Getting married now feeling the pressure for kids

[July08bride]

I will be married this year and next year I will be 30. I am starting to feel the pressure of having children from my FH, my parents and probably his parents too. That last part is just a guess though.

The thing is, WHY!? If you ask me 30 is not getting too old to bare children yet I am getting subtle hints about it and whatnot. I don't want to be someone who gets married then have children right away. I want to wait about 3-6 years. I know no one's opinion will make me change my mind. I also know that I won't have kids until I am ready but cmon people give me a break!

Anyone else feeling/felt this burden?

[KelciAlexandra]

its a pretty common thing to feel pressure about having children, i mean c'mon we all know the nursery rhym "first come love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carraige" people just "expect" it to happen. and of course a women of your age will have no problem having children for at least the next 10 years, but as you get older it does get harder and more dangerous to have a child. perhaps your family is worried that you will just decided to be childless since many consider 30 past your prime (but seriously 30 IS the new 20). so i would suggest that your reassure your family and especially your fh that you DO want kids, but you dont want them RIGHT NOW, just tell them you dont feel ready for them and if they keep on pressing the issue thats their problem because you already know what you want. i mean they cant make you have a baby!

[lunarmagic]

I'm really sorry they're pressuring you... I think it's unfair to pressure anyone about children, one way or the other, it's such a personal, important decision.

Socially 30 is NOT too old to have children! Physically however... just do keep in mind that 35 is generally considered the age where egg quality severely declines. 40 is very old in terms of egg quality and many women (not all!) do have to turn to donor eggs after age 40. I'm not telling you this to scare you or try to make you change your mind... just do be aware of your eggs. :)

[angie]

Oh, the kid question drives me nuts. It's people insinuating there's something wrong with the current situation. Where's the kids? When are you having kids? What's wrong with where I'm at now? If I'm ever pregnant, I'll let you know people. Yeesh! We're all on our own path. I wish people would respect that.

I do know many people who have had their first child in their 30s. Many have healthy kids. Some have had trouble conceiving and others didn't. If you wait until 35-39 to have kids, 1 in 4 women have trouble conceiving. If you try to have kids in your early 40s, 50% can't conceive. That's something to consider but don't let anyone pressure you to have kids when you're not ready. You do things when it's right for you and your FH.:hug:

[jillian]

I don't think these people realize how rude they are being when they ask those questions.

[Angela]

I think it's really rude of people to make a decision like when YOU have kids their business. We were very, very lucky because we had NO pressure from my IL's (they already have 4 grandkids, and when we told them that I was pregnant, well, let's just say they never saw it coming :lol:), and my sister brought it up once, and I told her it would be a year or two, and she dropped it (and then 3 months later, my family got the surprise, I'm pregnant curveball as well).

It's just one of those things that makes me crazy...like when people date for a long time, there's always that one person who has to ask "so, when are you planning on getting married?" People really need to learn to mind their business.

Sorry, didn't mean to make that into a personal rant :lol: 30 is definitely not old at all.

[prima-gravida]

It's definitely not right for them to pressure you into having children. I felt tons of pressure from my MIL. She has two older sons and neither of them are married or have children. Even before we were married, she was asking when we were going to try to have children. Luckily for her I wanted kids right away otherwise I am sure she would have drove me to insanity. I'm actually glad she lives two hours away otherwise I'm sure she would show up every day once the baby comes unannounced and I don't think I can handle that...:errrr:

[Krissy]

I don't think these people realize how rude they are being when they ask those questions.

I agree! We were married 5 years before having our son. No one in our family would have DARED say anything. They knew we wanted to wait.

It's YOUR life. Having children involves you and FH and that's it. Tell the rest to stuff it.

[km]

I think you should have children when you want them, not because you feel you should, or are told you should, you'll know when the time is right~~~~ I wouldn't stress............................

[*Ashley*]

I think you should have children when you want them, not because you feel you should, or are told you should, you'll know when the time is right~~~~ I wouldn't stress............................

2nd!! I agree completely :)

[coffeeaddict77]

Well dont feel bad...Im 30 and not even engaged. I get the pressure from EVERYONE. Its really upsetting when my mother constantly tells people that she has NO grandkids and then makes a throat clearing noise. Does wonders for my self esteem.

[km]

Well dont feel bad...Im 30 and not even engaged. I get the pressure from EVERYONE. Its really upsetting when my mother constantly tells people that she has NO grandkids and then makes a throat clearing noise. Does wonders for my self esteem.


:computer:

I got married when I was 21 if I had a chance to do it again ~same guy, but I would wait until I was in my 30's..................
:bighug:

[~*Kate*~]

Well dont feel bad...Im 30 and not even engaged. I get the pressure from EVERYONE. Its really upsetting when my mother constantly tells people that she has NO grandkids and then makes a throat clearing noise. Does wonders for my self esteem.

You see that kind of scene on sitcoms and I always think, "Really, who actually does that?" I'm so sorry to hear it actually happens, much less to you! :hug:

[Dmsangel]

I get it all the time, and don't feel it's right. It's up to the people having the babies, not anyone else.

[July08bride]

Yeah, I just don't understand why people think ok you're now married, now go and pop out some children. Well why should I? Just because everyone else is doing it? Just because others do it this way doesn't make it the only way to live your life. I have told myself that in this situation, there's no other way to say it than to be blunt because they were blunt to me- right?

[July08bride]

Same here. I just reply back with I don't want kids, they cost too much money and take up too much of my time which I don't care to share that with at the moment. That usually shuts them up.

[BrightEyes]

Thankfully, my side of the family already has 4 grandkids under 8 so they are fine waiting a bit - we get lighthearted jokes but they know we are not there yet.

MIL is not ready to be a grandma, she jokes so she woudl be the only person that would be pushy about it- so whew. Bart says his dad probably can;t wait for a grandkid but doesn't say anything.

i think the only person that asked about it was my uncle, and he is a little weird anyway. ;)