Co-workers: Invite some or none at all?

[Rosebud]

Is it possible to keep the peace at work by inviting only some co-workers and not all of them?

Barry works in a small school and everyone (teachers, aides, supervisors) all share one room for office space. Many of the employees are related (cousins or by marriage) and overall, its a tight group with it usual female gossipy, cliquey squabbles. He was wanting to invite only a few of the people yet feels that those who aren't invited (the obnoxious ones) will feel slighted and he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings or cause tension. Inviting all of them is out of the question.

Our date is June 7th and the last day of the school year is the 20th. One would assume those who were invited (and attended) will be talking about the wedding the following Monday thus causing the possiblity (and probablility) of the uninvited feeling left out. That could make the last two weeks kinda tense for him.

We'd really like to include these four women and their families as our guests. We don't want the obnoxious ones there. We want to keep the peace. What do we do?

Edited to add - we do not socialize with any of the intended invitees outside of work functions.

[Winter_Bride]

Ultimately it's up to you - is he equally as close with all of the co-workers? Or are the 4 women he wants to invite the ones that he talks to most often, has a close connection to, etc.?

How many co-workers does he work with? Would those uninvited be in the majority?

I wouldn't invite people just so they don't feel left out, but if it would cause drama and you have room on your list, then I would definately consider inviting all.

Does any of that make sense? I feel like I'm rambling!

[lalalola]

Thats a tough one....I opted not to invite everyone from my small office and I did feel bad but got over it quickly. I didn't want people that I didn't like at my wedding.

[Rosebud]

You're not rambling, Erie! Thanks for the quick response.

He works with 15 women, 4 would be invited: his classroom aide, his supervisor, the facility director and one other woman who has done some kind deeds for him.

We do feel it would cause drama (although Barry says thats not HIS problem if people feel slighted), and we have plenty of room.

A few of these women have problems with men and sadly, Barry is the only male at the school. One of the women made it quite clear she didn't want to be his aide and got herself transferred out of his classroom. Another one of the women made a derogatory remark about his height (yeah, he's short) in front of everyone and after getting in trouble for it, she blamed him (what???? for being short???) and didn't speak to him the remainder of the school year. Stupid, really, but they get away with it...what can I say; its a rural school on a reservation.

So obviously, he and I don't want these two women there, along with most of the others. Its such a hard call!

Hi Lacy! Thanks for your response. What did you tell people when they inquired about your wedding, before and after?

[lalalola]

I honestly didn't explain myself cuz I didn't feel the need and if they would have asked I would have just said we were having a smaller wedding and how we wanted a intimate gathering. I talked about the wedding afterward and didn't feel guilty, I even showed pictures!!!

[BASIA]

Hey
In my opinion if you want to invite only 4 than do so. If it was lets say 6 people total and you invited only 4 that would make a difference. But if 11 are not invited than just invite the 4 he is the closes one with (and any bosses that he may have) That is what I did. I only had 5 people (other managers) and not the other 15, becaue I did not have the space! So do as you please and dont worry about other people. Trust me not everyone will care about your wedding as much as You do (I learned it the hard way) and some of these people will actually be happy that you did not invite them and they dont have to come up with an excuse of why they cant come. Of course they will make it look like they are sad that they were not invited but that is just to cause more drama. GOod luck!

[Winter_Bride]

Ok, ESPECIALLY if the women are mean to him, why invite him??? I was thinking you were inviting 4 people out of 6. But if whom you're inviting is the minority, don't give it a second thought!!!

And Lacy said it right - don't explain yourself. It's your wedding!

[Rosebud]

Thank you ladies! You're all so wise. I knew you'd set me right. I tend to forget that this is OUR party and we can do what WE want. For shame those that complain about how we choose to conduct OUR party.

I need to write that out and put it on the wall for the next 6 months. :hehe:

[Winter_Bride]

While you're figuring things out, also remember that you will NEVER make EVERYONE happy with ALL of your plans!!

[Rosebud]

LOL! Truer words were never said. Thanks for reminding me, Erie.

[Kathy]

If it helps, FH is a teacher as well, and only invited his co-teacher (they're the band directors) and high school administrators.

[Rosebud]

It DOES help Kathy - thank you. I'm taking heed of what Eric, Lacy and Basia said too. Its our party, we'll invite who we want. Barry says that when asking for their addresses, he'll mention to keep it on the down low as not everyone is invited. We'll see. Plus, I think these girls have such short attention spans anyway, it will be quickly forgotten.

[angie]

I agree with what Basia said. It makes a lot of sense! I can't imagine all 15 women would expect to be invited anyway and you have to draw the line somewhere.

[~*Kate*~]

Closed at request of OP.