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View Full Version : My Mom is Nuts!!!!


Lori
07-20-2006, 05:18 PM
This might be long, gosh where do I start. My mom agreed to buy my dress, cake, and pay for the location.

My mom is the type of person that wants to buy the 1st thing she sees.

When I went dress shopping for the 1st time, I bought my dress that day and only tried on 6 dresses. Why?? because she wanted me too and well she is paying. I would have rather thought about it and went else where to look at more dresses.

Then the venue, I can't lie I love it. But who books their venue the day they just go to look at it? I wanted to look at lakeside gardens first before we decided. Since that was where I wanted to get married since I was 14. (which ends up being cheaper) But once again she is paying.

My location printed out an estimated cost which included the site rental, food for 100 people, drinks, and linens. It was about $8,000 she said she refused to pay for my chair covers 1/2 through the booking process when I asked how much they would be. I didn't want to say sorry I don't want to get married here since my mom wont pay for the chair covers.
So I figure I can come up with the $400 from somewhere or hopefully talk her into paying for them. :sigh:

a week after booking she claimed she wasn't paying for alcohol, I was like what? You said you agreed to her estimated cost amount. She said yea that doesn't include alcohol. I bet her $100 it did. And showed it to her the next day. She never paid me the $100.

So now its time to get the cake. I wanted a square, round, square, round 4 tier cake that was $615.00 and fed like 140 people. She then talked me into getting a 5 tier square cake in the last two minutes that cost us $948.00! I still like the look of the other one better :( Then I wanted to just pay the deposit so maybe I could change it down the line when I talk to my mom about it. but nope, we paid in full. So now I'm stuck with a way too big cake. It is going to be beautiful but wow $1000 on a cake! :dontknow:

Oh okay so then she tells me we need to find a coordinator to hire to take the stress off me. So I set up an appt with one. everything is all good there. :bliss:

Today she calls me to ask how much coordinators cost and that she likes to set up things why can't she. Well 1st of all you think ugly brown conference room chairs will look alright at my wedding with all this other expensive crap. Yea okay. Then she still refuses to pay for the chair covers and says I can't afford it, I just paid 1,000 on a cake.And tells me "Maybe if you would have gone with a cheaper cake you could have paid for your chair covers!!!!" :shakefist: are you kidding me? I wanted the cheaper one I told her. She said well you can still call and change it. No I can't! I can only change the shape and flavors and decor not the actual size of it.

Then She tells me she booked my DJ(a guy that comes in and tans at her salon). How are you going to book a DJ without me saying yes??? We were still trying to talk davids stepsisters bf into doing it. We are going to end up with a cheesy ass Dj, I can already see it. I said we can't afford it. She said I'll pay for it! Okay whatever then. Still not happy about it. Since she will probably try and back out of paying that too!

Now she doesn't want to pay a coordinator!! She should have let me know that before I booked an appt. :hopmad:

I'm not trying to sound like a spoiled brat or anything...I appreciate everything she has done for me. But I don't like to be told,I'm paying for one thing, then all the sudden say no I'm not. Its really throwing off my budget and stressing me out.
:mecry:
Then complaining about money when she is paying for my 30 y/o, high school drop out, sister to go through beauty school and paying everything for my nephew. She is 30!!! should she be able to afford to raise her own son??

And paying to move my 40 y/o, high school drop out, step sister here from NY, buying her a house, giving her an over paid job to sit on her butt and do nothing, paying for her bancrupcy, paying for her to go through beauty school, paying for her to get her teeth fixed, buying her clothes ect.

Then there is me. I graduated with honors, tried to go to college but she begged me to stay and help run the company, I did part time college for awhile. Bought a house on my own when I was 20. When I ask her help to pay for my school she says no. I ask her to help pay to get my wisdom teeth pulled, once again she can't. I was happy I'm finally getting married so she can help me out like she helps my other loser sisters. And now she is pulling this.:bawling: :bawling: :bawling:

Krissy
07-20-2006, 05:54 PM
Ugh, I'm sorry! What a pain! Do you honestly, and in no uncertain terms stand up to your mother and tell her what you want? I only ask cause there have been times when I have been kind of wishy washy and then wished that I didn't let someone else walk all over me. Ya know?

Also, are you sure you can't change the cake? Did you sign something that says you CANNOT change the size and style? I don't like the fact that you're locked in now. That doesn't really make sense to me.

