KelciAlexandra
11-15-2007, 11:02 PM
background: i have a co-worker/ friend that i have known for 3 years (2 years before i met fh), he is a personal trainer at the gym where im a secretary at and he is also a part time stripper to earn money to pay for college but this is a recent development (within the last 6 months). we also live in the same dorm building (he lives 2 floors above) and run into eachother at school events, ect. we have a very good FRIENDSHIP where we mainly talk while at work or at random run ins. there has been NO sexual attention or attraction at either end at all during our entire friendship
problem #1: fh doesnt like this friend. he has met him several times and knows about his night time work (stripping), because i interact on a weekly (not even on a daily) basis with this friend, i tell fh about it... while im telling him about my day i include this friend in my conversation because my interaction is part of what happened during my day...
problem #2: fh doesnt want me talking about this friend... it is kind of hard for me NOT to talk about this friend and when i do i limit it because i know fh doesnt like me to talk about him too much... i dont outright bring him up in discussions but like i said before, when im telling fh about my day and i happened to run into my friend, i will tell fh... theres no point in hiding it, and i dont go on and on about it (i maybe mention his name once or twice a week, usually after we work together)
problem #3: fh told me that he would feel uncomfortable if i hung out with this friend and didnt tell him... WTF first he doesnt want me to talk about him and then he says that he'll feel hurt like im hiding something from him if i dont
problem #4: fh SAYS that he doesnt want me to stop hanging out with or talking with this friend (which would be impossible because we work and almost live together) but that he doesnt like it that i do talk and hang out with him
problem #5: fh says that i would feel the same way he does right now about this situation if he were friends with a stripper (it ALWAYS comes back to the part where my friend is a stripper)... i told fh that yes if he became friends with a stripper it would bother me, but if a friend that he already had became a stripper i would not have a problem with it
MY PROBLEM WITH THIS: it feels almost like fh is indirectly accusing me of cheating (i dont know whether he thinks im physically cheating or emotionally cheating) but im not... i didnt even realize that there might be a problem until tonight when fh got mad that im "always" talking about this friend... he accuses me of talking about him non stop which i dont... like i said i might bring up him name (usually with other peoples names too) maybe once or twice a week... i dont think thats unusual since we work together and live in the same building and go to the same college... i do not believe that this should have this big of an impact on mine and fh's relationship and i personally believe that fh is overreacting (especially since he's met the guy and everytime i run into my friend he always tells me to tell fh hi for him, or asks how fh is doing, ect)... im not oblivious to people coming on to me or trying to make a move on me and i can definitly tell that my friend is NOT doing that and i tell fh but he just wont believe me... one of the main things that me and fh discussed and decided on when we first started going out was that we would not give up our friends if the other didnt like them unless they were directly harming our relationship (he already stopped talking to one friend because she tried to break us up)... i dont believe that this friend is doing any direct harm to mine and fh's relationship and im scared that if i give up this friendship that it lets fh think that i will give up every friendship if he doesnt like the person (i very much believe that you need a social like outside of your romantic relationship so that you continue to grow as a person)
i know ive written a lot and most of it is rambling but i guess what im really trying to get across is that i think this is an imaginary threat that fh is making up in his head and i dont want to lose this friendship over his dislike of the guy (fh has plenty of friends that i dont like, but as long as they dont hurt our relationship im not going to make a big deal out of it because of my personal opinion)... i just want to find a way that fh can live with me having guy friends in general (because i know if we dont take care of this now it will come up later on down the road)
so any advise, opinions, ect are welcome... i might not agree or go those routes but i want to know whats out there and im willing to listen
problem #1: fh doesnt like this friend. he has met him several times and knows about his night time work (stripping), because i interact on a weekly (not even on a daily) basis with this friend, i tell fh about it... while im telling him about my day i include this friend in my conversation because my interaction is part of what happened during my day...
problem #2: fh doesnt want me talking about this friend... it is kind of hard for me NOT to talk about this friend and when i do i limit it because i know fh doesnt like me to talk about him too much... i dont outright bring him up in discussions but like i said before, when im telling fh about my day and i happened to run into my friend, i will tell fh... theres no point in hiding it, and i dont go on and on about it (i maybe mention his name once or twice a week, usually after we work together)
problem #3: fh told me that he would feel uncomfortable if i hung out with this friend and didnt tell him... WTF first he doesnt want me to talk about him and then he says that he'll feel hurt like im hiding something from him if i dont
problem #4: fh SAYS that he doesnt want me to stop hanging out with or talking with this friend (which would be impossible because we work and almost live together) but that he doesnt like it that i do talk and hang out with him
problem #5: fh says that i would feel the same way he does right now about this situation if he were friends with a stripper (it ALWAYS comes back to the part where my friend is a stripper)... i told fh that yes if he became friends with a stripper it would bother me, but if a friend that he already had became a stripper i would not have a problem with it
MY PROBLEM WITH THIS: it feels almost like fh is indirectly accusing me of cheating (i dont know whether he thinks im physically cheating or emotionally cheating) but im not... i didnt even realize that there might be a problem until tonight when fh got mad that im "always" talking about this friend... he accuses me of talking about him non stop which i dont... like i said i might bring up him name (usually with other peoples names too) maybe once or twice a week... i dont think thats unusual since we work together and live in the same building and go to the same college... i do not believe that this should have this big of an impact on mine and fh's relationship and i personally believe that fh is overreacting (especially since he's met the guy and everytime i run into my friend he always tells me to tell fh hi for him, or asks how fh is doing, ect)... im not oblivious to people coming on to me or trying to make a move on me and i can definitly tell that my friend is NOT doing that and i tell fh but he just wont believe me... one of the main things that me and fh discussed and decided on when we first started going out was that we would not give up our friends if the other didnt like them unless they were directly harming our relationship (he already stopped talking to one friend because she tried to break us up)... i dont believe that this friend is doing any direct harm to mine and fh's relationship and im scared that if i give up this friendship that it lets fh think that i will give up every friendship if he doesnt like the person (i very much believe that you need a social like outside of your romantic relationship so that you continue to grow as a person)
i know ive written a lot and most of it is rambling but i guess what im really trying to get across is that i think this is an imaginary threat that fh is making up in his head and i dont want to lose this friendship over his dislike of the guy (fh has plenty of friends that i dont like, but as long as they dont hurt our relationship im not going to make a big deal out of it because of my personal opinion)... i just want to find a way that fh can live with me having guy friends in general (because i know if we dont take care of this now it will come up later on down the road)
so any advise, opinions, ect are welcome... i might not agree or go those routes but i want to know whats out there and im willing to listen