Did You Ever Have Doubts?

[*Jenn*]

at this moment i am having some serious doubts.

it might be because we're looking at moving in together around january, or maybe its just because of all of the crap thats been going on lately [my cat had to be put to sleep, my cousin, who is only 23, had a stroke, i got in a car accident earlier this summer..] i don't know what it is thats adding up to this, but lately i've been feeling so out-of-touch with myself and with everyone else, emotionally.

i know this probably isn't making any sense at all; i haven't been making sense for awhile now. i don't know. but i've been with clif for nearly three years now, and i'm just starting to have some serious doubts. i've never had doubts like these, not even in the early stages of the relationship.

a big part of it all is that lately i've been thinking about two of my ex-boyfriends; i've been wondering what it would have been like with them, since i didn't get to see it for myself. clif and i have been fighting ALOT lately, and with both of these previous relationships, we never fought once. the stress of it all is just really starting to get to me.

the first ex, let's call him "C". a couple of months into dating him, he told me that he had decided to join the navy, which i was all about supporting him through. he was going to stay around Maryland, be based in Annapolis, everything was great. but then they transferred him to japan. i freaked out. i was only 15. so about two months into deployment, i broke things off with him, because i knew that i could never have been strong enough, since he was going to be away for four years. second ex-bf, we'll call him "M". a couple of months into our relationship, my mother made me break up with him, citing that he was too old for me. i was 16, and he was 19. so, with both of these relationships, i have no idea how they would have ended up working out, do you see what i mean? and that is really starting to get to me.

i talked to clif about it. i felt so horrible for feeling this way; he said that although he can't understand, because i am the first person that he's ever really cared about, he can see how i might be feeling this way. i feel like the worst person in the world right now.

C is coming home from deployment any day now. M is still one of my best friends, he's one of the only people i can truly tell ANYTHING to. we meet up and have lunch every couple of months - thats one thing i haven't told clif.

i just feel really horrible. when i was telling clif all of this, he kept saying, "i don't have any doubts, not one. you're the person i want to be with for the rest of life; there is no doubt in my mind." then he went on to say, "you're the girl who always knows exactly what she wants, has her whole life planned out, and now you're saying this."


i just don't know what to do. someone please tell me you've felt this way before? :sigh:

[Raychel]

I think having doubts about things are always normal...
It's hard to give advice though to somebody experiencing it... b/c you basically have 2 options, stick it out and see if you prove your doubts wrong or completely switch your plan and see what happens. It's scary b/c you never know if you change something if then you'll go on to have doubts about that too :hug:

[*Ashley*]

They are exes for a reason! Everything in life happens for a reason.

[~LeAna~]

They are exes for a reason!

I totally agree with this!! You guys broke up for a reason. It's hard not to idealize a past relationship. I've done it before. When I think of one of my exes I think that he was so passionate and romantic and that I was sure I was going to marry him. I wondered what life would be like with him.




... then I remembered why we broke up... yeah my Uncle died and he didn't call me for a week because all I did was cry on the phone when I told him. He's a passionate, romantic asshole!!

[Kya]

I did have doubts...

We've was together since highschool and had a baby early in our relationship. Before the wedding I pg with our baby girl and having alot of problems with my pregnancy. I was going through the emotions of being pg, not working, my wedding planning was literally falling apart, and we had been together 9 yrs.

So to me I started to think "Why ruin a good thing" with legal papers. But like the ladies said before me...You go through all these emotions and it always seems as though things come up during the most important times in your life. But you have to be able to figure them out and look beyond them b/c sometimes things you think are good for you really aren't.

And vice versa...."EX's" are that for the reasons they are.

But we're married after all was said and done.

[rowanmayfairs]

I had issues and wonderings if I was doing the right thing during our engagement.. There was times I wondered if getting married as the right thing ?

We already bought a house together, truck together.. But the stress of my husband losing his job did bother me, then the mother of his other girls offering to end her marriage to get him back (they haven't been together for over 4yrs)..He got a new job and reminded me of why he left the B*TCH and we got it all together before the wedding :)

But i'm 100% satisfied with my marriage and my husband :)

My Ex's are in the past for a reason.. If it was meant to work out with them, I would be with my husband James.