Either way, I'm really sorry that she's not making it easier for you. You deserve to do it your way!

Chin up hun, we're always here for you to vent to!

*Diane*
07-20-2006, 08:22 PM
Lori, I don't even know where to begin! Maybe with this :bighug: As a MOB, I can't imagine dictating/manipulating my daughter's choices the way it sounds like your mom has. I don't even have any good advice except that you might want her commitments in writing, just in case. :(

oupiglet
07-20-2006, 08:39 PM
This might sound harsh, but it sounds to me like you aren't standing up for what you want and you're letting your mom make all the decisions but then are upset with her for doing so. (Urgh that was a bad run-on!) Anyway, I think you need to decide what YOU want and stick with it. If you are going with your Mom's choices so that she pays, maybe you need to re-think your entire wedding and pay for it yourself so that you can make the choices without feeling pressured.

I'm really sorry that you are feeling stressed out. Planning really sucks sometimes! Hang in there.

carolinalady67
07-20-2006, 08:51 PM
Lori, I'm so sorry your mom is doing this to you. It isn't right for her to say she will pay for something and then after the contract is signed say she won't. And if she hires the DJ she has to pay if you never sign a contract. The agreement is made between her and that guy so it is their problem. I also totally disagree with a parent holding the fact they are paying for the wedding over their kids to get their way. If they want to help pay it should be as a gift not as a "now you have to do what I want".

Lori
07-20-2006, 10:42 PM
Hey girls! Thanks for the support.

To answer some of your questions... I try to stand up to my mom, its like she doesn't listen. I sometimes feel I can't even tell her how I'm feeling because she just zones out and doesn't listen. Its been this way for awhile now. She never use to be like that. Or she tells me Lori you are being too sensative.

I wanted to pay for the wedding ourselves! She offered the help and we accepted but I didn't know it meant for her to dictate everything that goes on. Its not so much about her making the decisions I mean I'm kinda easy going like that, its just she picks out the expensive stuff, that is beautiful but I never even imagined having. Then goes and yells at me for the price. I just hate that she says she'll pay for something then says no I wont. She has done this my whole life though, so I should have known better.

I wish I would have declined her money and just done it ourselves.

She now thinks Im spoiled and planning a wedding for a millionare all because I want chair covers lol our wedding is going to be under 20,000.00 I don't think thats going to look like a millionares wedding.

Poloke
07-21-2006, 12:36 AM
Mom needs to lay off the momzilla juice!

Sorry you are going thru this. Is it possible to tell her you have already booked some of the vendors that she keeps hiring behind your back? Then she'd have no choice but to back down....ok, hopefully backdown?

I hope things get better for you. Maybe you'll have one of those arguments where you just tell her to knock it off, nothing else is getting through to her. It's your wedding, your vision...not hers. *HUGS* Hang in there.

*alissa*
07-21-2006, 08:23 AM
Hey girls! Thanks for the support.

I wanted to pay for the wedding ourselves! She offered the help and we accepted but I didn't know it meant for her to dictate everything that goes on. Its not so much about her making the decisions I mean I'm kinda easy going like that, its just she picks out the expensive stuff, that is beautiful but I never even imagined having. Then goes and yells at me for the price. I just hate that she says she'll pay for something then says no I wont. She has done this my whole life though, so I should have known better.

I wish I would have declined her money and just done it ourselves.
This same thing happened to us! We were going to have a VERY small wedding, pay for it with my tax refund, and be done with it. NO, my mom wanted to help, she wanted to help pay, and help plan. Well, the instant we accepted her mony and planning help, it was no longer about what I wanted. Okay, so my wedding WAS beautiful, and larger than anything WE could have done on our own, but it wasn't what I wanted. Not by a long shot. And like you, I would try to stand up to my mom, but with MY mom, it's all or nothing. Either you agree with her, or all of the sudden there is something wrong with you, or you've hurt her feelings and are being mean to her....etc. It is riduclous.
just a theory...but maybe she thinks that BECAUSE you graduated with honors and went to collage, she shouldn't HAVE to help you, that you should magically just be rich and not need her help, while the other "losers" can't help themselves so she HAS to help them....not fair, and it IS only a theory!
Just know you aren't alone, my mom is nuts too. I haven't spoken to mine scince Monday when we had a huge fight.
:hug: I hope she will lighten up, and start listening to you!