Grrr, my mother!

[*alissa*]

So my mom has done nothing but put me and DH down scince before teh wedding. We have put up with it, being grateful for all my parents have done for us. She has told me that if I didn't come to church every Wed. and Sun. that my marriage would fail. She is always down on DH, that he talks too much, he has a temper, he is lazy, he doesn't know how to do anything, he purposely lost his job.... GRRRRR! For those of you who may have missed the situation w/DH'S job, here it is: For about a month in June he was having strange episodes where the right side of his body would go completly numb, and he couldn't move it. Well, the last time it happened, he was at work. They told him he had to go to the ER, and get checked out before he could come back. So he did, thinking they'd clear him, but they didn't. It turned out he was having focal point seizures, and had to undergo some tests befoe they would think about a time line for him to go back to work. Well, his tests came out normal (thank God) but they wouldn't clear him for work with machinary for another 2 1/2 months. Well, his work told him that his leave would be longer than his lenght of emploment, and they had to let him go. Which doesn't make sense, because he worked there for 5 months, and his leave would only have been for three total...but anyway! How is any of that HIS fault? Plus, she thinks I am mean to my kids! I AM NOT MEAN TO MY CHILDREN! I don't think expecting them to pick up after themselves, and stop trashing the house every chance they get, and to at least TRY in school is being MEAN!
Anyway, so she calls today to ask why i didn't go to church yesterda. I tols her because I didn't want to. She gets all high and mighty on me and starts preaching to me. I am so sick of her trying to run my life! I swear, it's like everything I do has to meet her approval, or I am not doing right.
Anyway......now that I have ranted...what do you all think? Think I am right, or am I to hard on her?

[Deidre98]

Personally, I don't think you are out of line. If you don't want to go to church, then don't go. You don't have to go to church to believe in God and be a good person. Stick to your guns and tell your mom that she needs to quit harping on you. You are a grown woman with a family of your own and you will take care of your family the way you see fit. She already had her opportunity at raising her family, it's now your turn and her time to sit back, and relax. Good Luck! If you ever need to chat, I am here. :hug99:

[Poloke]

ITA w/ Deidre98 100%.

It does sound like your mom wanted to control you for some reason. You are a grown woman, married with children and do not need to explain yourself to your mother for anything.

[Krissy]

Stick up for yourself woman!

[*alissa*]

Thanks, girls. I guess I have just LET her do this to me for so long, I feel bad NOT letting her. The thing that REALLY makes me mad is the telling me my marriage is doomed, and teling me we aren't good parents. For one thing, neither DH nor I would have gotten married if we didn't want to make it work, and sure we have arguments, but they really are few and far between, and for the most part, we are able to talk them out. I think that is pretty damn good.
Plus, we love the kids very much. We always think of the kids first. We try to do everything we can for them, and I really don't think trying to teach them a bit of resposability is being MEAN. I mean really, last week I was pretty sick w/ my Chron's again, and they, instead of being MORE careful to not make messes, took adavantage of the fact that I couldn't really do much about it. So yeah, I grounded them from the gamecube, and cartoons, and playing outside with their friends, for a whole DAY. Big deal. But maybe next time I get sick they will think twice before taking advantage of it, ya know? What kills me the most is she always says, well, I wouldn't let them trash MY house that way, but gets mad if I do anything about it. :confused:
Thanks for leting me rant, I feel better now (again).

[*Diane*]

She will continue to abuse your good nature until you tell her- "I am a grown woman. You raised me to make good decisions, right? Then trust me that I am mature enough to make decisions that are right for my life. They may not be what you think is right but you didn't raise a fool." How can she argue with that? :)

[*alissa*]

Diane, I do not think you know my mother, she could and would argue with that! I haven't spoken to her scince Monday.....so I know she is mad...but oh well...DH and I have been less stressed, happier, and talking more to each other these past few days! He even helped me clean almost the whole house today! We are doing late spring cleaning, and he actually helped. He even cooked dinner last night, and it wasn't frozen pizza! So I know he is happier and less stressed scince I stood up to her and told her I was tired of her constant belittling of us.
I love my mom very much....I just can't deal with her. And if she wants it to be all or nothing, I guess it's nothing, because she was causing probs. in our life. I mean for her, if she can't control my life, she wants nothing to do with it! She is the same way with my sis. She never calls her, never visits her, and it's because my sis doesn't live the way she wants her to.