How to be polite, but get my point across...

[Mandy]

My FIL is driving me up the wall. Every single conversation turns to money. He wants to know how much we're making, what we're spending it on, and always offers us unsolicited advice on what we should be doing with it. He even had the balls to tell me that I should pay off all of DH's student loans with my inheritance money from my grandparents (my Noni is still alive and kicking!). I just can't handle it anymore. I've tried talking to DH and he's tried to cut back on the money talk---but his father is relentless.

I've sat quietly for too long now. I need help on how to point out that this conversation is just plain rude, and that I do not want him medling in our finances anymore. I want to be polite about it, but I also want it to be the final word.

I would understand if he was just worried about us making ends meet, but that's not the problem. He's doing it because he's nosey and because he can't seem to stop preaching to anyone. I need this to stop because it's only making things worse for our overall relationship. Please offer any advice on how to make my point. Thanks!!

[*alissa*]

Well...I have been thinking on this for about an hour now...and I really don't know what to say. Hopefully someone can give better advice than me.
As for my advice, I don't know how polite it would be. I guess I would tell him that you and your DH are responsible adults that have your own priorities and ideas on how your money should be spent and that his input really isn't needed or appreciated. (Um, told ya it wouldn't be polite. :lol:)

[Winter_Bride]

Yeah, like Alissa, I'm at a loss! I think that you could say what she suggested in a "polite" way, as in use an even tone, don't sound angry or upset, etc.

You could thank him for his input, but let him know that you an DH are doing quite well managing your finances on your own, and that *IF* you ever have an issue, you understand that FIL is more than willing to offer suggestions, but at this time, you don't need any.

Otherwise you could flat-out refuse to discuss your finances with him - if he asks, you could politely tell him that what you and your husband choose to do with your money is not up for discussion with others. If he persists, you could try to change the subject, or end the conversation altogether. I don't think there's a way to approach this without hurting him in some way.

When does these conversations normally happen? Is there a topic that usually precedes it? Or a certain situation?

I'm so sorry you're going through this! It must be so frustrating!

[Raychel]

I think you should just say that the topic is no longer up for discussion. You can say it in a pleasant tone and get your point across without sounding bitchy or anything.

I guess I agree with Erie, maybe you could just say something like thanks for the advice but right now we're doing great and prefer to keep financial talk between Chad & I. We'll let you know if we need some advice sometime.

[*Ashley*]

Your DH needs to put his foot down. Your finances and what you do with your money is NOBODY'S business -- not even your FIL. Your DH needs to stand up to him. If that doesn't work, do what Raychel said -- tell him your finances are not a dinnertime conversation and no longer up for discussion. His opinion is his opinion and you would prefer he keep it to himself as you and you DH are the ones in the marrage and therefore your finances are your business and nobody elses -- not even his. Tell him that if you want his advice you will ask for it and until then you would appreciate if he would keep his thoughts to himself.

I feel your pain. I swear I do -- I empathize completely.

[Krissy]

First I would have DH talk to FIL. That's his territory. If that doesn't work I'm always a fan of using humor or sarcasm at first. For example, next time he asks how your finances are you could say something like, "Fine, how are yours?" or "Fine, why, you offering us some money?" or "Eh, the corner just isn't paying what it used to." If that doesn't work my last resort would to be flat out blunt. "I love ya FIL, but that's none of yo' business!"

[*Sarah*]

I agree with Ashley & Krissy that DH needs to be the one to address the issue. Unfortunately, you're going to be the bad guy if you say something to FIL no matter how politely you say it.