Has this happened to anyone else?

[RDC_girl]

For anyone that doesnt know... Mark and I have been dating for almost 6 years.

I know I love him but I think I am bored. He never wants to do anything and I am sick of sitting at home. It is not as if I am asking him to go dancing with me I am asking him to go for coffee. I understand that he is working lots, but we NEVER do anything. We sit at his house and do nothing.

I have applied to a school that is 12 hours away. I will miss him so much, but I really want to do this for myself. I thought about not going but I know I would regret it for the rest of my life.

I dont know what to do ladies... We have talked about it and are still in the same place.

We never do anything so I never want to go to his house, since I am not going to his house we are not intamite sp?? He thinks I dont love him because I dont touch him (we hug and kiss, thats about it)

I dont know what to do... any advice is welcome

[*Ashley*]

Michael and I went through that a little bit, but not too bad, so I do see what you're saying. It was me not wanting to go out, but it was due to exhaustion from work and wedding planning. Working 8+ hours a day then having to deal with other crap takes it out of you.

Good for you on school!

Have you talked to him about it? Maybe work is just really busy right now, but will lighten up and the two of you can get back to being a couple?

Maybe it's just an itch. Everyone has them!

[angie]

Since Mark never wants to do anything, I can't help but think he's either: a) depressed or b) He works too much and is just exhausted. He doesn't have the energy to go anywhere.

How many hours does he work? How does he feel about you going to school so far away?

[SueMartin]

I think that after 6 years you have to do what is right for you... and if that is going away to school then go.. as for mark, maybe he is tired and working a lot, but there is more to life than work..

[hellobethie]

FWIW I think that you have to do what's best for you. And if school is what's best for you then I think that is what you need to do it.

I also think that absence could make the heart grow fonder, or at least more willing to go out and make an effort and you need to find that out, I don't think it will be easy, but long term it's the way to go.

Good luck. I am sure you can do it!

[Cindy]

If your education is something YOU want to pursue, then DO it. You have to do what is best for you, and I hope that Mark will understand that and miss you as much as you will miss him. I hope this comes out right.... you have to be your own person just as much (if not more than) as being with him.

[Krissy]

You can't put your life on hold for him.

[Cindy]

Exactly. Krissy, I just couldn't get the words right! :gaah:

[Winter_Bride]

You're getting some great advice. I don't know what else to say, but I agree with Beth - you can't put your life on hold for him.

[RDC_girl]

Thank you all for posting.

Mark and I have talked about the schooling, he is upset that I have to move but supports my decision.

He is working insane hours and I understand that he is tired but it isnt like I am asking him to go dancing, I am asking him to go for coffee and i would drive.

I think there is a little bit of an itch.This past year I have seen many friends get married or engaged that have been dating 1/2 as long as mark and I. It has been a rough year, thank goodness it is almost over

[jillian]

When you feel like going out don't ask him, go out with your friends instead.

[BrightEyes]

You can't put your life on hold for him.

+1

[RDC_girl]

I would never put my life on hold for anyone...

Things are getting better, we are talking more and we are trying to understand eachothers position.

He asked me the other night if I would still go if I was married... I told him I couldnt answer that because it is not a factor...

[~*Kate*~]

Would you still go if you were married? (That's not a loaded question-- I was just wondering. :))

[PrairieDawn]

I do think there is a difference between being married and being in a long-term, committed relationship.

As a married person, I would never make a significant life decision that my spouse wasn't also enthusiastic about. It might take a lot of wangling, a lot of asking "what would it take for you to be excited about this, too?", but I wouldn't go away to school, for example, if my husband didn't think it was best for us.

That said, you aren't married. And, I don't think you are even engaged. Why would you make a regretable decision for a man who can't even agree that you should be married?

I agree that there is something else going on with your boyfriend. A health problem, depression, fatigue, or another interest that is taking priority over your relationship. Talk, talk, talk about that. And that doesn't mean nag, nag, nag. ;-)

But don't put your life on a shelf. If its right, it'll be right when you are done school.


...Pam

[*Diane*]

Glad you asked it, Kate, because I was going to.

My Markie doesn't mind being in a rut. He will sit in front of the TV night after night and be completely happy. Sometimes our intimate relationship suffers because of that.

I always have to have some plans in the works. I might spend night after night at my computer but I am working on something for the future. If I don't have something to look forward to, then I get depressed.

The good news is that Markie is very receptive to breaking out of his rut. He just doesn't do it without being led. Maybe your Mark is the same way? He needs you to remind him that there are some fun things out there waiting on him, he needs to get out and experience them.

[jillian]

We still go out without each other. I'm more of the homebody/responsible one so there are times I tell him to go out without me.

[*Ashley*]

I'm the same way Jillian. Michael does/has gone out without me, though I hate to miss anything interesting so I normally go, LOL. We compromise by just staying in one night of the weekend, out the next. It works well for us.

Pam gave *great* advice. I couldn't have summed it up better than she did.

[BrightEyes]

I also echo Pam.

Bart goes through ruts but usually seems fine on the outside and still goes out- i just can tell he is a little quieter or withdrawn. I offer to help and many times he has to get himself out of it as much as me helping and supporting him.

[RDC_girl]

Would you still go if you were married? (That's not a loaded question-- I was just wondering. :))

I would have to think about it more if we were married. I think I would still go as long as we both agreed.

That said, you aren't married. And, I don't think you are even enganged. Why would you make a regretable decision for a man who can't even agree that you should be married?

I agree that there is something else going on with your boyfriend. A health problem, depression, fatigue, or another interest that is taking priority over your relationship. Talk, talk, talk about that. And that doesn't mean nag, nag, nag. ;-)


You are right, we are not married, or engaged for that matter. It is not a matter of not agreeing that we should be married, it is a matter of it hasnt happened yet. I know he thinks about getting married and not as a fact of "it might happen" it is now "it will happen, just dont know when"

I'm the same way Jillian. Michael does/has gone out without me, though I hate to miss anything interesting so I normally go, LOL. We compromise by just staying in one night of the weekend, out the next. It works well for us.

I dont mind if he goes out with his friends, actually I am happy that he goes out with his friends. He is depressed with living at home and wants to move out! I would like to be invited. lol. He does invite me most times, but normally I am working one of my jobs lol

Thank you everyone for the responses. mark and I are doing good. We have talked, talked, and talked some more :) Things are back on track :jump4joy:

[PrairieDawn]

Good to hear that things are on track between the two of you. Its amazing what good communication can do. :nod:

He will sit in front of the TV night after night and be completely happy. Sometimes our intimate relationship suffers because of that. ... If I don't have something to look forward to, then I get depressed.
Diane? Are you married to my hubby? Are you really me? :jawdrop:


...Pam

[*Diane*]

Jillian, I am glad that you guys were able to work this out. Being able to really communicate is a huge bonus- it makes all the difference.

Pam, why do you think I am addicted to wedding planning? :hehe: Kinda like you, huh? :giggle:

[RDC_girl]

Jillian, you having problems too?

Diane my name is Tammy :heee:

[*Diane*]

Oh lord, I knew that! I have been having major brainclouds since Biz's wedding. It is like all my brainpower was used up and now has to regenerate. Please forgive me! :bolt:

[RDC_girl]

No worries :)