[jillian]

It natural to have doubts and think of ex's when you are under going major changes in life. These are major things happening it's actually good you are questioning yourself. Do what's right for you.

[BASIA]

clif and i have been fighting ALOT lately, and with both of these previous relationships, we never fought once. the stress of it all is just really starting to get to me.


Most people will fight when there are a lot of things going on in their life, when they have doubts or are about to make a big life changes (like moving in together or gettin married) But you are comparing a relationship that you have for almost 3 years, to relationships that lasted for couple of months. Remeber that most people dont fight during the first couple months of dating. And if they do than maybe they shouldnt be together. And you were young too. Now you are thinking about spending the rest of your life together. And been together for so long that fights will come up. We all have our doubts.

[Winter_Bride]

I didn't have doubts about the groom, but I did stress about getting married at first. We hadn't been dating a long time (2 months) when the topic came up, and I had just gotten out of a relationship with a man I was SURE I was going to marry when I was with him. I was scared that what I felt wasn't real just because of my previous relationship.

I sometimes wonder what life would be like with my ex (I found out last week that he just got married) but then I realize that as many have said, we broke up for a reason. He didn't make me a priority, we wanted different things out of life, and we ultimately were in different places. It's the exact opposite with my DH.

As for fighting, we fight a lot when we're stressed. Maybe that's why you're fighting so much right now?

I think that doubting is totally normal - you're making a huge decision that will impact you for a lifetime. Marriage is not something to take lightly. I also think that it's so easy to imagine what your life would be like now if you stuck with M or C, but how well do you think those dreams mesh with reality? Do you think that your friendship with M would be helped or hurt if the romantic relationship maintained? What would the last 4 years of you life had been like if you stayed with C, despite him being across the world?

Ultimately you have to make the decision.

[Sabby12s]

I didn't have doubts about the groom either. I worried about the timing and if we should have waited a little longer since he's 4 years younger than me. Having some kind of doubt is normal and it means that you are a very responsible person.

[Jader]

First off :hug:. I totally understand what you're saying. Ex's can be messy situations sometimes. I know the first time I saw my ex after he got back from the army, old feelings started to come up. (This was while I was dating FH) It's easy to remember all the good things about your ex's and start thinking about all of the "What if's". But I agree with everybody else, they are ex's for a reason. Clear your head, and start thinking of why it was you guys didn't work out.

I know when FH and I got engaged I began to have my doubts really bad. I had finally gotten the ring that I'd been wanting for months, and then I wasn't so sure I wanted it. Sometimes it's your hearts defense mechanism to doubt things when you get scarred. Just ride it through, calm down, and think real hard about it all.

:hug:

[SueMartin]

Its hard to look back at past relationships objectively. These people never disappoint us, because they arent there.

[TenThirteen]

My husband was actually my ex for a while. I was going to get married to someone else and realized my ex was the one for me. We worked together for a long time before we got back together again. We'd dated in high school and then lost touch throughout college and re-met again at our job. We had to keep it quiet because of where we worked (it's definitely frowned upon). I had those same doubts but getting back together with my ex later in life was what I was meant to do.

It's different for everyone though. Sometimes exes are just that way for a reason. In fact, I'd say 99% of the time, exes are exes for a reason.

In time, it will come to you as to what the right answer is. Try not to let yourself wonder what could have been though. Because if it was meant to be that way, it would have ended up that way. Wondering if you'd been better off never helps anyone. You can't move back. Only forward.

[CannedSkittles]

Hun, I've known you for a number of years now. Through all that time, Clif has been the one you've talked about the most, gushed about the most, been the most head-over-heels for, and been so dead-set on. I think it's just your nerves getting to you; even though it's gonna be a few years til you guys get hitched, I think you're just panicking.

Don't doubt yourself. You really are the girl who always knows what she wants, and I know that you and Clif are gonna be just fine. :heee: