Now I know I am going to crack!

[Maria 05]

:errrr: I am reaching the end of a rather short rope! I am worn out, exhausted and ready to fall apart tonight. I know that things are not as black as they seem right now but
I came home from a very hard few days in Tipperary. I am not blaming anyone. Mick is being so strong its amazing but having a family member sick is a huge worry and he was down a bit and it was not easy. Although we both managed to fill our days and had a bit of craic it was really difficult.

So I came home to find out that granny had gotten no better and actually seemed worse. The problem still seemed to be her tablets so they changed her tablets again. I went down to see her and it was a shock but she seemed sick but not too bad but she was tired.

My aunt went down this evening around nine and the updates were good. She was sleeping and had eaten a bit of dinner. Then we got a phone call to say that Granda and Anne could not wake granny up. Mammy told her sister to ring for the doctor and the ambulance. She then went down to Granny's. I rang at ten to see how Grannny was and they still could not wake her but the ambulance and the doctor were only minutes away.

I am frightened and worried and feel like I can't take another blow.

[dolface546]

I'm praying for all this right now Maria! Keep us posted!

[RadishWife]

I will pray for you.

[Mrs.H]

:hug99: You and your family are in my prayers. Keep us posted.

[~*Kate*~]

Oh honey, thinking of you! :hug:

[*Ashley*]

I'm so sorry, Maria :( :hug:

[Maria 05]

it is 02:20 and I have not been able to go to bed. Mammy is just back from the hospital.

Granny was put into a coma by the doctors it is drug induced. (I didn't want to confuse anyone into wondering what pills my granny was popping!) Her heart is strong.
They think it is the meds she is on
but they don't know anything just now

We have to wait

[~*Kate*~]

:hug99:

[SueMartin]

praying like crazy....

[Deidre98]

Praying for you and your family!

[Raychel]

:hug99:

[Maria 05]

Today my granny passed away. There said it. She is dead. I went to the hospital at ten am my granda, mammy, Aunt Anne and Uncle Ger were already there. Daddy and I went to the oratory and prayed with my granda. I was sitting there thinking this can’t be all that bad. She is going to bounce back. She will be moved into ICU put on a ventilator and tubes to get fluids in and she will be ok.

So Granda left daddy and I in the small chapel and went down the corridor to see her. There was a lot of goings and comings but nothing alarming until Mammy said that she was failing fast. I waited until patience was no longer a virtue and went down the corridor to see her but met my aunt supporting my granda.
My granny was gone.

Just like that. She was with us. Now she wasn’t. She was gone. I went down to the room she was in. They had not moved her to ICU she was in a hospital bed and looked asleep. Her teeth were firmly in her mouth. That was the first thing I checked. Granny always said no matter what happened her teeth were staying in. Then slowly death made its mark on her. She was cooling down. She was still warm when I saw her and kissed her for the last time.

The nurse and the priest were maintaining a respectful silence. Even when the nurse asked what time it was it was done like an ordinary every day question. She wanted to enter it on the chart. We stayed for ages in the hospital. In a kind of limbo. We were crying and trying not too. We drank more tea than I thought possible


Then finally, Granda said it was time to go home. We went back to his house. It was bizarre. Granny was still in the house. Everything from her clothes to her eye drops and a glass of water with traces of her medication in it and she was not coming home. This day was endless. We sat we cried, we talked we cried we made more tea that we let go cold then made more. We forced food on my grandfather that he did not want to eat. We swallowed food not caring what it tasted like. We had the heart breaking tasks of ringing her siblings, the priest the undertaker, her daughter who was on holiday in the States. It was bizarre surreal and we still have not informed every one who ought to be. Soracha is coming home from London tomorrow and we did not want to kill her last day on her.

“I don’t want anyone lookin’ at me” she said so many times in life that we knew that the casket was to be closed. We knew what she would like what sort of a send off and then I was appointed secretary to answer the phone and door. It was hard as we had no definite answers at first, no arrangements could be made until well into the afternoon but once we knew we could make the plans the funeral arrangements were made amazingly quickly. Granny and granda knew what she wanted. FLOWERS and lots of them but no lilies please and she wanted the casket closed.

I still cant make this real. It doesn’t seem REAL at all. I have bawled I have cried I have a terrible ache in my heart and it is not going to heal. I am worried about my granda how can you cope when the second part of you that was at your side for sixty years is gone?

[MsJessica07]

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :(

[Raychel]

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry for you loss.

[Maria 05]

Thank you Jessica and Rachel and everyone on this thread or in my journal you ladies and gents are really and truely the best