side of my mouth... like where a little wrinkle is when I smile. It was like an indentation for a few days bc I had smiled so much that day. And my face was sore... but it was totally worth it.

::Amanda::

08-11-2007, 02:32 PM

Jaci

08-11-2007, 04:03 PM

MsJessica07

08-12-2007, 12:27 AM

This is a tip I've been using, although I'm not sure how it will work out for us yet.

When we started making our to-do list once we got home (three months before the wedding) I top-loaded it, meaning we had a bunch of stuff on each day during June and July, but hardly anything in August. There were the few things that had to get done in June and July, but now we're in August, and though I had to redo the list since we moved and lost about a week of planning time, I'm okay because I only had two things for this week and nothing for next week anyway. I really don't want to be one of those girls who's running around the day before her wedding (I had a nightmare about that!)because it will make me so unhappy on the day, so I'm making my lists top heavy so that I will get things done beforehand!

Aurora_K

08-12-2007, 09:32 AM

I don't think this advice has been given in this thread yet... I know Jaci posted it but I don't think it was in this thread...
If you're going to have disposable cameras on the table, don't get the cheapest ones you can find. Spend the extra money on the name brand ones. The cheap ones turn out very poorly, if they turn out at all.

Similarly, if you're going to get them, you may want to consider some sort of note directing people to use the camera to take pictures of the guests at that table. A friend of mine used these cameras and ended up with a million pictures of her first dance, cake cutting, bouquet toss, etc. She felt like it was a waste because her photographer got all of those shots. She wanted pictures of her guests.

Aurora_K

08-12-2007, 09:34 AM

P.S. You girls are the best!! I'm getting the book started and once I have all my topics in order, I'm going to be asking for specific wedding stories that go along with the topics. I can't thank you all enough for the help!!

Dmsangel

08-13-2007, 07:47 PM

Trin... that's a GREAT tip about the veil!

lalalola

08-13-2007, 08:21 PM

If you do do the disposable camera thing, instead of getting them all printed, put them onto disk (for way less than 1/2 price) and then you can filter through the good and the bad and print up what is needed.

I also had a few people (like my grandpa) walk off with the camera's. It would have been smart to leave a llittle note beside the camera to tell everyone what it is for.

Trinia

08-13-2007, 08:22 PM

:lol: People swiped your camera's!!! Never heard of that happening before!

lalalola

08-13-2007, 08:25 PM

My grandpa thought he could have it, so he got it developed too. My grandma gave him sh$t though!

Trinia

08-13-2007, 08:49 PM

Did he give you the pictures from it or keep them?

Mandy

08-13-2007, 09:28 PM

Choose your BP wisely. Just because someone used to be your best friend or happens to be a relative, it doesn't give them an automatic green card into such important roles. It's important to be able to trust and rely on these people, and if you don't have that connection, you'll end up paying the price later.

I wish I had saved myself the trouble in advance. Our wedding was a complete mess and eSIL had a HUGE part in that. Every picture of her is her grimmicing or obviously fake smiling. I can't take those memories back, and looking at those pictures is so hard. I wish would've known that...

Rosebud

08-16-2007, 12:10 PM

Similarly, if you're going to get them, you may want to consider some sort of note directing people to use the camera to take pictures of the guests at that table. A friend of mine used these cameras and ended up with a million pictures of her first dance, cake cutting, bouquet toss, etc. She felt like it was a waste because her photographer got all of those shots. She wanted pictures of her guests.

Excellent point. Pictures of guests are great. Pictures of guests eating - not so great. LOL

PrairieDawn

09-14-2007, 03:25 PM

If you LOVE your dress -- or anything else -- don't show it to or discuss it with anyone who has a history of opposing your ideas. It is guaranteed that with the emotions of the wedding this person will challenge you again and you may start second-guessing your choices.

Prioritize your budget based on what is important TO YOU and your FH and the memories you want to make. Don't be stuck on the budget guides on the net and in magazines, they are guidelines. If flowers aren't important to you, but food is, skimp on one to pump-up the budget for the other.

No matter what, don't skimp on the photographer. You only get one shot at your wedding day pics.

If you will have DIY flowers, ensure you have an entire empty fridge to store them in.

Schedule LOTS of time for the salon; a lot of brides go overtime and run late.

Add quick snacks like nuts, dried fruit, jerky or granola bars to your emergency kit. (We had no time for lunch after the salon and my flower girl daugher almost passed out.)

Have a helper bring snacks to the salon or "getting ready area".

Tidy the "getting ready area" the day before, whether at someone's home or a room at the ceremony location, because it will probably be a spot where a lot of photos are taken. (I got dressed in the choir room at the church and it was a mess.)

Prepare cheques in advance and have a parent or attendant hold the payment envelopes for you for distribution on your wedding day. Better yet, pay before the wedding or arange to take care of payments in the days to follow.

I you have a buffet, ask a helper to NICELY watch the young kids who may fill their plates with brownies instead of beef. (My daughter was sick after "dinner").

Ask a bridesmaid to defend your plate should well-meaning servers want to take it away; you may be too busy to eat on-schedule, but you should be able to taste your wedding meal... even if its cold.

Eat BEFORE indulging at the bar.

Hire a maid to tidy your home for when you return from the wedding or honeymoon; in the last days you WILL get behind on housework and it will be nice to come home to a clean house.

Hire someone to help you care for your pets on the days before and of your wedding. You'll get behind on that, too.

Remember to spend as much -- or more -- energy preparing for marriage as you do for the wedding

...Pam

Sk8ermaiden

10-07-2007, 10:06 AM

No matter how many times you say you want the party to last all night, you will be totally exhausted and ready for bed by the end (no matter how much fun you're having.)

DIY projects slated for the last couple days before the wedding are iffy at best. You never know what can happen that will put you behind. *coughstrepcough*

Above all, just have fun on your wedding day. If you and your groom are smiling and happy, everyone else will be too.