NOT doing a unity candle

[stephjhudson]

I want to know who did NOT do a unity candle, and why?

I'm thinking about not doing one...just looking for opinions

[Jaime]

I did not do one because we were married outside, and because I personally believe that the mere fact that we are getting married pretty much sums up the whole unity thing :lol:

But that was my opinion :dontknow:

[jillian]

I didn't.

At first it was because I thought the mothers had to light it and I wasn't going to have my stepmother light it! No way. By the time I figured out that anybody could light it, I was used to the idea of not having one. Plus I saved $$ not buying the candles, candle holders, and a table.

[~*Kate*~]

Same as Jaime-- we were outside, so it didn't seem like a good idea. Plus we didn't want a long ceremony, but I wanted my sister to sing and a friend to do a reading, so we cut everything else extraneous. We still wanted to recognize the parents though, so my mom and dad both escorted me down the aisle, and DH walked in (down the aisle at the very beginning of the ceremony) with both of his parents.

[Trinia]

I didn't, I hadn't even heard of them until MLW and never intended on doing one.

I did however do a sand ceremony and only because I thought it was wicked cool.

[Dmsangel]

We're not, mostly because it's outside.

[Jaime]

I actually like the sand cermony idea. I was already married when I first saw one, that might have been the only unity display that would have convinced me to have it :lol:

[stephjhudson]

okay, good, thanks for making me feel better

we are getting married in a church, however, our church doesnt like them because they have nothing to do with the wedding ceremony as far as the church goes. joe and i didnt really care either way, and it added another song to our already long mass wedding, so we decided against it, but i thought my MOH was going to kill me.

oh well....

[Jaime]

I've been to lots of weddings where they didn't have one, it is no big deal :D

[jillian]

Yeah, you'll still be married at the end of the ceremony.

[Sk8ermaiden]

We're not having one because I'm pretty sure the whole "two becoming one" thing is covered in the vows. I never liked the idea of all these extra "ceremonies".

[dolface546]

We aren't, I'd never heard of it (or sand ceremonies) until I started going to my friend's weddings. At one friend's wedding she forgot about it and was like "where are we going?" when they walked to the candle!

[Jaci]

It seemed like everyone was doing them, but it just didn't appeal to us. We did do a handfasting ceremony however.

[Sk8ermaiden]

:nod:
I have been to probably 20 church weddings in my lifetime (huge family) and I have only seen the unity candle thing in the past three years or so. I don't know where it came from but I don't think it's a tradition that goes very far back.

My mom said it started in the '70s. She had one at her first wedding.

[Maria 05]

We had one but we had to get premission from the priest as it is not a Catholic tradition. I didnt know that because here it is just part and parcel. Dont feel bad for not doing it its not required.

[*Sarah*]

We didn't. It felt like one of those things you do just because you're "supposed to" and it didn't hold a lot of meaning for us. Our ceremony was also outside so that pretty much cemented the decision for us.

We did the hand ceremony as that was more meaningful and fitting for us.

[nikkiscott]

We never done any of the unity candle or sand ceremony. Just cause we wanted to keep it simple. Plus I saved a lot of money, and what a waste afterwards. What do you do with the candle, you can't resell it?? And who is going to take time to seperate the sand?? Just a waste. Thats my opinion anyways.

[Raychel]

^^Umm Nikki, why would you separate the sand? :giggle: I think the whole point it to keep it all and display it somewhere. I displayed our candle on our Foundations unity candle holder with pictures are stuff. It is something that if you are going to do, I don't know why you would want to resell it b/c is more personal I guess...IMO.

[jillian]

And who is going to take time to separate the sand?? Just a waste. Thats my opinion anyways.:laugh3: Nikki you are too funny.

[*Ashley*]

We didn't. Our church doesn't encourage it, and it wasn't important to me. It seems sort of cheesy, to me. I don't know, I don't mean that offensively to anyone else, it's just a personal opinion :)

[PrairieDawn]

We're not having one because I'm pretty sure the whole "two becoming one" thing is covered in the vows. I never liked the idea of all these extra "ceremonies".

This was our priest's feeling, too. She talked with us about our Anglican ceremony and the symbolism of her wrapping her stole around our hands and blessing us at the end. The two of us became one and with God. The candle, handfasting, or hand ceremony would have been redundant. I appreciated our ceremony more and felt that nothing was lacking after talking with our priest about it.

I can see that couples who have very simple church ceremonies, want to include more secular elements or who are not having religious ceremonies might really want to add something like the unity candle.

...and what a waste afterwards. What do you do with the candle, you can't resell it?

I did have a unity candle for my first wedding. It was a nice way to include the moms in the ceremony. They lit the family tapers -- not that there aren't other ways to include them -- and my husband and I re-lit the unity candle for each of our anniversarries. So I can argue both sides of this.


...Pam

[km]

the unity candle is symbolism, so most churches ask if your going to have one, it is not really something you have to have unless you want it...
:wavey:

[septbride]

We didn't have one either. No specific reason. I searched high and low for the perfect one. Our priest didn't recommend having one. So at that time we decided not to, and it saved us money!

[Raychel]

I totally get that the "two becoming one" thing is covered in the vows...isn't that the whole point of them anyways? :giggle: For me, I am big on visual things. So visual representation of that was a beautiful part of our ceremony to me.

[jesmendi]

This was our priest's feeling, too. She talked with us about our Anglican ceremony and the symbolism of her wrapping her stole around our hands and blessing us at the end. The two of us became one and with God. The candle, handfasting, or hand ceremony would have been redundant. I appreciated our ceremony more and felt that nothing was lacking after talking with our priest about it.

I can see that couples who have very simple church ceremonies, want to include more secular elements or who are not having religious ceremonies might really want to add something like the unity candle.



I did have a unity candle for my first wedding. It was a nice way to include the moms in the ceremony. They lit the family tapers -- not that there aren't other ways to include them -- and my husband and I re-lit the unity candle for each of our anniversarries. So I can argue both sides of this.


...Pam


Ahh...thank you for reminding me of the hand fasting...I love that part of the ceremony...I can't believe that I forgot that part... and I've been an acolyte in like twelve Episcopal weddings...I suck

[thefuturemrsgoss]

I'm not doing one. I have said this ever since me and FH started dating, and now they just seem like a bit of a waste? I guess you could say. My wedding will be in December at night tho, so we'll have LOTS of candles... Just no unity candle.

[carolinalady67]

I always think it is funny when old threads pop up I totally missed the first time around :teehee:

We didn't do a unity candle. I didn't have much interest in doing it in general, but we were outside so that was one reason not to. And also with DHs disability he can't hold a candle so that ruled it out for us too.

We did the rose ceremony instead. I think it is a beautiful ceremony and like that it is something that continues into the marriage. I have our roses from the wedding in the shadow box of other stuff from the wedding. But I'm going to dry the roses from each of our anniversaries and save them in a clear glass container I have.

[jillian]

The were no open flames at my venue anyway. Our hurricanes had to extend two inches above the flame. How arkward would that be.

[*Diane*]

My company's next wedding is a Catholic wedding. The priest does not encourage unity candles. He will do them if the couple feels strongly about them. They have opted not to do it because Father Anthony said it doesn't accomplish anything that hasn't already been said in the ceremony.