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View Full Version : IL's are going to be NO SHOWS


KelciAlexandra
06-22-2008, 11:08 PM
fh and i finalized several aspects of the wedding including the date and location. we decided to push the wedding back to october 28th, 2011, so we have a while until we get married; we have also decided to have the wedding in south lake tahoe, california (my family is from the san francisco area and his is from the gulf in mississippi). we decided to have it in tahoe because my family will be helping and his will not (their decision), it is a place we both love, and we are going to try to move out there after we finish school.

fh told his parents a couple of days ago the date of the wedding and the location. they were upset because we were not getting married sooner (it will be our 5th anniversary, so to us we're not rushing it), and they told him they wont be able to go because it is too far away and they wont be able to afford it.

is it just me or are they CRAZY!? i mean the wedding is 2 1/2 years off so they would be able to save the money, we're not asking them to pay for anything (not like they would even if we needed them to). also i think they have no right to be upset with us for choosing to wait until we are more stable in our own lives before getting married, we're both comfortable and confident in our decision to wait and i cannot understand why they would be upset over that (except for the part that i wont be popping out babies for them anytime soon).

im just confused on how to handle this situation. at the end of the summer i will be spending a week with my FILs and i have no idea on what to do if these issues come up. i know they look down on me because they think im a snob for choosing a ceremony and reception site that is not at their house (which was a joint decision btwn fh and i), and also think that im "stealing" fh away from them when really im sharing my experiences in traveling and my love for new things.

im now starting to worry that our wedding is just going to be my family and friends and maybe half a dozen people from fh's side not including his immediate family. im worried about him missing out on our wedding day because of the actions of his family; i mean i'll have my papa/daughter dance, but me wont get his mother/son dance unless he substitutes someone else, and he wont be able to share our happy day with the people he grew up with and loves. i really want this to be a happy occasion but it feels like everyone is depressed or upset over it.

carolinalady67
06-22-2008, 11:46 PM
All you can do is decide what you and FH want. If both of you are happy with the date and location then just stand by that choice and support each other. You can't control the actions of anyone else, or how anyone else feels. If you are worried about how FH will feel if his immediate family isn't there, talk to him about it and make sure he is really okay with it. But I have a feeling he will just be happy to have YOU there that day and it will be his family that will be missing out not him.

SueMartin
06-23-2008, 02:44 AM
im just confused on how to handle this situation. at the end of the summer i will be spending a week with my FILs and i have no idea on what to do if these issues come up. i know they look down on me because they think im a snob for choosing a ceremony and reception site that is not at their house (which was a joint decision btwn fh and i), and also think that im "stealing" fh away from them when really im sharing my experiences in traveling and my love for new things.

im now starting to worry that our wedding is just going to be my family and friends and maybe half a dozen people from fh's side not including his immediate family. im worried about him missing out on our wedding day because of the actions of his family; i mean i'll have my papa/daughter dance, but me wont get his mother/son dance unless he substitutes someone else, and he wont be able to share our happy day with the people he grew up with and loves. i really want this to be a happy occasion but it feels like everyone is depressed or upset over it.

If THEY bring it up, just saiy " its what FH and I have decided.. I'm sorry you dont think you'll be able to make it".. dont argue.. dont discuss.

If they dont come then that is their choice.

km
06-23-2008, 08:41 AM
you have time a lot can change...............in 3 years

jillian
06-23-2008, 08:21 PM
They're saying this now but when the time starts to roll around minds change. I would try including them in the planning process more even if it's just showing inspirations/idea.

Aramelle
06-23-2008, 09:14 PM
Aw, Kelci, I am so sorry that you are deal with this! :hug: I went through something very similar with our renewal (which was our wedding for celebrating with our family and friends). The only difference is that it was my family that pulled this. We also gave more than two years worth of notice regarding the travel, and still most had an excuse about not being able to afford it (which I KNOW was just a scapegoat in the case of most of my family members).

I know that it can be difficult to do, but please try not to get to you too much. I spent so much energy on being upset about something that was completely out of my control, mostly because I was so sure that it was going to greatly impact my enjoyment of the day. I know that DH also worried about the same thing. Looking back, of course I still wish that these were memories that I could share with them. The only thing I actually regret, though, is that I did let their choices affect me so much during the planning process...they really managed to crush a lot of my excitement. Honestly, the day of, I barely even noticed their absences...I was far too busy celebrating with those who were there to show their love and support. I can promise you, in the end all that will matter is that the two of your are celebrating this magnificent moment in your life together.

ETA: I agree with the others about handling it tactfully if they bring it up. I would simply reply that you're sorry they won't be able to make it and let them know they will be missed. No need to feed into their drama by going any further into with them.

Raychel
06-24-2008, 01:54 AM
:yeah: I wouldn't get worked up yet.

word

MemphisMom
06-24-2008, 11:43 AM
So much can change in 3 years...let it go for now. They will have to decide what works for them when the time comes.

pharmgirl
06-24-2008, 09:52 PM
Don't meet trouble halfway; you have a TON of time for plans to change, the ILs to change, whatever.

Amanda&Hugo
06-25-2008, 06:25 PM
They're saying this now but when the time starts to roll around minds change. I would try including them in the planning process more even if it's just showing inspirations/idea.

ITA with Jillian!

Jaime
07-03-2008, 03:14 PM
Honestly, the day of, I barely even noticed their absences...I was far too busy celebrating with those who were there to show their love and support. I can promise you, in the end all that will matter is that the two of your are celebrating this magnificent moment in your life together.


Very true!